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Talking to ex after breakup : The best solutions to get back with him ?
Breakups are painful and disorienting, so is talking to ex after breakup.
Adrenaline runs through the body and the mind races.
This can’t be happening.
You seek corrective action by talking to ex after breakup.
Trying to identify the fix that will save you both.
Or in some way buying time through compromise.
Whatever it takes…
What happens is failure.
The single best way to accelerate the healing process after a breakup is this, Stop contact with the ex.
Even if there is potential for a friendship after a breakup.
Now is not the time for talking to ex after breakup it is too soon.
There almost invariably needs to be a period of time alone before you two can be friends.
And talking to ex after breakup won’t help right now.
You both haven’t had that time needed to get clarity and rid your minds of confusion.
Think about it the breakup has just happened and both of you are a mess of conflicting thoughts and emotions.
Neither of you can really think straight yet you are trying to get right back into the relationship.
It is doomed to fail because you need time to set your mind straight and let him do the same.
If you do decide you want to win your ex back it is not done by pushing or talking them back into a relationship.
The only way is in fact to show him that you have moved on to bigger and better things.
Use the breakup as a wake up call to change things about yourself that you don’t like and go from there.
If he wants you back, all well and good. If not, you’re better off without him.
There are mindset issues at play here which include an over-attachment to the relationship.
The belief that love is supposed to last a lifetime or a belief that your ex ‘belongs’ to you are signals of over dependence which is not healthy.
Sometimes you are so attached to a relationship that you want to keep more than just the reassurance of staying in touch.
You want your ex back and talking to ex after breakup seems like the logical way to do it.
The most common mistake girls make after a breakup is chasing after the guy to try to get them back.
From making promises to change into their dream girl to outright crying and begging.
This type of desperate behavior can actually and usually does backfire.
It convinces your ex that he was right to break up with you in the first place.
It eventually drives them away.
While you might have the urge to let your ex know that you are still interested in getting back together.
That is almost never a good idea and you will risk coming off as too obsessive and needy.
This is another big reason why it is important to get some space from your ex.
You do not want to be too aggressive at this emotional time.
And do not ever forget that it is a highly emotional time.
Allow yourself and your ex to have the time apart.
Time apart that you need in order to help you get over the breakup.
Think about this question and answer honestly.
Can you be happy by yourself or do you feel like your happiness tends to depend on other people?
And the answer needs to be a resounding yes you can be happy by yourself.
If your ex sees that in you it would be a lure to draw him back into your life.
If you show that you depend on no one else for your happiness that too would be encouragement for love.
It will probably sound contradictory but it is true.
On the other hand a needy obsessive and clingy attitude does little for love except suffocate it.
Sure, you love your ex and you miss them.
It is natural and normal in this situation.
But sometimes relationships can crumble when we depend too much on our significant others.
If you are not happy with your own self, then your own issues can affect your romantic partner in a negative way.
In the end that over dependence can pose a threat to your relationship.
This is why it is good to get some alone time.
Before you even think about talking to ex after breakup again.
You will want or more likely need to make sure that you can be happy alone.
Do not fool yourself into thinking that another person can cure your unhappiness and fix all of your problems.
Only you, yourself can do that.
It’s important to have a plan to follow.
Because after a breakup you are hurt, emotionally drained and most of all, confused.
And during this state of confusion, you are bound to make a lot of mistakes.
Mistakes that will actually damage your chances of getting back together.
And that is not what the plan is or even any part of it.
Before you try to win your ex back or before even talking to ex after breakup.
Work on fixing any bad habits you have.
Or the mistakes you made that caused you to break up in the first place.
You can then later on ask your ex to hang out as friends.
Take the opportunity to show them how you’ve changed for the better.
Laugh, smile, and be positive when you’re around them.
Wait until you have truly developed a friendship again.
Then you can consider having a serious conversation with your ex about getting back together.
According to research, the number one cause of the breakup of romantic relationships is failure to communicate.
If your relationship was otherwise happy, this problem can often be fixed by setting clear expectations.
And openly discussing frustrations rationally before things get out of hand in an argument.
Other issues can be harder to overcome, like infidelity or jealousy.
With work and possibly expert advice like counseling, even these types of issues are possible to work through.
Before talking to ex after the breakup there are some things you have to understand.
Understand the breakup.
What did each of you do to contribute to the breakup?
What were your individual roles in the end of the relationship?
Most relationship troubles do not crop up unexpectedly they develop over time.
