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Sleeping with an ex boyfriend, That started again ?


It can start again for a variety of reasons.

Logical emotional reasonable or unreasonable.

Sleeping with an ex boyfriend can have benefits for both.

But usually sleeping with an ex boyfriend has been seen as better for him.

Now it can be viewed as an act of empowerment for women.

It needs two, so why not to meet needs.

The Same old story

You know the story it is an old familiar one.

You break up with a guy that you dated for whatever reason or reasons..

And you know he’s not the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.

But you are alone and possibly lonely, you are also horny, and he’s easy enough and available enough.

So every now and then, you succumb to your needs and the ease of it all.

Before you know it, six months or a year has gone by and things are no different.

 

You are still hooking up in this sort of together but not officially type of thing with your ex.

Of course you are not seriously seeing anyone or is it that you can not see a significant other guy.

Perhaps the will or the energy is not there to find someone else.

And because of the strings of sleeping with an ex boyfriend and the no strings attached type of thing.

It is preventing you from being emotionally and physically available enough to start something new with a guy.

It’s not friends with benefits, per se.

It is a post break up crutch with baggage attached.

 

In other words, when we start hooking up with an ex after a breakup.

We don’t just get to automatically start from scratch like hitting refresh or in a brand new thing.

It is that the baggage from the relationship is still there.

Like a filled laundry basket that no one wants to deal with.

And the reasons you broke up in the first place are probably still there.

And just as valid.

 

Let it go or cling on

It’s hard to let go of a lover but in the long run is it doing more harm than good ?

 

We fall hard, break up, and get lonely and then comes the sleeping with an ex boyfriend part.

It starts with the old flame texting, “What are you up to tonight?”.

Or an alcohol fueled message that reads, “I miss you.”

Before you know it, you’re naked in bed.

Unofficially or more like officially not rekindled with our ex.

Old habits, especially in the bedroom antics field, die hard.

 

A strong connection with a romantic partner can be hard to shake off.

Because to a great extent, it is rooted in our brain chemistry.

In a recent study, Jim Pfaus, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Concordia University in Canada.

Mated female rats with male rats he’d dabbed with a special scent.

Later, when he mixed the female rats with both the familiar-scented males they’d already mated with and new unscented rats.

It turns out 80 to 100 percent in different trials chose their familiar partners over the new male rats.

 

 It is because when you are in that beautiful, magical, post orgasmic chill state with someone.

Your brain releases oxytocin and opioid like chemicals linked to happiness and romantic love.

Creating an attachment which some research has likened to addiction to the person you’ve been with.

 

Neuro scientists at Northwestern University suggest orgasms feel so good because sexual stimulation sends the brain into an altered state of consciousness.

It blocks everything else out from the mind, and allows us to solely focus on the sensation.

And good sex can be sensational to say the least.

Sex releases neuro chemicals that actually forge the emotions.

The feelings of attachment, and even love, according to Psychology Today.

The level of pleasure we feel is connected to the release of the chemicals.

Which can be used to measure the intensity of our orgasms.

Defaulting to the pleasure you already know can feel a lot more natural  and less scary than starting fresh.

 

Sleeping with an ex boyfriend is breeding familiarity

We could be literally unable to resist the carnal temptation of sleeping with an ex boyfriend.

We can be overwhelmed by the surge of endorphins released during sex.

Which is what stimulates good feelings throughout the body.

 

Relationship experts believe breakups can leave us with attachment needs.

That are unfulfilled after the relationship ends.

This can leave you extra vulnerable and susceptible to their charms .

And in this case of sleeping with an ex boyfriend, you might say it is just sex.

Or that it means little.

That might not strictly be true or you could be telling yourself little white lies.

 

Patrick Wanis, human behavior and relationship expert, says people may be drawn to having sex with someone from the past because it’s safe, or perceived to be safe.

This person is familiar. Familiarity can create the feeling of security.

And it has been noted it is one of the benefits of sleeping with an ex boyfriend.

It is safer than sex with strangers or casual sex.

 

Sleeping with an ex boyfriend, is it casual sex?

Among people having casual sex.

Recent research shows that casual sex isn’t so much casual after all.

Only 13 percent of men and 10 percent of women had it with someone they’d just met.

Compared with 65 percent who got it on sleeping with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend.

 

A 2012 study in the Journal of Family Issues found sex with an ex among divorcees is a way to offset the feeling of distance from an ex.

And as a means to have a more gradual emotional breakup after a harsh and abrupt split.

Researchers at the University of Arizona analyzed a group of 137 recently divorced adults.

And asked how many had “breakup sex” after they signed their divorce papers.

Most divorcees (82.5 percent) kept in touch with their ex after the separation.

