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With my ex again: How it's possible to get back with your ex


with my ex againMy relationship has ended and all I want is to be with my ex again.  It’s over.  There was a fight, an argument, an infidelity… and the relationship ended.  But now that I’ve had some time to think about it, I miss them and I want to be with my ex again, I want to get them back.  It seems impossible after all that has been said and done, so how could I possibly get back with my ex?  How is it possible to convince them to give another chance and give our relationship another shot?  How can I win my ex back?

Radio Silence

The first step in getting back together with an ex is to initiate a period of radio silence, during which you will have absolutely no contact with your ex for a significant amount of time, a few weeks ideally.  During this time you will not visit your ex or walk past their workplace in the hope of seeing them, you will not call, text, email or send messages via social media.  You have to commit to a period of utter silence or this technique will not work.

Recover

The breakup was a shock to your system, but now that the initial shock has passed, you’re dealing with an onslaught of emotions such as pain, hurt, disappointment and anger.  You should use this period of radio silence to work through all these emotions and recover from the breakup.  Find a way to purge yourself of emotions like hurt and anger, such as a punching bag at the gym.  Get rid of these feelings so that they cannot follow you into your new relationship and destroy it when you get your ex back.

Reflect

Reflect on the relationship too.  Use this time to remember the things you said and did and figure out where you went wrong in your relationship, if there was something you did that put the final nail in the coffin.  If I want to get back with my ex again, then I need to know where it went wrong to begin with, so that I can fix it and don’t repeat the same mistakes when I win my ex back.

Improve yourself

Use this time away from your ex to work on yourself; you don’t have to turn into a completely different person, but it wouldn’t hurt to learn from the breakup and evolve a little.  Take up new hobbies and try new things that will give you a more positive attitude and a brighter outlook on life.  Work on yourself so that when your ex sees you again you will be the best possible version of yourself and they’ll know that you’ve really changed before you get back together.

Make your ex miss you

The radio silence period has benefits for your relationship as well as these personal benefits.  While you’re missing your ex and feeling like your heart has been torn in two, you’re also giving your ex a little time and space to recover from a painful breakup.  However once your ex has recovered from the initial breakup emotions, they’re going to wonder why you haven’t been in contact. They’re going to really miss you and wonder what you’ve been up to, what you’ve been doing and who you’ve been doing it with.  The aim of radio silence is to make your ex miss you and curious about you so they’re constantly thinking about you.

Meet up with your ex

When you’re ready to break your period of silence, the next thing you need to do is get back in contact with your ex and arrange a face-to-face meeting.  You may have to start off with just a couple of insignificant, funny and casual texts if the breakup was really bad and your ex is hesitant to resume contact with you.

Arrange the meeting on the phone

When you’re ready to get back in contact, you should call your ex.  Arrange the meeting over the phone; don’t just show up and hope your ex will talk to you; it makes you seem too desperate and ruins all the work you’ve done on space over the last few weeks.  Call your ex and be as casual as possible.  Ask them how they’re doing and about their family and friends, and if they ask you in return you can casually mention something that you’ve been doing.  However, make sure that you just mention it in passing; you want to leave them wanting more.  Ask them to meet you, at least four days in advance, to give them time to anticipate the meeting.  Be specific about your plans before you call, don’t be vague.  If your ex says no, then end the call as quick as you can and go back to radio silence for a little longer.

Look good

Make sure that you’re looking your best before you go to your meeting with your ex.  You want to spark any residual attraction your ex has for you.  Get a haircut, try some new makeup, and invest in new clothes.  Wear these new clothes to your meeting with your ex.  You want to look happy and positive, to reflect the changes you’ve made within, and new clothes will help you to do this.

Be casual

Keep this first meeting with your ex as casual as possible.  Meet in a neutral place; a coffee shop or park, not your house or theirs.  You want to ensure that emotions don’t run too high during this meeting which is why it should take place on neutral territory.  Be calm and collected during this meeting.  Even if your palms are sweating like crazy, hide them under the table and don’t let your ex see how nervous you are.