What were those causes?
How can they be overcome ?
Recall who initiated the breakup and why.
Was it you?
If so, did you do it after careful thought or in a fit of anger that you now regret?
Was it your ex, and did he have specific reasons?
Was it a mutual decision?
Interpret your emotions
In the pain and confusion of a breakup, it can be easy to confuse your emotions.
Heck your emotions can easily confuse you.
You may want them back yet you have probably said you hate them.
Interpreting feelings you have of loneliness and hurt as evidence that you need your ex back in your life is wrong.
It may be that later you realise that you are meant to be in a relationship with them.
But right now it is not the time you are still emotional.
And talking to ex after breakup wont help that situation it will confuse the issue.
In fact, almost everyone who experiences a breakup initially feels remorse for the loss of a relationship.
That coupled with feelings of anxiety, guilt, depression, and loneliness.
Can make the recovery of the relationship, however bad it may have been, seem the better option.
But it is not.
Doctors and experts warn against anything done to dull the pain.
Things that you will regret later and I am no different in this.
This could take the form of drinking or eating too much, rebound relationships and so on.
Instead, let yourself heal for a bit and then rebuild a healthy lifestyle.
Don’t let your work or your social life suffer either, they can help you to get through this difficult time.
Make them the focus of your life.
If you start to believe that you will be alone forever, you could stop looking after yourself.
Some girls make the mistake of giving up on guys altogether.
Not by switching sides but using food to comfort themselves.
Or take to not looking after themselves and staying in their room to avoid having to meet guys.
But be careful what you wish for.
One day, you will wake up and realize that you’re ready to move on.
If you have let yourself go, you will feel bad about yourself.
And probably these unhealthy traits will have become habits that are hard to reverse or even break.
Remember that others will only see how wonderful you are if you work on loving yourself first.
The love you have for yourself must come from the inside and radiate outwards.
Only then can you begin to love someone else.
When a relationship doesn’t work out, it can really damage your sense of self-worth and self esteem.
We often hinge our self-esteem on our relationships.
We can take our partners choices or actions out on ourselves.
Feeling that if my guy finishes the relationship, it must mean there’s something wrong with me, right?
Wrong ! It just means he wasn’t getting what he was looking for out of the relationship.
And if you’re not right for each other, you are better off going your seperate ways.
Reasons it won’t work out and no amount of talking to ex after breakup will fix
- Once a woman loses her feelings, and in turn, her sexual attraction for a man there is only a remote chance, if any, that she will ever recover them…even if she tries.
- If your partner was never really attracted to you.
Getting him back after a break is even more futile.
Unless the point of going back is to continue in an unhealthy dynamic.
Such as a destructive sadomasochistic relationship or motivated by revenge.
- Many think it’s romantic to try and win someone back.
They may even encourage the effort it is flattering.
But when asked these same romantic optimists if it ever worked out for them.
One hundred percent responded « no. »
One or two can report that the reconstituted relationship was « okay for a while ».
But that it eventually falls apart.
When you go back with someone you once dated, you will remember very quickly why you left in the first place.
- People can let appropriate partners go for a variety of reasons.
The timing may be off or just wrong.
They may think there is always someone better out there.
They may think they have plenty of time to find someone.
They may in reality be self-sabotaging their own efforts.
They may feel unworthy and be dealing with self esteem issues.
Perhaps they may feel uncomfortable with someone they love or who loves them and they could be replicating significant losses.
Before talking to ex after breakup try answering these questions.
- Do you miss your ex, or do you miss having a boyfriend?
- Are you motivated to reconcile out of fear of being alone or love for that person?
- Did he make you feel better about yourself, more secure in the world, and happier?
- Do you see yourself with this person in the long term?
- Even when the excitement of being in love has worn off ?
- How about when you are stuck in the daily routines of life?
If you are only missing the security of having some company and the excitement of a dramatic relationship.
You can find those things with someone else in a healthier, more stable relationship with someone new.
It is important to take time after the initial separation and before talking to ex after breakup.
Time to examine your own emotions and decide if you truly should be with that person.
Rekindled relationships often suffer from a sense of broken trust and can be more likely to cycle on again off again with repeated breakups.
If you’re not 100% sure that you want to be with this person in the long term.
It is best to avoid further pain by doing what is necessary to get over your ex instead of pursuing him again.
If you are, then take you time, improve yourself, show them you have changed and take it slowly from there.Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com