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When my ex has moved on, only the 5S rule can help me !
When my ex has moved on it can feel like the end of a relationship all over again.
The day that you knew would come has arrived,
and you are not prepared for it.
You thought you were and now its here you are not.
That door slightly ajar has now slammed shut.
What to do when my ex has moved on ?
The 5S rule can help.
A break up can be cruel and leave you quite literally half a person.
Or so it would seem.
Evidence suggests that love facilitates growth of the self,
expanding and diversifying who you are.
As you spend time together, the lines between you and your partner become blurred.
You can begin to wonder where do you stop and your partner begins in a way.
Your concept of self and your concept of the partner become inextricably intertwined.
So it is no surprise that when a relationship ends,
people experience confusion in their ideas of self and a contraction of the self.
Your sense of self actually shrinks.
When you have been through a break up, regardless of who your ex is dating.
Sleeping with or actually in a relationship with now,
the very nature of the breakup happening means that something damn substantial
wasn’t right between the two of you.
So you must remember that fact along with the reasons.
That being said, sure it is human nature to at least be curious.
To know how the good or bad old ex as the case may be, of ours feels in the wake of a break up.
Emotions will be running high and everyone will be adjusting to single life in various ways
Albeit some are more healthy than others.
Oftentimes, we look for the most immediate thing that will dull the pain of heartache.
For some that’s food or substances.
For others it is social media, Netflix or TV.
Much of the time, it’s people.
Sometimes it can be a toxic cocktail of a few.
When you get the reminders that my ex has moved on
and you feel like you could fall prey to those unhealthy urges.
The five S rule can help you.
It can help to remind you how to deal with all the variety of emotions
and feelings that it can through up.
1 Speak your peace for emotional release.
So you found out my ex has moved on
and it did not feel like you had imagined it would feel.
That is not so unusual many people who see their exes move on
find that emotionally they still hurt.
It could be that even though you thought you were over them,
you really were not completely over them.
It could be that you would have liked them to remain faithfully miserable without you.
For the rest of their natural days.
Whatever the reasons the emotions are running high.
It can be like a re-run of the break up all over again.
So in any case you need to process these emotions what ever they be.
It could be anger betrayal love frustration
or resentment that they did not remain faithfully unhappy without you.
If you haven’t completely let go of the relationship,
you may still be holding on to instances of injustices by your ex.
You may still be feeling betrayed, hurt, or angry about something your ex did.
Until you can let go of these feelings of resentment or anger,
You are not going to be able to let go or move on.
You are not going to lose anything by releasing these feelings, quite the opposite.
You will gain your peace of mind and freedom from them.
You will be no longer subject to them.
You will instead understand and control them.
Rather than being at their mercy.
This focus on your emotional attachment to the broken relationship,
needs to shift to focus instead to you.
You need to now be the center of that focus.
Accept these emotions as yours acknowledge them and let them go.
Don’t feel tied to them like memories you are unable to forget.
Accept them as flowers that blossom then wither and die.
Even if your ex was entirely at fault and deserves the worst kind of treatment or even payback.
You can not get caught up with thinking that they deserve a measure of justice.
Your ex is human and made mistakes, that is the past.
You are now going to have release the resentment
and anger and forgive your ex for what they did.
If you made mistakes, you have to be willing to forgive those too.
When you don’t forgive your ex or yourself,
it keeps the past injustices and pain still alive, burning like it happened yesterday.
Forgive for yourself. Forgive for your own peace of mind.
2 Social media stalking following searches
or feeds is not helping to moving on
Social media has a lot to say and to answer for in these kind of situations.
And a lot of it can seem positive.
Positive outlooks, posts, words, but it can have a negative effect too.
Given the right circumstances like a break up
and those same things can be skewed to result in bad feelings.
When my ex has moved on it can have a thoroughly negative effect on you.
Seeing all those loving posts and cuddly photographs it can have a detrimental effect on you.
Your self esteem can take a hit self doubt can weigh in, doing comparisons.
Even though you might not even like the ex.
The whole thing can reflect badly on you or so you can think.
There are times when social media needs world health organisation health warning.
Some thing the artificial intelligence put together like
“It has come to our attention that you have spent fifteen hours straight on our site.
It is time to do something else” and then you are cut off for a spell.
