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The ECHOBACK treatment when my heart is broken
When someone says my heart is broken.
There is very little anyone can do or say to help solve the problem.
It is a case for support in rebuilding the self.
And allowing time to heal all wounds.
That healing is a process that will take time.
The ECHOBACK treatment can help mend « my heart is broken« .
The ECHOBACK treatment is a method that focuses on changing your mind.
Following a break up and when you say my heart is broken.
The biggest stumbling block to recovery can be the mind and its obsessional ways to remind you.
The mind will replay the memories of the past relationship over and over.
It will do it even though you consciously realize that those memories are in fact
a source of pain and suffering for you now.
A great step towards recovery is to deal with the mind and those memories.
Not so much to forget them.
Because that is not really possible.
But to move away from thinking them so often.
Because we can not just delete memories like digital photographs from a phone.
We can only prevent them from coming to mind so often.
This is the basis of the ECHOBACK treatment.
To prevent or distract those painful memories from echoing back to your mind too often.
It is almost like a magicians trick of misdirecting the audience’s attention.
So they don’t notice the sleight of hand.
The symptoms of a broken heart can mirror a depressive episode.
It can affect a decrease in appetite, disrupt sleep, and cause anxiety about the future.
Some indulge in over indulgence to mask the pain.
Over eating. excessive use of alcohol or even short term relationships or one night stands.
All of which are unhealthy and do not really help to move on in a substantial way.
When the relationship ends but you still crave to hear their voice, read old phone texts.
Or look at pictures, painfully reminding you of happier times.
It can be likened to going through withdrawal, similar to drug addicts.
Being in love is like being hooked on a drug and breaking up is similar to addiction withdrawal.
According to some doctors who have studied the research on the subject.
When we are heartbroken our brains respond the same way to addicts withdrawing.
From Class A drugs, such as heroin.
But just as an addict needs to fight the urges to use drugs.
Those who are heartbroken need to think rationally.
And need to seriously redirect their focus away from those urges.
And that is what the ECHOBACK method is all about.
When my heart is broken go through it, not around it.
Evidence suggests that love facilitates growth of the self, expanding and diversifying who you are.
As you spend time together, the lines between you and your partner become blurred.
You can begin to wonder where do you stop and your partner begins in a way.
Your concept of self and your concept of the partner become inextricably intertwined.
So it is no surprise that when a relationship ends,
people experience confusion in their ideas of themselves and a contraction of the self.
Your sense of self actually shrinks.
You might feel lost and unsure of who you are.
The remedy? Start rebuilding. Rebuilding requires redefinition.
It is time to try new things and spend time with new people.
Pursue the benefits of self concept rediscovery and redefinition.
Evidence suggests that individuals who do not make progress on redefining
and rediscovering themselves experience poorer psychological well being.
And post break up adjustment on a week to week basis.
One of the most important actions you can take to heal post break up
is to expose yourself to new people, challenges, and experiences.
With the emphasis on the new.
As doing the same old things may not demand so much of our attention.
And that is the key to the distraction part of the method for my heart is broken recovery.
Engaging in new activities and seeing new people demands so much more of our attention.
It is hard to think of anything else.
And that is the new object of your desires.
Refocus your attention to new things instead of old habituals.
Detach and revel in your independence again.
Attempting to fill the void yourself without rushing head long into a new relationship.
Or trying desperately to win your lover back is essentially what detaching is all about.
The Buddha taught that attachments are what leads to suffering.
So the most direct path to happiness and peace is detachment.
Detachment in this context and case can be any type of distraction you care to engage in.
It could be the comfort of old friends and the love and support that they can provide.
It could be family for the same reasons.
It could be the potters wheel and the pottery classes you always wanted to do.
Or any kind of hobby activity you can imagine or want to engage in.
Learning a new skill or even taking up totally new studies will engage your mind.
If you are interested enough in it, it can totally engulf you.
It can consume your mind so there is little room to focus on anything else.
You are free to choose whatever it is you like to do.
With out the constraints of having to confer to a second person for any reason.
You could go to that rock concert from the band you love.
But your ex did not and never wanted to go to.
You could pack up and go on an adventure holiday or even a sedate cruise in the Caribbean.
You are free to choose and make your own decisions.
You are the master of your own destiny so be it, by your command.
Engage with yourself for yourself on your own terms.
When you say my heart is broken, part of the recovery is to distract yourself.
