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My ex needs space : What should I do to bring them back ?
I need my space or my ex needs space.
Is a common thing after a break up.
It could even come up in a stable and loving relationship.
But my ex needs space can mean different things to different people.
It won’t mean the same thing coming from the lips of a suffocated partner.
As it would from the mouth of an astronaut.
There is a difference between giving you partner or spouse space.
And leaving him or her alone all together.
That difference is usually coming from a place.
Of either love and understanding or fear and anger.
The difference can be one of giving it with intention of getting a better connection.
Or issuing it as a means for absolute disconnection.
You can give someone space and allow them to have autonomy.
Balancing independence and dependence in a loving caring manner.
And you could give them space by cutting all contact.
And having nothing to do with them at all.
And sometimes it can be used in a way that is an attempt.
To avoid the cruelty of a hard break up.
Like saying it is not you it is me.
But just not in some many words.
And the indecision and inherent hope is left dangling.
As is the partner or spouse in a netherworld.
As a means to avoid the harsh words.
As a means to escape the duties.
Of one who wishes to end a relationship but can not face it.
In favor of time and despondency to send that message of finality.
So the statement can have two separate and different meanings.
And both could be true of the same statement.
But obviously not at the same time.
Well perhaps in the confused state of emotions that follow a break up.
The person may not even know for sure what they are asking for.
Which way their intentions for the future lie.
So it can be difficult to tell what is actually meant by it.
And if the follow up to My ex needs space is « What does that mean ? »
And the reply is “I do not know”.
You may just have to take their word for it.
They may be telling the absolute truth.
Generally people think there are two choices or options in this situation.
But there are more than two.
And how you feel about your ex can prompt the action you take.
If you are coming from a stable place of love and understanding.
You will give it willingly because you are secure in your situation.
And understanding of the call and need that prompted the request.
If you are coming from a place that is motivated by fear and distrust.
Like in the immediate aftermath of a rough break up.
You may be unwilling but unable to deny it.
So it will be granted grudgingly in an atmosphere of panic, fear and desperation.
With the dread of the possible outcomes from it.
And having to wait for it exacerbating the situation no end.
Overshadowing the obvious and very great need.
You can be dependent, giving your ex all the time they need.
Without saying a word, while simply waiting for the decision to be made.
Which will further make you more anxious.
Or you can do too much of the opposite and end up badgering them.
Between these methods there are various outcomes.
In truth the real action you should take.
Is to gain strength and resolve to move forward in a productive manner.
You may feel the urgent need to take action.
Which will not work to your advantage.
Only make the situation worse.
It wont show the conviction to try conquer your ex’s doubts.
Pressing the point to force them to tell you what they mean by it.
You can only force their hand.
Changing an undecided decision into an absolute.
And this decision will go against you.
And though you may not realize it .
You will also need time and space after a breakup.
It is not time to just sit there watching your phone.
Or repeatedly hitting refresh on your social media feed.
It is not either time try to ponder and solve the puzzle.
Of what the words “My ex needs space” actually means.
Or why they even need it.
You have to make sure that you use this time.
Wisely and productively for yourself.
In order to maximize your chances of getting the decision you want.
My ex needs space but how much is enough?
How much time should you give your ex?
Of course everyone should understand the need for space.
And not giving it is disastrously counter productive.
Especially after a break up.
But how long should that space and time be.
Because if it is indefinite.
It can end up seeming like a six by ten prison cell.
Of solitary confinement for one.
And an early release program for the other.
Of course it should be agreed to.
With a specified and agreed time limit.
At which point either a decision is made.
Or if thought really necessary a further period is agreed.
It should not be left open ended for an undefined period.
This is truly inconsiderate and selfish of anyone to ask.
Be wary of anyone who does they may be just stringing you along.
How long ? How long is a piece of string ?
You should take into account the length of your relationship.
It is important to understand that if your relationship lasted for a short time.
The length of time needed to reflect on it will not be the same.
As if you had spent ten years together.
Or even if you have a number of children together.
Even though your love might feel just as strong.
The consequences and the considerations due are not the same.
If they are unwilling or unable to come to an agreement.
On the length of time required.
Try suggesting two to three weeks.
