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My husband is unhappy : What can I do for him


Whether you suspect or feel that my husband is unhappy.

That kind of knowledge may make you an unhappy wife.

Instead of falling into a circle of mutual accusations.

It would be more constructive to maturely,

Take responsibility and see what is that you could do about it.

My husband is unhappy, what can I do for him ?

 

First and foremost, we must realize that everyone is ultimately responsible for their own happiness.

And simultaneously that everyone exerts a powerful influence on the happiness of those around them.

A study by Nicholas Christakis, suggests that we influence the happiness of people close to us physically.

As well as the happiness of people close to us personally up to three degrees of separation.

Meaning not just the friends of our friends but their friends as well.

How might this influence come about?

 

Not by the advice we give or the action we take to try to make others happier.

But simply by being happy ourselves.

Emotions, it turns out, are as contagious as infectious diseases.

 

Some of us seem to be more contagious than others.

And some of us especially susceptible to being « infected » by others.

But most of us have had firsthand experience in bringing others up or down with our moods.

And in being brought up or down by the moods of others.

 

My husband is unhappy what can I do : Happy wife = happy life

The most effective way to help others become happier, then, may very well be by focusing on becoming happy ourselves.

This may strike some as selfish.

But we can easily imagine the happy feelings flowing readily from our own happiness outwards.

A heightened ability to encourage, support, and inspire.

One strategy we shouldn’t adopt, no matter how tempting it may be.

Is to give our unhappy loved ones what they ask for automatically.

Without carefully considering the consequences.

What unhappy people want is so often not what they need.

 

That this band aid approach must in the end be considered unwise at best.

We may feel compelled to give them what they want out of our own sense of urgency.

To lever them out of whatever unhappy mode they’re in.

But this urge often rises from our discomfort, not theirs.

And causes us to suspend our good judgment in favor of what seems expedient.

 

My husband is unhappy : cultivate gratitude and appreciation of him

Why is it that in the beginning, we don’t get bothered that much about things that later in marriage drive as crazy?

If you think it’s because back then you were unrealistically in love.

Remember then, how many times have you heard people who lost someone saying how they would give anything to be around things that once were so annoying to them.

What does that tell you?

The same thing can feel completely different depending on our point of view.

At the beginning and in the end.

We are simply much more aware of the blessings we just got, or lost.

So, don’t let gifts you have in your hands slip between your fingers.

Practice gratefulness and your whole experience of life will change.

Appreciate everything good about your partner and make him know that.

Nothing makes us more willing to be good than a person who sees us that way.

 

My husband is unhappy : Space is vital in a relationship

Think of it this way, your marriage should be an interdependent relationship and not one that is dependent and enmeshed.

Time spent apart creates space between the couple, which they need to grow, evolve and miss one another.

 

Another thing that creeps into long-term relationships is when two partners stop having fun together.

The routine settles in and the relationship just becomes a list of responsibilities.

When your husband comes home from a day at work do you give him a warm welcome?

Or do you greet him with a list of things that he didn’t do or that he didn’t do right?

You both have every right to feel overwhelmed and tired from life’s tribulations.

But remember as you are in a partnership and you should both be lifting each other up.

By doing the opposite, you drain the energy out of the relationship and out of the bond between you.

 

 

My husband is unhappy : keep the communication clean and clear

Having a solid communication is the key element of every relationship.

Unfortunately, our true communication is often contained in that which is unspoken.

We can change open and honest communication for means of manipulation.

Things like the silent treatment, expecting others to read our minds.

Or can you not guess?

These forms of communication can only be used for the purpose of torturing our partner and ourselves too.

We were given words to communicate with, not crystal balls.

And when we say something, we should really mean it and stand behind it.

There’s no need for nagging.

If you are consistent and keep your words and actions in alignment.

If you take your own words seriously.

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

That’s the way your husband’s gonna understand them too.

 

Accept that we all are imperfect

Due to the differences in the upbringing of boys and girls.

We tend to see men as less emotional and sensitive.

The truth is, they are not so different to women.

They also need love, attention, and understanding.

But since they were usually taught as young boys that they have to be tough.

They may have some difficulties in expressing those needs and vocalizing them.

They have their own insecurities and wounds that need healing.

Even though they are usually much better at hiding such a things.

Women are not the only ones who seek and need approval and encouragement.

 

My husband is unhappy : so don’t make marriage into a prison

Actually, it can be, if you make it that way.