Or it says like a good little watch dog
“It has come to our attention that you have spent fifteen hours straight
on your exes profile. They have moved on now so should you move along”.
But that is never likely to happen.
Studies of Social media have shown it to actually increase
the negative feelings of resentment and anxiety in people looking at it.
And they were not even in the same situation of saying my ex has moved on.
Sure you have your own life to lead
and sure some amount of it will be posts of what you are doing.
But it can consume all the time of your waking life you wish to give it.
But then what kind of life would you be leading one of a casual obsessive observer?
Obsession and excess are never a good thing for anyone.
And for you now especially not social media and obsession and excess.
This can be just as bad as stalking in person!
The internet has definitely made it so much harder when my ex has moved on.
Because we are constantly bombarded and updated about their lives.
Without you even really wanting it.
Facebook will show you pictures of your ex’s vacation in Bali.
Or your ex’s sweet love posts to the new boyfriend or girlfriend.
Even if you try to resist, there’s always the temptation.
To have a teeny tiny peek at what your ex is up to.
To prevent this, your most effective course of action would be to get off social media for a while.
The fictitious computer health and safety watchdog says move along.
3 Stretch yourself
This is in contrast and opposition to the contraction immediately following a break up.
Or even if it has been some amount of time since it.
It is a personal benefit to engage yourself for yourself in development.
Either way the work and true reward is in delving deep to the core of yourself
and focusing on cultivating your own self-love, self-esteem, boundaries and inner wisdom.
It can be the result of deep soul searching
or it could be new activities to bolster your self esteem.
It could be continuing your studies or taking up completely new ones.
The more you pay attention to what you can do to become a better person,
the less time you’ll have to sit around and be bitter that my ex has moved on.
So quit the comparisons, quit the stalking,
quit the brooding over the fact that your ex got over you first.
It’s out of your hands now.
So shift your attention to something that’s within your hands to change.
4 Start to date again if you haven’t already
Most of the time when we suffer the fact that my ex has moved on,
it is because we have not.
We can sustain our lives thinking they are suffering as much as I am.
They really want to get back together or are still giving it some thought.
When that proves to be not the case it can shatter any number of illusions or delusions.
You may have had about them and you or even just you alone .
Regardless of the truth of the matter.
It still remains that you have allowed that void to exist.
Either as a buffer to keep you from dating or you could even hold out hopes at a reunion.
Either way you have stalled your love life for one reason or another.
You need to at least consider the possibility of moving on for real.
If you still feel unable to start a serious relationship at least you should socialize with friends.
Perhaps even single friends who have other single friends.
Who could be in the same boat or looking to date.
Who knows you might start to have some serious fun.
While avoiding or skirting the dating scene.
It will at least give you something else to think about.
Rather than focusing on my ex has moved on.
5 Stay the course set your sails
We all have our own moments of doubt.
It could be the flash of recollecting the past failed relationship.
It could be the associated emotions that go with those relationships.
It could be a fleeting whim or a period of sustained thought on the people involved.
Whatever form it takes don’t immediately take it as a reason to do something about it.
Nostalgia can be a very powerful emotion.
And emotions can be wild and random or they can be consciously or unconsciously motivated.
We have only to think about the immediate aftermath of a break up.
To easily recall how fickle they are.
One minute you could rage against the idea of your ex partner
and the next you could experience compassion for them.
So they have to be properly assessed
and examined to see their true nature and causes.
After a relationship ends, there’s a certain degree of intimacy left over.
It’s only natural. After all, you had an emotional and physical connection with this person.
That doesn’t go away overnight or even sometimes in months or years.
But the thing is that you might never forget it and you might not want to.
But that does not mean when the associated emotions for that person pop up.
That it is anything other than a reminder of what you had.
I mean it is not like they are across that old familiar bar.
Where you met and spent so many hours together.
It is not like they are presently giving you the eye,
that glistened so bright you thought you would go blind.
You could have those reminders at any time and for any reason.
It is not like the are prompted by their presence and touch.
So be mindful of tricks the mind can play with you.
They are the reminders of the heights of humanity’s greatness.
But taken out of context or on their own they are condition states,
retelling you of the many facets of your nature lest you forget.
Reminding you of the survival of your ability to love.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com