And about one-fifth (21.9 percent) had sex.

Partners who had difficulty in accepting the breakup found sex helpful to lessen the pain of divorce, or psychological distress.

So it seems break up sex or sleeping with an ex boyfriend is not quite as detrimental as it is made out to be.

 

Using Sex to cope with a lack of a relationship

A study in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior backed this up when they found people have rebound sex to cope with a breakup.

In other words, the probability of having sex right after the end of a relationship is higher.

How can that be ?

It can be suggested that it is a direct reaction to the break up.

Or something else.

 

People “on the rebound” are emotionally vulnerable due to feelings of distress, anger, and loss and lowered self-esteem linked to a breakup with a former partner.

Therefore, they’re more likely to either seek attention from their ex.

Or try to find it in other ways, like having sex with new partners over time.

 

Couples who choose to be sexual for a while after calling it quits.

Can find this creates a slower, less painful slide into relationship closure.

However it has been noted that the opposite can also occur.

With continued sex leading to more pain and or a tougher time when it comes to actually moving on.

 

Sleeping with an ex boyfriend can mean better Sex

So sleeping with an ex boyfriend can be a double edged sword.

Of course, all of this residual feelings and drama can make the sex more exciting.

That it can make the feelings more intense, especially the sex.

Which can seem to all intents and purposes to be hotter than ever.

More women than men look back with longing on past relationships and the encounters had during them.

And admit to having had better sex with an ex than with their current partner.

 

A survey of 1,100 adults found that 38 percent of women said.

The best sex of their lives was in a previous relationship.

 

It is not unlike when people have affairs.

It’s rarely about the other person they choose to have the affair with.

But rather about wanting the excitement, attention and danger of the scandal associated with it all.

Essentially, sometimes it feels good to do something bad.

 

Or it can be a reaction to the routine nature of the sex within a long term relationship.

When the feelings along with brain chemicals decrease over time.

Increasing the need to “spice it up” a little with something different or being “bad”.

 

The same can be said of sleeping with an ex boyfriend after a break up.

You feel low immediately following the break up both mentally and physically.

And sleeping with an ex boyfriend is good in a way that he may know how to hit the spot.

Well otherwise what is the point of going back to that.

This sensation of being “bad” creates a reaction that feels good.

Maybe even better than you have before the split.

You may see no down side to this unless you are still harboring strong feelings for the guy in question.

You may feel empowered as a woman and great as a person.

You may not even feel the need for a relationship at this point at all.

Unless the need to bond and cuddle is something you feel is something you are still missing.

Like sleeping with an ex boyfriend is the means that could lead to a reunion in the relationship   

 

This need to be held, and to have another human body next to them,

Can be brought on by a woman’s natural surge of bonding via oxytocin which is lower in men.

A 2015 survey found about half of 1,000 participants admitted to sleeping with someone post-breakup.

With more than half of those who had ex-sex being women.

This suggests sex with the ex is more common among women.

But also risky when women go into it with unrealistic expectations.

Like thinking it can and will lead to a reconciliation and a relationship.

The chances are very unlikely that will happen.

If it does it is usually short lived.

 

Men may be more enticed to have sex with an ex if they believe if it’s just going to be sex.

And not rekindle the whole relationship according to research.

When a man has an orgasm, he releases the pleasure hormone dopamine.

This makes it more likely he will focus on the pleasure aspect of sleeping with an ex.

Rather than about closure, reconciliation, or loneliness to do with a finished relationship.

 

Clarity

So partners who stay broken up were more likely to report greater clarity in their lives than those who hook up with their exes.

It is also noted that couples in a cyclical relationship tended to be more impulsive about relationship shifts.

Shifts like moving in together, buying a pet together, or having children together, compared to their counterparts.

These couples were also less satisfied with their partner, had poor communication issues.

And were more likely to make decisions that negatively impacted the relationship.

They further had lower self-esteem, and a higher uncertainty about a future with their partner.

 

Although some research found many rekindling couples had strong emotional bonds.

They also reported higher levels of conflict and lower levels of commitment.

It also shows a higher likelihood of verbal abuse and physical violence among cyclical couples.

 

The past and the future

We tend to go to the past because we tend to think of the past as being better.

Because it’s already written.

We know how it happened.

We know what happened, and how it ended.

We can mistake this for security for the future.

We believe it’s certain.

We think we can achieve stability or intimacy through it.

In this situation and sleeping with an ex boyfriend it is obviously not the case.

Beyond the nostalgia for the sexual history of the past relationship.

And the current occurrences of sleeping with an ex boyfriend.

There is one great oversight that overshadows all events past and present..

And that is it did not work out and it ended.

For valid reasons that are still probably valid.

 

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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