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She dumped me: how to get her back


she dumped meShe dumped me and now the relationship is over.  But I don’t want it to be over, I’m not ready for it to end and I still love her, but what can I do?  Where breakups are concerned, it’s often the decision of one party and against the wishes of another, but there’s nothing you can do when your partner breaks up with you, is there?  You just have to accept it and move on, right?  Well, yes, acceptance and moving on are important, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get her back.  Hope for your relationship is not yet lost.  Follow our method to win her back.

Radio Silence

The first step in the method to getting your ex back is to initiate a period of radio silence or no contact.  This is as simple as it sounds: you have to cut off any and all contact you have with your ex, this means no more phone calls, no more visits, no more texts, emails or messages.  You have to be radio silent for it to work, and even after a few days when it gets particularly difficult because you’re really starting to miss your ex, be resolved to stay silent.  It’s a tried and tested method for bringing her back to you.

Time to recover

You should use this period of no contact to take some time and space away from your ex and to recover from the breakup.  “She dumped me” often leaves us with feelings of anger or inadequacy; it makes us think ‘she broke up with me so there must me something wrong with me’.  Use this silence period to work through any issues or thoughts like this and to understand that the breakup was not just your fault.  If you harbor any anger or resentment over the breakup or the way your ex dumped you, then do what you need to do to purge yourself of these feelings.  If you’re angry, the punching bag at the gym can come in very handy to help you rid yourself of your emotions.  You need to recover from the breakup and get rid of any negative feelings you have towards your ex now, before you get her back, or you risk carrying them with you into your new relationship.

She dumped me: why?

You should also use the radio silence period to reflect on your relationship and attempt to identify the reasons why she broke up with you.  Did you do something wrong?  Did you not pay her enough attention?  Use this time wisely to seriously consider the relationship.  Figure out where you went wrong and think about what you might do to fix these things when you get her back.  Discover where you went wrong so that you don’t make the same mistakes again when you get back together.

Improve yourself

“She dumped me, so I’m going to be better and make her want me.”  This is the mindset and attitude you should adopt if you want to win her back, and the no contact period is the perfect time to work on this.  Work on yourself so that when you get her back, you’re a new and improved version of yourself, more positive and forward-facing.  You don’t have to become a different person, but if she’s going to want you back, you’re going to have to be a happy, positive person.  Do things to make yourself seem more interesting and exciting; take up new sports or hobbies to work on yourself physically and spiritually.

Make her miss you

The aim of the silence period is not just for you to recover and work on yourself, but also for her to realise that you’ve stopped calling and for her to notice your absence and miss you.  Once she starts to miss you, she’ll wonder what you’re up to; she may even call you and break the silence before you do.  Once she has started to miss you, she’s going to become very curious about what you’re doing and who you’re doing it with.  The longer the time that passes without her hearing from you, the more she’s going to miss you and the more she’s going to think about you.  By the time you’re ready to end your silence, you’re going to be on her mind constantly.

Get back in contact

Once a sufficient amount of time has passed and you feel stronger and ready to get back in contact with your ex, it’s time to break your silence.  You’re more positive and ready for what lies ahead now.  She dumped me, but I can get her back.

Call her

get your ex backBreak your silence by calling her; in person is too desperate and by text is too impersonal.  Call her up out of the blue and she’ll be so surprised and curious that she’ll answer without any hesitation.  Be prepared before you dial and know exactly what you’re going to say to her.  Control your emotions and stay calm during the call.  The aim of this call is to arrange a meeting in person, but you also want to keep the call as brief as possible to make yourself seem unavailable to your ex.  Ask her how she’s doing, about her family or friends, and ask her if she’d like to meet you this Saturday for a cup of coffee.  Wherever and whenever you ask her to meet you, be specific; don’t leave any uncertainty.  Tell her “I have to go” as soon as possible and don’t dawdle on the phone any longer than necessary; you want to give her the impression that you’re very busy and highly sought-after.

Meet up

The most important thing when you meet up with your ex for the first time since the breakup is that you keep the tone of the meeting casual.  Arrange the meeting to be in a neutral place; not her place or yours, but a café, diner or park where some of the pressure will be relieved because it’s not private and emotions can’t run too high.  Be calm and in control of your emotions, and let your ex see that you’re happy and doing well since the breakup.

