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8 Reasons To Remarry After Divorce
There are many reasons to remarry after divorce.
But a recently divorced person might have something very different to say.
I read somewhere that divorce is the most stressful thing you are likely to do in your life.
With moving coming a close second.
Well if you married and lived together and then divorced.
Chances are that you probably had to do the top two most stressful things.
Get divorced and move.
So this sets the stage for a mindset for a couple that has been through hell.
So if you mention remarriage to someone who is recently divorced.
You are likely to hear profanities or seriously hysterical laughter.
Either way the chances of getting a positive and affirmative response will be low to nil most often.
Immediately after a divorce many would probably say never again and rightly so.
Then with time healing all wounds, comes forgiveness and allowing the heart to feel again.
Learning to trust again and putting your heart on the line because you feel it’s worth it.
Well you live in hope.
And Oscar Wilde wrote: “Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.”
But then he really was not someone who big on the idea of marriage full stop.
At this stage there two types of people post divorce romantics and cynics.
And you could be mistaken to believe I am among the latter.
I would term myself a hopeless cynical romantic.
In the period following divorce cynics are generally in the higher ratio than romantics.
But this ratio changes over time somewhat.
In this article I will show 8 reasons to remarry after divorce.
I will give reasons for both to remarry after divorce.
I am not suggesting that cynics marry romantics.
I don’t think that would work out does irreconcilable differences sound familiar ?
Don’t go there.
First reason reason to remarry after divorce
Divorce is not as incredibly expensive as cynics think.
It’s really not.
But it’s easy to fall for this myth.
When you constantly see headlines about celebrity couples engaged in a « multi-million dollar divorce. »
But that is just the rich and famous and they are in a different league to you and I.
Thankfully, those costly cases aren’t the norm for the hoi polloi.
As long as the two parties involved can work out who gets what.
In a reasonable and calm manner and there are no children involved.
And if the couple can avoid heading to court each time they have to make a decision.
The fees are very manageable, says Silvana D. Raso, a matrimonial and family law attorney.
And cynics would add of course an attorney would say that they get paid to say that.
If you are willing to do most of the leg work yourself the entire bill can be less than $1,000 in the United States.
If the divorce is not likely to go smoothly
That’s a case for mediation as the more affordable route.
Conflict resolution is less expensive than conflict escalation in the courts.
This is where the cynics raise again their heads and voices and say.
“When is divorce ever amicable ?”
Psychology Today states that in the USA « … a whopping 60% of remarriages fail.
And they do so even more quickly; after an average of 10 years.
37% of remarriages have dissolved versus 30% of first marriages.
You’d think you would learn a lot from a first marriage.
Things that you can apply to a second marriage.
And wouldn’t you have learned to be more cautious about tying the knot again?
One thing’s for sure giving marriage another go definitely ups the chances of divorce.
Once a person discovers that he or she can manage a divorce.
They are less scared of going through the process again.
This could be because « divorce doesn’t help us choose a better partner or be a better mate in our next relationship. Divorce teaches us how to divorce, » says Wendy Walsh, PhD
And that for cynics is a good thing, it is still a lesson learned in their book.
Interestingly, women initiate two-thirds of all divorces.
And only half as many divorced women as men want to marry again.
Most men require a lot of care. They want to be fed.
They require copious amounts cleaning up after.
They’re physically large and take up space.
They demand attention in ways large and small.
But why would a divorced woman sign herself up to have to do it ?
Sex on demand is a beautiful thing, but having the bed to oneself is equally a treat.
Once the kids are old enough if there are any to fend for themselves get around on their own.
The feeling of liberation can be pure bliss.
Being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want, in your own home!
People have fought wars for less.
Or was it what they went through divorce for?
It certainly goes some way to explain for the remarriage statistics of divorced men and women.
Second reason to remarry after divorce for cynical women.
And it could be considered a substantial one, it’s the financial stability.
If you can’t support yourself alone, or you crave a better lifestyle than you can afford on your own.
It can be seen as a good reason to remarry after divorce to ease that burden.
Your finances should be compatible.
Have you checked his credit history?
What kind of debt will he bring into the marriage, if any?
Is he paying child support?
How will you each protect assets you bring into the marriage?
When all this is considered and incomes are joined will you have enough to live comfortably as a blended family?
All these considerations when answered correctly and appropriately.
Can be seen by a cynical woman or anyone for that matter really. as good reasons to remarry after divorce.
