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My ex is jealous : What does it mean ?


My ex is jealous : jealousy isn’t only brought about by feelings associated with being in love.

It is often the person’s ego or pride, that causes it.

My ex is jealous doesn’t necessarily mean they are still in love with you.

But seeing you with another person is what sets them off.

Creates a shock, and it makes them come back around.

 

Jealousy is such a painful emotion.

So much so that most of us hate to admit that we even feel it.

To be romantically jealous.

Is to recognize that your partner might feel an attraction to someone else.

That he or she might act on that feeling, and that you might be powerless to stop it.

This can trigger a cocktail of  hot emotions.

So noxious like rage, insecurity, self doubt and embarrassment.

That many people prefer to deny its existence.

For them anyway.

 

One reason it is so hard to admit to feeling jealousy.

Is that it could indicate a power imbalance in a relationship.

It can also show insecurity on the part of the one feeling the jealousy.

 

For most of us, even if jealousy produces tremendous pain and distress.

It remains an inner experience that does not cross the boundary into action.

But anyone who has experienced intense jealousy will be aware of it.

Well aware of its power and potential for destructiveness.

As well as it’s ability to make apparently normal people act bat shit crazy.

And be the subject of some thrilling movies.

 

Jealousy defined

Jealousy is a reaction to a perceived threat real or imagined.

To a valued relationship or to its quality.

So that is the definition of jealousy.

A nationwide survey of marriage counselors has indicated.

That jealousy is a problem in one third of all couples coming for marital therapy.

And it is not just confined to married couples or dating couples.

It can occur in recently single people too.

In fact there may be no section of the dating population that is not included.

Or subjected to the occasional bout of jealousy.

 

The wild old wives tales

This may go some way to explain our fascination with stories.

About the wild things some people are driven to do in the throws of a fit of jealousy.

One middle aged wife whose husband left her for a younger woman.

Resorted to kidnapping her rival at gunpoint, shaving her head, stripping her naked.

And covering her with tar and feathers, and releasing her at the city dump.

 

The story was repeated over and over again with great delight.

By women who identified with the revenge of the deposed wife.

Perhaps it is because we are all subject to jealousy in some form or another.

And that is why we love to hear  tall wild tails of totally unhinged people.

In order to tell ourselves as we experience it.

That we are in fact not that bad, well not as bad as that anyway.

Is jealousy a form of madness, then?

 

Jealousy equals temporary insanity ?

Jealousy lies somewhere in the gray area between sanity and madness.

Some jealous reactions are so natural that a person who doesn’t show them.

May seem in some way « not normal. »

Others seem so excessive that one doesn’t need to be an expert.

To know that they are acting in a pathological manner.

 

A classic example is the man who is suspicious of his loving and faithful wife.

That he constantly spies on her, listens in on her phone conversations.

Even goes as far as to record the mileage in her car for unexplained trips.

And despite her repeatedly proven fidelity.

He continues to suspect her and suffer from tremendous jealousy.

 

I suppose this unreasonability associated with jealousy.

Will  go somewhat to explain its occurrence in recently single individuals.

People who in reality should not suffer from it yet do.

It may be delusional and not normal.

To be subject to the effects when there is no threat to a relationship.

When in fact there is no relationship.

This could go some way to explain why “my ex is jealous”

 

It is important to differentiate « normal » from « delusional » jealousy.

Normal jealousy has its basis in a real threat to the relationship.

Delusional jealousy persists despite the absence of any real or even probable threat.

And if you say my ex is jealous perhaps they are being delusional.

As there is no real or perceived threat when there is no relationship in fact.

But that may not be the whole truth from the ex’s perspective or in their mind.

 

A universal human emotion

Because while jealousy can be dangerous in its extreme forms, the feeling is completely normal.

It is a universal human emotion.

One of many that is part of the multilayered experience of love.

What’s more, it can actually be a catalyst to improving relationships though not in this case.

If we could just learn to listen to it, we could improve our romantic and sexual lives.

 

The good news is this.

By recognizing the signs of romantic jealousy.

And by realizing what feelings are normal and abnormal.

And by examining the roots of our jealous feelings.

We can effectively learn to cope with it by changing our behavior.

 

Believe it or not, like other difficult emotional experiences.

Jealousy can be a trigger for growth, increased self-awareness.

And greater understanding of both your partner and your relationship.

 

However outside the bounds of a relationship it is driven by the ego and possessiveness.

The implied threat is to what we once considered “ours”.

My boyfriend or girlfriend is a term that denotes an element of ownership.

Or boundary that can survive a breakup.

At least in theory that is the idea.

When it comes into practice for example seeing the ex partner in the grips of another.

