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My ex has moved on but I still love him : what can I do?
What can I do when my ex has moved on but I still love him? He is happy and has started seeing someone new, leaving me behind, miserable and alone. He doesn’t even think about me anymore, but he is on my mind almost constantly. I can’t forget about him, the time we spent together and the love we had for one another, but there’s nothing I can do. If he has started seeing someone new then it’s obviously over, but how do I get over him when my ex has moved on but I still love him?
Before you do anything there are some things you need to consider, questions you need to ask yourself and be as brutally honest and objective as possible in your answers. Some of these questions may explain why you’re finding it so difficult to move on, and if you’re very honest some may show you that you don’t really still love your ex.
My ex has moved on but I still love him : How long?
How long ago did you break up?
If the breakup was mere days, weeks or a month or two ago, then “I still love my ex” is nothing to worry about. He’s moving on a lot faster than you are and that hurts, but your turn will come. You spent a long time with this person and it’s only natural that you still love him; it will pass with time and distance. On the other hand, if the breakup happened many months or even years ago, then it’s likely that you’re not as in love with your ex as you think you are. You are probably mistaking feelings of loneliness or dissatisfaction in other relationships as love for your ex. If you don’t think this is the case for you, you think you genuinely still love your ex and you’re not just lonely, then you may be suffering from an emotional dependence on your ex. In this case, I suggest you consult a professional counselor for advice.
How long were you together?
If you and your ex were only together for a short amount of time, it’s going to be much easier for your love for him to fade and for you to move on. If you were together for a long time, for more than a year, then it’s going to be more difficult. You and your ex relied on each other for a lot of things and for a long time. You spent a lot of time together and experienced many milestones together, so it’s only natural that it’s taking a long time for this love to fade. You’ll probably always care about him in one way or another.
My ex has moved on, but I still love him. What should I start with ?
Am I sure I still love him?
Before you do anything, be absolutely certain that you still love him. Are you positive that you’re not thinking you still love him because you’re feeling lonely and dissatisfied with your own life, or jealous because he’s moving on faster than you? You must be certain that what you’re feeling is love, and not just hurt or disappointment over the breakup or jealousy because he’s seeing someone else.
My ex has moved on but I still love him, why ?
Consider the reasons why you still love him. Is it the way he made you feel, a dependence on the things he did for you, were you genuinely happy when you were together…? How did the relationship end? Did you break up with him or did he break up with you? If you broke up with him, you may still love him because you realize you made a mistake and now you think it’s too late to fix it. If he broke up with you, then maybe you weren’t ready for the relationship to end. Perhaps you feel like the two of you have unfinished business together, like a ghost coming back to haunt you. It’s important that you identify the reasons why you feel like you still love him.
Am I absolutely in love with him?
There is a difference between “my ex has moved on but I still love him” and “I’m still in love with him despite he is over me”. Consider your feelings and determine whether you simply love your ex or if you’re actually in love with him. Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish between the two, but if you knew it was the right decision to end the relationship and agreed with the breakup or at least agreed that there were insurmountable problems in your relationship then you probably just love your ex. « I still love him » may be because you have children together, or because he helped you through a particularly difficult time in your life. This is completely understandable, and it’s likely that part of you will always love him for this.
There are only three possible solutions for what you can do now if you’re still in love with your ex: you can decide to put it behind you and move on, attempt to get him back, or you can seek closure from him.
My ex has moved on but I still love him, should I do the same ?
If you make the decision to move on with your life and allow your ex to be happy with his new lover, then there are some things that you can do to help you with this process.
If you want to move on with your life then you need to forget about your ex as much as possible, and you can’t do this if you see and speak to him every day. You need to take some time and put some distance between you and your ex. Being away from your ex may make you miss him even more, but if you’re going to move on with your life then you need to break the attachment that you have to him, and that means time and space. You’ll find that once you’ve had some time away from your ex to catch your breath, you’ll feel a lot freer and more able to get on with your life.