And after that time you should get in contact.
But consider preparing for the worst.
For I would not hold out much hope for the best.
How can you convince them to come back?
But what you really should be thinking.
Is prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
By this I mean that you should consider the very distinct possibility.
That the break up will be final.
Truly consider and accept that it is over.
And get over it because either way you will win in the end.
If you get over the break up while My ex needs space.
You will have done your time in mourning already.
And if they decide they wish to continue in a relationship.
You win in getting them back again.
During this space and time continuum
The thing is either way you have many things to do.
While My ex needs space.
You should work on yourself during this time.
Like I said act like it is over.
What should you do during this period?
Work on your self esteem build yourself up.
Consider your part or role in contributing to the break up.
If you both are to continue in a relationship those issues need to be tackled.
Use this breathing space to get an objective view of the problems.
Mistakes and problems in a relationship are an opportunity.
An opportunity to grow and develop as a person and for your ex partner.
To learn nothing from them is a missed opportunity.
That you may end up dealing with again in this or your next relationship.
Do not just build up your hopes that the phone will ring and everything will be rosy.
Try get to to a place in your mind where you would be comfortable being single.
Understand that though it might feel like the end of your world.
It is not the end of the world.
Just a speed bump on the road of your adventure.
My ex needs space what do I do …access your support network
Access your support network of friends and family.
Talk it over with them if you need to.
Get the help and loving support only they can provide to you at this time.
Get it off your chest and out in the open.
It can be difficult not knowing and talking about it can help to see things clearly.
My ex needs space : get out !
You should also head out, socialize have some fun.
There is no reason why you shouldn’t.
Or reason why you can not go out and enjoy yourself by yourself.
Just because your relationship is in limbo does not mean you can’t dance the limbo.
Act like you are not a broken person straight out of a break up.
Hold your head up high walk tall.
Know that if they decide to call it a day on the relationship.
You will find someone else to love and who will love you.
But for now you need to bolster your courage and your spirits.
My ex needs space : you can hit the gym
Work out a bit to make the ex regret, it you won’t.
If they take the decision that it is final and over for good.
You will be looking good, better than before they asked for space.
While you walk away making them take a second look.
And even second guess their choice.
It will also help you to deal with the problems that come with waiting for a decision.
You can’t sit by the phone hoping for it to ring.
It will destroy your nerves if you do.
By the time My ex needs space and gets it.
And decides they have got their decision straight in their mind.
You will have gone out of your mind waiting by the phone.
And you will look like a psychotic disaster.
And then they may second guess their decision.
If it was to go in your favor.
So the best option is to act like it is over.
Why does my ex needs space?
The need for space can occur at any time.
In any condition of relationship.
It can make for more meaningful time together on reunion.
Negotiating for time together can be tricky business.
As for My ex needs space and getting time apart.
It can trigger a whole host of negative feelings.
Like rejection, insecurity, jealousy, mistrust, and resentment.
But especially after a break up.
It is considered best practice to allow time for tempers and emotions to cool.
When those type of negative feelings and emotions would be at their maximum.
A troubled past or difficult relationship.
And a particularly bad break up can prompt the need for space.
And time to quietly and solemnly make considered important life decisions.
This can lead a partner or spouse to request space.
And therefore they may see that they can no longer be around on a daily basis.
It can also result in them taking some time before they come to a final decision.
If you have been making each other miserable for months or even years.
If the reasons you broke up were due to serious issues like infidelity, or if you were disrespectful.
Your ex will probably need it to get some distance from the issues.
And from each other, to think clearly.
Distance can be useful in this respect,
and it is not necessarily a negative or a bad thing.
It will ensure that they avoid brash and overly hasty decisions or actions.
Meaningful time alone, it turns out, is a powerful need.
And a necessary tonic in today’s rapid fire high tech world.
Like good communications it is an essential component in a stable and loving relationship.
Indeed, solitude actually allows us to connect to others in a far richer way.
And « time out » has been heralded as a coping strategy, as an emotional breather.
So any denial of a request for space can backfire in any situation.
So when you hear my ex needs space give it to them gladly.
It will increase the chances that it will indeed bring them back to you.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com