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Relationship crisis : 9 Powerful pieces of advice to get results now
A relationship crisis can be one of the hardest challenges to deal with for a person and a couple.
In these moments, what you do will have effects that can last for a lifetime or two.
It is truly challenging enough on its own.
Attempting to correct it without the right tools.
And possibly some expert guidance it can quickly get out of hand.
Leading a couple to disaster.
When a relationship crisis is allowed to take control of people’s lives it can only end badly.
But this is a choice many people take, to allow it to do so.
Instead consciously, choose to control your lives and face the issues head on.
Sometimes unconsciously people can opt to go with relationship crisis having something of a fatalistic approach and the reasons can be complicated.
As complicated as the initial problem itself.
So at times, people may choose crisis as their path.
We have to respect each person’s journey.
And what has happened up to this point.
Trying to change someone else’s choice can make add extra difficulties to an already difficult situation.
Not something you need, with the state of affairs being what they are right now.
In a couple it can seem like double trouble.
While already trying, to get to the root of the problems and communicate it.
Doing your best to keep cool when the issues can be heated.
Attempting to elicit change or offer solutions for two.
It can be tough to say the least.
But everyone has the option.
To work on themselves first before tackling the relationship crisis as a couple.
This can turn interpersonal couple issue into personal transformation events.
And change lives for the better.
Another reason people can embrace crisis is to prompt drastic change.
People are exchangeable or so we can be led to believe.
We can think, “This is not working out, it is no good,
I’ll dump them move on and find someone else.”
It can sometimes seem the easier option.
And sometimes we find that someone else displays the same or even worse tendencies than the one we just left.
We are taught to be independent, and this is definitely a benefit and valued characteristic to have.
We are self-made, learning to be self reliant and self sufficient.
But taken to extreme end of the spectrum.
This attitude and attribute is guaranteed to interfere in our relationships.
It can lead to an inability or unwillingness to face challenges.
And the difficulties involved as a couple and a team player.
Rather than just retraining the current players.
We change the scenery.
We bring in unfamiliar players to play with.
It’s a new game with new partners and a new scenario.
But with the same old baggage getting carried on to the new field.
Without facing the issues and developing new skills.
We face playing a losing game at a disadvantage.
We have lost an opportunity.
To learn and grow out of and away from our past mistakes.
Which is essential as a means for personal growth, development and winning.
And perhaps that is more beneficial and valuable.
Than independence is to a couple or team players.
1. In A Relationship Crisis, Focus Where It is Needed
In relationships crisis and crisis in general there can be the dreadful sense of being utterly overwhelmed.
To cope with trying to find and offer solutions.
While dealing the pain suffering and hurt involved.
It can be all to much to handle.
An inability to get to grips with the problems that can appear so great and complicated.
Sometimes the reaction to this is to throw your hands in the air and say I give up.
Throw in the towel as they say in the fight game.
This comes as a result of trying to tackle too much at once.
An all or nothing attitude will go nowhere in looking for solutions to a relationship crisis.
It only causes further problems.
Focus on the issues.
Break them down and recognize them, itemize them.
Identify specific causes.
I say causes, not symptoms.
Do not be distracted in that respect.
And if necessary group them.
As in related ones, like communication issues and a resulting possible connection to intimacy issues.
In this way, you will root out the core issues.
Along with those that are related.
Getting an understanding of those that are of the greatest concern.
It allows the overwhelming aspect of the crisis to be broken down.
Grouped and compartmentalized.
Each can then be given their respective levels of importance or urgency.
Once this has been done to the satisfaction of both partners in the couple crisis.
This will go a long way.
In showing you both that the core issues may in fact be fewer than you thought.
It tends to simplify matters greatly.
The issues can be dealt with in a methodical and progressional manner.
Rather than taking pot shots at aspects of issues.
You both can focus on the real problems.
Rather than crisis points that, may not reflect the core problems.
2. Don’t sweat the small stuff
This has become a general gem in dealing with a variety of issues and difficulties for other things as well as couple crisis.
Don’t sweat the small stuff.
It kind of speaks for itself.
In matter of factly identifying each of the offending issues.
You will inevitably come across some issues that are a smokescreen or a distraction.
Some small issues that don’t need a third party to deal with.
They may only need highlighting, in order for them to evaporate.
Or things that you can’t change for example “that time when….”
Will fall into this category.
The cause behind the trouble in the past may need addressing.
The same goes for naming specific instances of pet hates that can not be changed.
Other areas like characteristic behavior may just need accommodating.
- I wish you would pick up after yourself.
- I wish you were more interested in sex.
- I wish you saved more money.
When we air dissatisfaction’s and request behavior changes.
We think we are being reasonable and it may seem that way.