Distract yourself from saying my heart is broken.
Doing other activities will help you do this
And the more engaged you are in it the less you will be able to think my heart is broken.
And that is a good thing right now.
Allow some fantasizing.
If you are trying to banish a sexual fantasy from your head.
Telling yourself “I’m not going to fantasize about her”.
Or “I won’t think about what it would be like to be intimate with him” might make it worse.
In a famous psychological study from the 1980’s,
a group of subjects were told to think about anything but whatever they did.
They were not supposed to think about a white bear.
Guess what they all thought about?
A white bear of course.
So the idea of trying not to think about someone does not work.
Instead you have to focus on someone else.
To make them the object of your desires.
Rather than trying not to think my heart is broken.
I miss my ex and wallowing in self pity and indulging the suffering you feel.
It works better if you pick someone you know.
But it can be your favorite actor or actress.
And fantasize about them at least once a day.
The more you fantasize about them the better.
Really go to town in the fantasy the more detailed it is the more it will benefit you.
Imagine running your fingers through their hair and how it might smell.
How it might feel to be wrapped up in their arms warm and yet a shiver runs down your spine.
To the small of your back where their hand is…
And from there you are on your own, quite literally.
It may sound funny or a bit odd.
But it is just about replacing the object of your desires.
With a distraction specifically aimed your broken heart.
Help someone else.
When you turn your attention to another person.
Especially someone who is struggling with the same kind of pain.
You forget about yourself for those moments and you can lose yourself in that act.
And let’s face it, that, on some days, feels like a miracle.
You could help out at a shelter or volunteer at a charity.
The fact the you will see others who may be worse off than you can be very cathartic.
And a great remedy to the self pity that you can be subject to.
When you think my heart is broken.
My heart is broken Laugh and cry.
Laughter heals on many levels and so does crying.
Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection fighting antibodies.
Thus improving your resistance to disease.
Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel good chemicals.
Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain.
Even if you struggle to laugh on demand of even to find something worth laughing at.
Smiling has a similar effect in that even if you are not really feeling it.
It can still promote the feeling of a real involuntary smile .
So fake it until you make it.
You think it is just a coincidence that you always feel better after a good cry?
Nope, there are many physiological reasons that contribute to the healing power of tears.
Some of them have been documented by biochemist William Frey.
Who has spent 15 years as head of a research team studying tears.
Among their findings is that emotional tears as opposed to tears of irritation,
like when you cut an onion, contain toxic biochemical byproducts.
So that weeping removes these toxic substances and relieves emotional stress.
So go ahead grab a box of tissues and cry your afternoon away.
My heart is broken make a good and bad lists.
You need to know which activities will make you feel good.
And which ones will make you want to toilet paper your ex lover’s house or apartment.
You won’t really know which activity belongs on which list until you start trying things.
But I have no doubt that things like checking out their posts on Social media
should go on the bad list.
Studies have recently shown this activity to actually increase the negative feelings.
Besides this is not about maintaining my heart is broken it is about recovering from it.
And social media and especially the ex partners accounts should be considered a no go area.
If you have not already consider blocking or even unfriending them.
It may seem cruel but it is a case of being cruel to be kind to yourself.
Along with emails and phone calls to their friends fishing for information about them .
On the “feels good” list might be found such ventures as:
deleting all of their emails and voicemails.
Even pawning off the jewelry they might have given you
and using the cash for a much needed massage?
Some suggest and it is considered common practice to purge all those tiny reminders anyway.
The social media contact, the photos and mementos even the clothes they left behind.
Box them up and donate them to charity.
Another activity for the good list is laughing over coffee with a new friend.
One who doesn’t know your ex from Adam to ensure their name will not come up in conversation.
My heart is broken work it out.
Stressful life events, like a break up, produce a variety of depressive like symptoms.
That can be difficult to manage.
There is loads of evidence to suggest that physical exercise can serve as an effective intervention.
Disrupting the link between such stressful life events and their potential consequences.
For example mood problems, sleep issues, difficulty concentrating.
While exercise can be a help to curb your feelings of stress.
The physical activity may buffer your depressive symptoms, an important step towards recovery.
It can be a social outing like walking with friends through nature.
Or you could hit the gym.
There is nothing like an exhaustive work out to aid sleep.
Or to make you not only feel better about yourself but to even look better.
Plus it keeps your mind from thinking my heart is broken.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com