Taking literally “the bonds of holy matrimony” can be restrictive.

But, if you do so, be sure that the only thing your husband will think about is how to break free.

If we want a marriage based on love, not fear.

We should leave the space for both to breathe and expand.

Freedom doesn’t mean doing whatever comes to your mind or whatever you want.

You both should know what is your part of the deal and what it means to uphold that deal.

And you want your husband to respect the deal because of love, not because he has no other options.

Don’t make him choose between you and everything else.

Love gives us wings, fear ties us in chains.

You choose which one you are going to base your marriage on.

 

Possible reasons why my husband is unhappy

The feeling of being head over heels in love is powerful.

So powerful,that many couples forget that having a successful marriage, requires more than just being in love.

Men often don’t realize that marriage isn’t an addition to their life, like the car, the house and the wife.

But really a call to change their life.

This takes a while to sink in but that marriage means your life changes.

Men sometimes have a hard time accepting this.

 

People continue to evolve and change but within the context of someone else, in partnership.

Men often want to go about life at their pace as usual.

Learn, grow, change or try to stay the same as individuals.

What they don’t comprehend is that their growth or lack of, has a direct impact on their partner.

Often men find themselves being forced to finally grow up and they don’t like it.

They love their wives but they want their lives to be the same.

 

If you want him to be happy, feel loved, and feel sexually attracted to you, he needs to feel admired.

He is not going to tell you this and he may not even be able to pinpoint the problem.

But if you are doing and saying things which beat him down instead of build him up.

You are asking for your man to be unhappy in the marriage.

The number one secret thing that men really need is nurturing.

The truth is men want love and appreciation just like women do.

And if there is no gratitude, they will tire of the union.

 

Open up to suggestions

My husband is unhappy, everyone can feel unhappy sometimes.

And your partner will be more open to sharing those feelings of unhappiness with you.

If they feel like you’re both in the same boat.

Let them know the next time you don’t quite feel like yourself.

Or are having a bad day in order to set the tone for the relationship of openness and safety.

 

Can you recall a time when you weren’t feeling your best self.

Or perhaps a time when you were questioning whether you should stay or flee, hide or speak up?

Start from there.

It will show your significant other that there is no shame to be feeling how they are feeling.

And it will offer them hope that they can bounce back.

 

Chances are you have both shared fantasies with each other.

You might talk about what you would do with a million dollars if you had it.

What you’d change about yourself, or which celebrity you’d like to be.

 

A good way to frame a conversation about a partner’s potential unhappiness is similar to this.

Ask your partner what they could have realistically from you or their life in general to improve it.

If you make them comfortable and make it seem like just another hypothetical they’ll be more likely to open up.

From there, you may be able to either implement that change.

Or use it as context for finding out what could be bothering them, if anything.

 

Beware though, You should be prepared to hear something you may not like.

Remember that if you don’t get defensive, they’ll be more likely to be honest.

 

My husband is unhappy : help him find his flow moments

There is nothing a man can do to make his marriage more enjoyable,

more happy or more rewarding than to find his own happiness and his reason for being.

And looking to others to fill our empty vessel by getting our partner’s to appreciate us, be affectionate toward us, like us, touch us, have sex with us, is the shallowest form of personal happiness.

Studies have shown that the more flow moments you have, the happier you are in general.

Flow moments are when you lose yourself to an experience by being completely absorbed in whatever it is you’re doing.

If you’re an artist, a writer, or even a runner, you may already understand this type of experience.

It’s that moment when the world falls away, and you are just experiencing or enjoying what you’re doing.

Choose an activity that challenges you a little bit, but that is still familiar so that you can completely lose yourself in it.

For example, if you enjoy painting landscapes, then you might try painting a new subject such as a portrait or a basket of fruit.

 

My husband is unhappy get him to develop his social life

Many studies point to our relationships as being key to our happiness.

If your main relationship, that is your marriage is unhappy, then you may not see how you can change your situation.

Your spouse doesn’t have to be your main source of social interactions and vice versa.

You can have fulfilling relationships with friends, as well as other members of your family.

Try to go out to dinner with friends one night per week or get together with a sibling or cousin for a day of shopping or an activity session such as tennis or swimming.

If you don’t have a lot of friends, then try to meet more people who share your interests.

For example, you could join a bowling league, take an art class, or find a choir or band who need new members.

 

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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