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Seeing your ex after a long time : What you need to do
Seeing your ex after a long time can be the best test.
That you’re not only in a better place mentally but physically.
You’ve moved on more than you thought and the look on your ex’s face is priceless.
It’s the best in your face moment and their jaw hits the floor.
That’s seeing your ex after a long time in your dreams.
The reality of those meetings can be more of a disaster than all the titanic movies back to back.
When the meetings are random you could be having the worst day ever.
After being battered by gale force wind and rain and a mud puddle shower by a passing truck.
You think it could not get any worse then you see them….
Laughing and looking like they are ready to walk onto the red carpet with their best paparazzi pose.
Merde you look well…
A 2010 research study actually confirmed that just seeing a photo of your ex.
Can trigger activity in the part of your brain that registers physical pain.
If you have recently run into your ex in public.
It can definitely feel like that especially if you are not prepared for it.
Or know that you are both soon going to be attending the same event, the anticipation can be a killer.
You can do yourself an injury with all the anticipation the nerves and the build up.
Here are little ways to cope with seeing your ex after a long time post breakup.
Seeing your ex after a long time : prepare to fail or fail to prepare
Depending on the length of time it has been after the breakup.
Can mean the difference between butterflies and seriously throwing up.
You may get that uncomfortable rumbling in your stomach that comes with being overly nervous.
It could be a good or bad nervous, or something in between or even both it is hard to know.
How you broke up can come back into the forefront of your mind replayed in minute detail.
Reliving all those painful memories again and again.
It can definitely set you up for a fall or at least shake you confidence a whole lot.
If he or she was a jerk and did something like ending it through text or cheating.
This will not help matters either there may be underlying issues that may not be resolved.
Be sure to check the anger and resentment from making an appearance don’t want to go there again.
Perhaps you were a lucky one or couple and the split was amicable.
So the nervous feeling is just having your ex up close and personal again will be pretty pleasurable.
Some ex couples can still stay friendly via social media or a text here and there.
So maybe you haven’t seen him or her in person for a while, but you’ve been in contact.
Maybe you still care, so when you see them you may even get hot and bothered in a good way.
And you can be reminded of all the good in the world and your ex.
There is nothing wrong with cracking a smile when you see your ex.
It can be seen as being happy in yourself which is a good thing.
It could also be seen as being happy to see the ex which is not a bad thing either.
Depending on their view of you and your view of that.
Being cordial and polite in the face of potential adversity.
Can go a long way in terms of showing your maturity.
Or even accepting your ex partner as a friend.
Seeing your ex after a long time : K.I.S.S.
On seeing your ex after a long time coincidentally.
The secret to a successful interaction is keeping it short and sweet. (K.I.S.S.)
Keeping the conversation at under three minutes at most is enough.
You don’t need to catch up on every little thing.
Keep the conversation short kind light hearted and general.
If you find yourself wanting to talk more.
Suggest that you catch up another time.
Remember, when it comes to randomly running into an ex.
The more you talk, the higher the risk is for embarrassment.
Seeing your ex after a long time is just a person from your past.
And unfortunately, sometimes, that’s all it is.
Don’t read into anything your ex says or does.
That hug doesn’t mean that they wants to get back together.
Just because they tell you that you look good which they might if they are being kind.
It doesn’t mean that you two are still in love.
Seeing your ex after a long time is an emotional experience so tread carefully.
You may long for that past, you may get angry at your partner for ruining your future together.
And let’s face it sometimes there is a feeling of unfinished monkey business and you may get horny.
If you both are single there may be no real harm unless you end up wanting more.
As long as you understand it what it is probably just a hookup.
Don’t idealize or fantasize about the person you broke up with.
There is a reason for that and probably a good or bad reason at that.
After seeing your ex after a long time, leave it in the moment, and then, keep moving forward.
Don’t text all of your friends and talk about it incessantly.
Or else you will just end up reliving the breakup all over again.
Seeing your ex after a long time at a planned event
If it is a planned occasion where you know you two will meet.
Like a mutual friends wedding or some birthday weekend bash.
If you two ended things mutually.
A brief text or email message about how you don’t have any hard feelings.
And how you want the weekend to be fun could suffice to smooth out any potential wrinkles.
If it ended badly and there is still a soreness in your heart.
Consider saying that you’ll be there and you just want to have a good time with your friends.
So you will need some space from them.