Don’t discuss your relationship

Whatever you do during this meeting, do not talk about your relationship or the breakup.  It should be as if you are two old friends catching up, not exes meeting for the first time since the breakup.  If I want to be with my ex again, I need to hold off on discussing the relationship; the time will come for that.  For now, I have to act in a way that will make my ex want to see me again.

Establish regular contact

Once you have had a successful first meeting with your ex, you should try to make it a regular plan.  Establish regular contact with your ex and meet up with them every few days.  You want your ex to agree to continue seeing you without specifying the parameters of your relationship and what you are to one another.

Do different things

Don’t always meet your ex in the same place.  Do different things together; casual, fun activities that you would enjoy doing with friends.  Go to see a film, or paint-balling, or to an amusement park; places where the environment is very casual but will also ensure that you and your ex really enjoy yourselves.  Show some range and spontaneity in the things you suggest and avoid falling into a trap of boredom, which will be the death of these meetings.

Let your ex suggest activities

Try not to be the one always suggesting where to go, what to do or even when you’ll meet up.  If you’re lucky, after a couple of these meetings, your ex will suggest something for the two of you to do together, but if not, don’t suggest anything right away.  Wait for a few days and see if your ex will call.  As much as I want to be with my ex again, these meetings will make them want to be with me, see me, so I should give them the opportunity to call and suggest something.

Show you’ve changed

If I want to be with my ex again, I have to show them that I’ve changed and the relationship will be different this time.  Use the meetings you have with your ex to let them see how much you’ve been working on yourself.  Let the changes you’ve made shine through, and when your ex asks what you’ve been up to, tell them about the things you’ve been doing to try to be a better person, but avoid telling them that you did it for them.  Showing your ex you’ve changed will make them more likely to want to give you another chance, because it will be obvious that you would be approaching the relationship with a different attitude, and it would be even better this time.

Bring up the relationship

back togetherWhile you’ve been avoiding discussing your relationship and breakup with your ex for the last few weeks, you have to bring it up at some point.  You can wait until there are some signs that your ex might be interested in getting back together; for example, if they’re always looking forward to your meetings and suggesting new and exciting things for you to do together, if they call you between meetings to tell you about something that happened to them or just to ask you how your day was, or if they start saying things about your relationship using the conditional tense, such as “If we were still together…”

If I want to be with my ex again, I have to take a leap of faith.  You have to put yourself out there and suggest getting back together.  You can do this fairly casually when the opportunity arises in conversation by just saying, “hey, I was thinking about us as a couple,” or “maybe we should get back together”.  Things like this can be played off as a joke afterwards if your ex does not respond well, but if everything has gone according to plan so far, then your ex is likely to respond in the affirmative and you will be back together in no time.

Get back with my ex again

If your ex tells you that they don’t want to get back together, then it can feel like your efforts were all for nothing and like they’re breaking up with you all over again, but cheer up.  At least now you know for sure, and you can stop wasting your time and effort on someone who clearly doesn’t feel the same way for you as you do for them.  It’s a bit of a kick in the teeth, but think of all that work you did on yourself during the radio silence period and try to stay positive.  You’re a much better, more positive and forward thinking person now, and someday soon someone else will see that.

Work on your relationship

If I succeed in getting back with my ex again, my work is only just beginning.  Getting back together was the easy part, and now you and your ex need to do some serious work on your relationship to prevent the same mistakes from happening and stop you from going through another breakup further down the line.  Make an effort to spend time with your partner, figure out where the flaws were in your previous relationship, and be careful to avoid falling into the same traps that caught you both before.

Communicate

Make a special effort to communicate openly with your partner.  You need to sit down together and discuss your old relationship; what happened, where it all went wrong and why it fell apart.  Try to do it unemotionally and dispassionately and don’t let yourselves get caught up in past arguments.  Be open and honest with one another about your doubts and fears, your hopes for the relationship and if there’s anything you think the other person could improve on.  Listen and be attentive to one another.  Don’t dismiss any fears or misgivings; work through them.  Remember that this is not your old relationship.  This is an entirely new and improved relationship which is so very different from your old one.  In this new relationship, you will both be better, more communicative, more aware and more attentive to one another’s wants and needs.  This time, now that I’m back with my ex again, I will be resolved to make my relationship a success.

 

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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