Don’t be clingy with your ex, this will send her running.  Be friendly but a little distant and indifferent.  Ask her how she’s doing and focus the conversation on her; let her do most of the talking.  Don’t bring up your relationship or the breakup; let the meeting be more of a two old friends catching up scenario than two exes speaking awkwardly.  End the meeting with “we should do this again sometime” but with no concrete plans.  Keep the meeting fairly brief and be the one to leave first.  This will make you seem a little unavailable to your ex which is exactly what you want.

Look good

During this meeting with your ex, make sure you’re looking your best.  Give the impression that ‘she dumped me but I’m doing great without her’.  Get a haircut a few days beforehand and buy a new shirt in her favourite colour that’s well-fitted to you.  Looking good will give you the confidence you need to face your ex, reinforce the fact that you’re doing well and will make you much more attractive in your ex’s eyes.

Continue to see your ex

The next stage in the method to get your ex back is to continue seeing her casually, with a few more meetings like the first.  In this way, you succeed at re-establishing regular contact between you and your ex.

The follow up

One of the aims of the first meeting is to leave your ex wanting more, so wait a few days after your first meeting and then call her and ask her to meet you again.  Try to change it up and do something different.  Doing new and exciting activities is a great way to prevent these meetings becoming tedious and repetitive and to make them fun and make your ex think of you fondly and look forward to them.  She dumped me, but she’s going to realise that was a mistake when she sees how much fun we have together.

Wait for her

Make sure that it is not always you arranging these meetings.  After meeting your ex a couple times, she should be comfortable enough and looking forward to the next meeting so much that she’ll call you first.  Let her suggest something for the two of you to do together.  Your ex suggesting that you meet up is a great sign since it shows her interest and that she’s looking forward to seeing you again.

Show her you’ve changed

One of the most important goals of these meetings is to show your ex that you’ve changed, to show her you’re a different person now.  You’re not sitting at home crying “She dumped me!” into your pillow; you’re fun, active and happy.  Let her see that you’ve been working on your attitude and improving yourself.  It’s important for her to realise this so she can see that her reasons for breaking up with you are no longer valid.  She needs to recognise that if the two of you got back together, it would be different this time.  It would be a different, better relationship because you are different and better.

Broach the subject

she broke up witAfter you’ve been seeing your ex casually for a few weeks with no mention of your past relationship and no distinguishing the nature of your current relationship, you can bring up the topic of getting back together with your ex.  You’ll know that it’s safe to do this if she starts talking about your relationship in the conditional tense and using phrases like “If we were still together…”  or if she’s eager to make the meetings last longer and calls and texts you outside of your meetings just to ask how your day has been.

Bring it up casually; tell her you had a dream about it or were just thinking about it, and ask her what she thinks about giving it another shot.  Try not to seem too invested in her answer.  Yes, this is the moment of truth for you and all that you’ve been attempting, but she shouldn’t know this.  If she agrees, then great!  If she says no, try not to seem too disheartened.  If she says she needs more time to think about it then allow her this time.

Get back together

She dumped me… again

If she rejects you now, it can feel like you’re being dumped all over again, but try not to look at it this way.  You failed to get your ex back in the end, but you succeeded in doing some incredible work on improving yourself that will make you a much better partner in your next relationship and any girl would be lucky to have you.  Moreover, at least you know now that you’re flogging a dead horse.  There is no point in fighting for a relationship that’s already dead and at least now you can get past this breakup and move on with your life.  Maybe you and your ex can even be friends.  Your relationship is over, but it’s not the end of the world.  There are bigger and better things out there for you.

She dumped me… but I won her back

Congratulations!  You’ve succeeded in winning your ex back after she dumped you, but be aware that you still have a long way to go.  You and your girlfriend need to have a long conversation about your breakup, why it happened and what you can do to be better in the future and so that it doesn’t happen again.  You need to agree to communicate more openly with each other about any worries or doubts that you have to make your future relationship stronger.  You both also need to agree that this is a new relationship and therefore you will treat it that way.  You won’t hold any past arguments or your past breakup against each other, and you will agree to move forward treating this as a brand new relationship.

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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