Focus on other things
Your ex is no longer the center of your life so don’t act like he is. Do things to distract yourself and focus your attention on yourself. Take up a new sport or hobby that will fill your time and tire you out mentally and physically so that you have no time to think about your ex. Don’t go home night after night to an empty house. Stay out as late as you can, trying new things and spending time with your friends and family; focus on yourself and the other people you love rather than your ex.
See other people
As difficult as it sounds, part of moving on means starting to see other people, even if you don’t feel entirely ready. Go out to a bar and attempt to flirt with someone, or get online and create yourself a profile on a dating website. You might not be ready to fall in love again just yet and that’s okay, but seeing other people will help to build your confidence and show you that you and your ex splitting up is not the end of the world. Your ex has moved on and you should too, but you’re never going to manage this if you don’t make an effort to put yourself back out there and see what’s on the market.
My ex has moved on but I still love him and I want to get him back
If you make the decision to try to get him back, you need to be aware that you could be doing more harm than good, to him and to yourself, but if you are determined in your resolve to attempt to get your ex back, you should follow the GMEB method. Be aware that your chances may be diminished by the fact that your ex has already moved on and is seeing someone else.
The GMEB method
Follow the GMEB method to win him back. You can find this in more detail in other articles on the main page, but the first thing that you should do is cut off contact with your ex, or if it’s the case that you haven’t spoken since the breakup and that was already a couple of weeks ago, you should call your ex and ask him to meet with you. Meet up with him casually; it is not a date, just a meeting of two old acquaintances. Don’t talk about your breakup, your relationship or his new relationship. Keep the conversation light so that you can re-establish regular contact and convince him to meet up with you casually on a regular basis.
How do I get him back when my ex has moved on but I still love him and although he’s seeing someone else?
The fact that he is seeing someone else doesn’t mean that you can’t get him back, in some cases it may even help you. This new, shiny relationship of his is still in its early stages. Your ex does not yet know her flaws or irritating habits, and she doesn’t yet know his, whereas the two of you know everything there is to know about one another. Moreover, while you’re being very friendly and aloof about your casual meetings with your ex, his new girlfriend is going to be suspicious and jealous about them, which will only push your ex further away from her.
Patience is the key if your ex is already seeing someone else. Don’t be pushy. Let your ex’s new relationship run its course. If you and your ex are meant to be together then you’ll be together; you just have to wait patiently on the sidelines and be there for your ex until he realises this new relationship isn’t for him and that he wants you back.
It’s possible that my ex has moved on but I still love him because it ended suddenly, I didn’t really understand how or why, and now I can neither move forwards nor backwards. It’s possible that you feel like you still love your ex simply because you never got the closure you needed from the end of your relationship.
Talk to your ex
Call your ex. He may be reluctant to talk to you if the breakup was difficult or a long time ago or he has moved on, but remain calm, tell him you just want to talk to him, and casually ask him to meet you for a cup of coffee. Tell him that you’re struggling to move on, and in order to do so, you’d just like to discuss your relationship, where the two of you went wrong and how it all fell apart.
You may be struggling to move on because you feel guilty about anything that you did to hurt your ex or which led to the end of the relationship, so now you have a chance to discuss that with your ex and apologise for anything you did wrong. Tell him that you just wanted to say you’re sorry and apologise for how the relationship ended. The two of you were great when you were together and you regret that such a loving relationship could end with so much hurt. Thank him for all the good times that the two of you shared and for being there for you when you needed him while you were together.
Close the door on your relationship
After this discussion with your ex you will feel a thousand times lighter, even if “my ex has moved on but I still love him” is something you still feel in your head and your heart. At least now you know where you went wrong, that it was not entirely your fault, you’ve been able to apologise to your ex for your mistakes and thank him for his love and support while you were together. You may still love him for a little while longer, but now you know it is truly over, you know why, and you know that he is happy and moving on with his life without you. Now that you’ve gotten the closure that you so desperately needed, you can finally end this chapter of your life; close the door on this old relationship and move on to newer, bigger and better things.Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com