That feeling of implied ownership is tested.

And many will give way to the real or imagined threat to a relationship.

That you forget does no longer apply to you as a couple.

 

My ex is jealous : it means I am powerful

It can feel powerful to evoke jealousy in an ex.

It can show there is still some amount of strong feelings for the ex partner.

As some will suggest that it is in fact like the dark shadow of love.

An aspect or facet of a good emotion that can go dark as in the popular wild stories.

 

My ex is jealous : from their perspective

It can be about the feeling of having one’s nose rubbed in it.

Or getting one over on them in competitive terms.

No one wants to feel like they are being replaced either.

Or even that they can be easily replaced.

That can cause hurtful feelings on a number of different levels.

 

It can be the loss of a partner and of face with that rejection.

And then there is the loss of pride and the humiliation of being replaced.

For men, break ups mess with their sense of fear and ego.

It is a very humiliating and helpless feeling that can cause “my ex to be jealous”.

 

It’s easy to see how jealousy can sprout from a fear of being replaced.

Especially if your ex thinks that they are better than your current partner.

Jealousy can be a natural response to that sense of shame.

And so it is not that uncommon for an ex-lover.

To be jealous when they actually see you with a new partner.

Reacting  in a jealous manner can be because their pride is damaged.

This is not a definitive reflection of their feelings towards you.

It is more likely a representation of how they are feeling about themselves.

 

Some people feel the need to control everything.

And are not happy if they lose that control.

And this can also contribute to “my ex is jealous”.

Maybe she or he still feels that you are “hers” or “his” and it’s not malicious.

It is merely a subconscious force of habit.

Seeing the man you love with some other girl or the girl of your dreams with some new guy.

Can provoke very strong emotions.

Especially if they have not processed the breakup properly and completely.

Even some can display jealous tendencies months or years after the breakup.

 

Therefore, if your ex is still hanging around and displaying a strong sense of jealousy.

It may be because they feel themselves losing the power they once enjoyed.

 

It could be about wanting what they can not have

Something else to consider is  that often we, as human beings, just want what we can’t have.

You have broken up.

You are off limits, out of reach.

But they remember when you weren’t.

And it may not have been all that long ago.

Which can make the feelings even more intense.

 

Even if the relationship was a terrible disaster.

And you know you really, really shouldn’t get back together.

The idea can be very tempting.

And this can prompt the jealous feelings in your ex.

 

The biggest way to tell if your ex really still has feelings for you.

Is to determine if they are acting out of jealousy or envy.

Jealousy is a feeling just like sadness or anger.

And in a way, envy is, too.

But there is one really big difference between jealousy and envy.

That difference is exactly what you need to determine.

 

Where jealousy comes from a place of fear of loss and of being replaced.

And so envy is a two-person situation whereas jealousy is a three-person situation.

Envy is a reaction to lacking something.

Jealousy is a reaction to the threat of losing something, usually someone.

Envy comes from a place of coveting .

You covet something that someone else owns.

Envy occurs when we lack a desired attribute enjoyed by another.

And it falls into the ‘longing’ range of emotions.

Meaning that if your ex is envious of your new partner or even just the thought of a new partner.

Then chances are that they probably does still have feelings for you.

 

My ex is jealous so it means he still loves me

“My ex is jealous so he is still in love with me” is another thing that people often say a lot.

But, this is not strictly true.

In fact, assuming this might be one of the bigger mistakes people make.

When interpreting the actions of their jealous ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend.

I’m not saying your ex doesn’t love you anymore.

But in reality, your ex girlfriend’s jealousy or ex boyfriend’s jealousy.

Just is not enough to clearly signify that they are still in love with you.

Be mindful of this it is an easy trap to fall into.

Dig a little deeper beneath the superficial explanations.

Because this kind of reasoning can lead to making some serious errors in love.

 

My ex is jealous from open break up wounds

There may be no other explanation for your ex’s jealousy.

Other than that the wounds of the break up are still raw.

This does not necessarily mean that they want to get back together with you.

And it may not even mean that they regret their decision to end the relationship.

If indeed it was their decision to break up.

 

It may just mean that they still have residual feelings.

Which will decline over time but that are not yet resolved.

If your ex was truly and entirely over you.

They would not care who you were seeing or what you were doing.

Even if your ex says that they hate you.

It may be contrary but it is still a sign that they care.

Indifference would be the true indicator that your ex is over you completely.

 

See that it is a positive thing but remain cautious.

You also do not want to do things specifically with the thought of provoking jealousy.

You do not want to end up like an urban legend about my ex is jealous.

A wild tale of an Ex gone crazy with jealousy do you?

 

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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