We tell ourselves and our partners that we are simply giving feedback.
Offering constructive criticism, trying to improve the relationship.
In fact, we are attempting to renovate our partners.
Spouses are not renovation projects.
So there are some small things about them you may just have to accept and can not change.
Recognize them accept them and get over them.
Try to live free of those small silly stupid arguments.
That invariably result from bringing up, for the millionth time.
Pet peeves, perceived mistreatment, and unresolved conflicts.
Remind yourself that whatever happened, happened.
And that there is no reason or benefit to dragging the past into your future.
Lingering on hurtful memories only perpetuates them.
3. In A Relationship Crisis Take Personal Responsibility
Personal Responsibility is Crucial for Happiness-Maximization.
As those who have journeyed on a quest for happiness know full well.
A crucial milestone on the path involves taking personal responsibility.
This also goes doubly for relationship crisis.
It means not blaming others for your unhappiness.
As many try to do.
It means figuring out ways in which you can be happy despite others’ negative behaviors and despite the external circumstances.
And in a relationship it means being keenly aware.
Of your faults mistakes and your part in the crisis.
Remember It takes two to tango.
It is often easier to focus on the faults, mistakes and behaviors of your partner.
This is the most damaging mistake people make.
Also avoid the temptation to play “the victim”.
It’s not productive in a relationship crisis, ever really.
Instead, focus on your part in creating the crisis.
While others do play a part in our experiences, especially in a relationship.
Our feelings are a result of how we perceive a situation to be.
Our pain comes from what we think about a situation
Not just the situation itself.
You can’t control other people’s behavior
But you can control how you react to the circumstances in your life.
And how other people “make you feel”.
« The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven. » John Milton
4. Work On Improving Yourself
Ask yourself: What drew me to this person to begin with?
What qualities did they possess that I found valuable?
What made them so amazing? And are they still?
Reevaluating the reasons you came together.
Reminds you of the reasons to stay together.
And this strengthens your already existing foundation.
Ask your partner what they love and don’t love about you.
This means being open to and accepting, constructive criticism.
With this highlighting the areas in need of self improvement.
Be honest, patient, accommodating and forgiving.
As much as you can with yourself and above all your partner in this relationship crisis.
And forgiveness patience and being accommodating is a process not a result.
So don’t expect it to occur at the drop of a hat, or instantly.
Most people fail to see.
The most important changes that need to happen, are from within themselves.
A relationship crisis can often be seen as a symptom of deeper core issues within you that needs dealing with.
Are you meditating or involved in some training that helps you to control your emotions, thinking, and promotes personal growth?
Do you have a career that is fulfilling, rewarding, and allows you to express your talents?
Is your life in balance?
These are the types of questions you need to be asking yourself.
Before facing the relationship crisis.
Be honest with yourself, and examine where you have an imbalance in any area of your life.
The next step is to take immediate action to create a more balanced life.
5. Relationship Crisis 101 access support networks
Make an actual appointment with each other to talk and discuss the issues.
If you live together, put the cell phones away.
Put the kids to bed, and let voicemail pick up your calls.
Set up some simple ground rules.
Try not to interrupt, until your partner is finished speaking.
Don’t change the subject until you both are ready to do so.
And make it clear if you are about to.
Like saying “On a different subject or matter…”
Ban absolute statements which contain phrases such as « You always … » or « You never …. »
They always cause problems and are never true.
Nod so the other person knows you’re getting the message.
Rephrase what is being said in your own words if you want to show you understand or need to clarify something.
If you two just can’t seem to communicate well.
Or you both encounter further problems.
With discussing and dealing with the issues, in a calm manner, without raising your voices.
Go to a public spot like the library, park, or restaurant.
Where you would attract attention or be embarrassed if anyone saw you raising your voice.
One of the most common traits of successful people is the ability to “seek the advice of experts” when times are getting tough.
This holds true for couples in a relationship crisis.
Especially if the avenues taken have led them nowhere or have not produced results that are working.
Regardless of what steps you take, if you’re in a tight spot or what you are doing isn’t working.
You will most likely benefit from some type of expert advice or mediation.
It’s very important that you take advantage of the resources available to you. Instead of trying to do it all on your own.
Especially when it is hard to be objective with each partner being involved.
This may be one of the most important decisions you ever make.
It could haunt you for the rest of you life.
If you fail to give it the proper opportunity to succeed.
Consider expert help if you are encountering these types of situations.
It could be the decision to stay with or leave your romantic partner.
Or decisions about how to communicate with them about a critical issue.
If you keep taking steps in the relationship crisis.
But you both aren’t getting the results you want.
There is likely a different strategy you could use.
That would allow you to get different results.
You just might not be aware of that strategy, but a professional will.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com