Muster up confidence before you run into them.
The last thing you want, is to look like you have been pining over them.
Waiting patiently for this moment to arrive.
Or alternatively hiding from them.
Their power over you will seem the same, that you are not over them.
Think of all the great and new things you’ve been doing without them.
Casually slip them into your small talk.
You will sound like you’re doing great, and you will feel great, too.
Seeing your ex after a long time and talking to them keep it light and fun, shoot the breeze .
It’s not the time to air your grievances or the moment to get closure.
If you still feel like you have unfinished business that needs covering.
Then schedule an person to person chat or a phone call for that.
Seeing your ex after a long time don’t boast
Avoid boasting about yourself to seem happier or more fulfilled.
Whether you are doing so well or not,
Seeing your ex after a long time shouldn’t be about who’s better than who.
It is simply an encounter with someone you know from your past, ancient history.
Avoid getting flustered and talking about yourself too much.
If you’ve succeeded in something at work or school.
Avoid being full of it, about yourself.
It’s okay to talk about what you’re up to just don’t rattle on and on
Also avoid trying to use this as an opportunity to belittle your ex making them feel guilty or worthless.
Don’t make the conversation about stirring up resentment, jealousy, or drama.
« Oh, yeah. I have a boyfriend. He’s a model. And a doctor.
He’s not here right now, though, because he’s out of town.
Traveling on his private jet. To do charity work. »
Boasting or exaggerating about your current personal, professional, or romantic situation.
Only makes you out to be desperate and sad.
You don’t need to impress anyone least of all your ex are you looking to woo them ?
And there are not prizes for whoever is doing better after a breakup.
In fact, the person who is doing best post-breakup.
Is the person who has nothing to prove and is just living their life for themselves.
Seeing your ex after a long time with someone new
Be honest and authentic.
Talk about what’s going on in your life, if they ask.
Act natural when your ex is with someone new.
Seeing your ex after a long time and their new partner, it can be particularly awkward.
Avoid being overly fake in your conversation.
Remain calm and natural.
Take the high road and be polite regardless.
This moment will likely be briefer and less painful if you stay strong.
Be willing to say hello and shake the hand of your ex’s new partner.
Consider at least saying, « It’s nice to meet you » or something on those lines.
But you don’t need to say much more than that.
If you act over-the-top and too sweet you will seem fake.
Or if you take the other extreme and avoid eye contact and act like the person isn’t there.
This may come off as discourteous and rude.
Act like you would when meeting anyone new.
There is a slight chance your ex’s new partner might say something unexpected or rude.
This is unlikely, but just make sure you’re prepared to remain composed.
Make a quick reply to end the conversation quickly.
Even just « I’m running really late to meet someone, so I got to go. Nice meeting you! »
If your ex comes at you looking for a fight, don’t sink to their level.
Be the bigger person, and remember all the tips I just gave you.
Keep it short, sweet, and if their still angry, tell them you can meet at another time and place.
If there is still animosity between you and your ex.
And you hate the idea of running into them in public,
Then kill them with kindness if you see them.
Being rude, condescending, or spiteful won’t help either of you.
It does not lead to progress or being happy in your individual lives.
In this case, a wave, a head nod, or a short hello might even be best then leave their company.
At the end of the day, you’ll never regret being kind or having manners.
But whatever you do, make sure you don’t attempt to hide to avoid your ex.
Most likely, they will see you and will have fun telling everyone about it.
It won’t be fun or funny for you.
Remember that healing isn’t linear if you feel fine one moment the next you may not.
And later may need to cry in the bathroom about your ex for a second, that’s OK.
Remember it’s not a failure to feel your feelings or to have them.
Even if your breakup was a long long time ago in a far off distant galaxy.
There’s always room to grow and reflect.
If you do get upset take some time, to recollect and get yourself together.
Then, take some deep breaths, splash cool water on your face.
And get back out to the people celebrating.
If you and your ex are on good terms and you find yourself wanting to hook up during the weekend.
First consider if your ex is single.
There is no shame in hooking up with an ex if that is what you want.
But it is recommended that you consider the effects of doing so very carefully.
It is important to note, that you reflect on whether or not you will regret this later.
If you don’t feel like it will be detrimental to your heart later on.
Hooking up is a totally valid option it’s not like it is strange or even a stranger.
And, hey, the weekend is about having fun and revisiting your past.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com