Third reason to remarry after divorce for romantics
If you learn from your mistakes and everybody should then the second time will be better.
I know I have covered this previously somewhat.
But that was for the benefit of the cynics and the statistics say blah blah blah.
This is for the romantic’s who understand and subscribe to the idea that love is blind.
Like the end of any kind of relationship the ending is hard.
And something that initially can put you off getting burnt again.
But like the quote from writer and philosopher George Santayana
« Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. »
If you haven’t really learned from your mistakes sure it ain’t going to work a second time.
But if you chose better partners and make better choices this time and were ready for love and companionship.
The willingness of individuals to admit what they had done wrong the first time around, instead of putting all the blame on their former spouse contributes greatly to successful remarriages.
Another was that both spouses felt they had discarded older gender-stereotyped attitudes and behavior that had created problems in their first marriage especially if there are children to be considered.
After being alone, it really means something to have someone to laugh with, grow old with and care for in your life.
It is a definite reason to remarry after divorce.
It’s nice to have someone to hug after a bad day and it’s even better to share a warm bed with someone who loves you.
Fourth reason to remarry after divorce for romantics
Some would say marriage is good for the soul.
And we are talking about marriage it does relate to the bonding of souls.
Standing before an altar of your choice taking vows for traditional religious romantics or civic legalities if that’s your choice.
We as humans are meant to have companionship and love in our lives.
For many of us, love is needed in the same way we need food, water and shelter.
We live in a couple-oriented society and we don’t like to feel left out or discriminated against.
If we have young children we still think it’s best to have a spouse.
Fifth reason to remarry after divorce for romantics and cynics alike
Because you want to, not because you need to.
When you’ve completely healed and over your divorce you won’t think of remarriage as something you “need” to do.
It will be something you “want” to do.
It is after you can live happily and single, on your own.
It is reasonable to assume you will be able to live happily as a couple with someone you love.
You won’t need that person to take care of you or your emotional needs.
But you will want to share the happy life you’ve built with your new love.
Sixth reason to remarry after divorce for romantics and cynics.
You know who you are and you like who you are and it’s not a narcissistic quality.
But one another person can love.
You have the abilities and resources required to work through marital and relationship problems.
Inevitable troubled times in the marriage can be tackled and dealt with.
Because you and your new spouse are functioning, autonomous individuals.
Who don’t shy away from an argument.
Because of how well you can work through conflict.
The ability to resolve disputes far outweighs the ability to make each others toes curl in the bedroom.
Although toe curling is an extra benefit in making up afterwards.
When it comes to determining how successful a marriage will be conflict resolution is number one especially when it comes to avoiding divorce
If your relationship has been marked by conflict, turmoil, cheating.
Constantly breaking up and getting back together you don’t have the stability to maintain a healthy relationship during marriage.
You have to have no leftover baggage from your previous marriage.
When it comes to your ex-spouse you are able to have a civil relationship and co-parent in a healthy manner.
Assess whether you want to be a step-parent.
Especially if your new partner has children, you must be willing to take on new responsibilities.
Breaking with traditional gender patterns is especially important when children are involved.
Successful step families are more flexible in their family boundaries than couples in a “traditional” nuclear family.
This means being less rigid in assigning parenting roles by gender.
A smart stepfather, for example, doesn’t try to become the family disciplinarian.
A stepmother may find it more effective to act like a friendly aunt than to try to become an instant “mom.”
If you are both reliable, dependable and consistent in your love and concern for each other, maybe it’s time to hit the altar again !
Seventh reason to remarry after divorce for romantics
If you two hold similar values and beliefs.
Happily married couples should have a lot in common.
Having like-minded views on issues that are important to both of you is the glue that holds good relationships together.
Having similar core beliefs, values, and ethics is associated with marital success and is less associated with marital instability and divorce.
If you aren’t on the same page regarding important issues such as how many children to have.
How to spend or utilise marital assets, or how to deal with issues that arise.
As you consider whether or not you are ready to get married again, take time to consider each of the above bad and good reasons.
The time you spend making sure that marriage, right now, is right for you could save you a lot of emotional pain in the future.
Eighth reason to remarry after divorce for romantics
When you know you know.
The reason is for Love, plain and simple.
Remarry because your love has been proven.
Because you want to settle down again. It’s not about settling but about the companionship.
It has stood the test of time, the ups, and downs that come along with life.
Test it before you bet the rest of your life on it.
Then you can be sure you have good reasons to remarry after divorce.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com