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My ex has changed : How to react to that
« Since the break up, my ex has changed. »
But after a break up things change.
And so do people.
Things rarely stay the same in that situation.
Doubtless after a break up you will change.
My ex has changed and so they will.
It should come as no big surprise.
That you say my ex has changed.
It would be more surprising to say they have not at all.
Breaking up can have a devastating effect on people.
Their partnership has dissolved into the sunset.
And not in a nice way.
There will be the feeling of loneliness isolation and a great amount of sadness.
Sadness that may take some time to get over.
There will be the void left by the absence of their presence.
And nothing but time will heal that rift.
Or so you think.
Get your head out of your hole…
in the sand.
There are so many options open to you now.
More than when you were in a relationship.
You just need to open your eyes to them.
And open your mind to those possibilities.
The split inevitably changes people.
Not usually for the better at least not initially.
In time we can grow to accept the situation.
The circumstances even the reasons for the break up.
Perhaps our perception of that relationship might alter.
We might change what we look for in a partner in light of those revelations.
Really after a break up everything is open to change.
And everything is likely to change.
Change utterly a terrible beauty is born.
It will be the same for you as it will be for your ex.
My ex has changed should come as no big surprise.
Did you expect them to remain the same as they were before ?
Time changes everything
People can and do change incrementally over time though.
It is a reflection of our actions and the circumstances that happen in our lives.
They happen so slowly that, often, we don’t even realize that.
They have happened at all until we look at an old photo.
Or we run into someone from the past that sees it.
It can be for the better of for the worse.
Changes due to age are normal and have to be accepted with grace.
There is nothing we can do about that.
Changes after a break up can go any number of ways.
For each of the partners.
And like getting over the break up we have to be accepting of the fact.
Whatever the changes that occur we have to rise to the occasion.
We have to get to that place where we are OK with it.
Find the serenity to accept the things we cannot change.
Courage to change the things we can.
And wisdom to know the difference.
Acting like it is OK, is OK.
Psychological studies have shown that acting like you are OK.
Doing things like smiling or staying calm.
Can actually help you feel better.
Tell yourself you will be fine and you will be fine.
No matter what or how you feel right now.
And no matter whether you actually believe it or not.
You must tell yourself that you are OK.
That you are going to get through this.
No doubt you will have broken up before.
So you know the routine and that it is not the end of the world.
Though it might feel like the end of your world.
The fact that my ex has changed their hair.
What does it mean to you do you really care ?
You can do it like a mantra in your head.
Keep repeating I’m OK, I’m OK, I’m OK, I’m OK.
It will get to the point that it will not sound like english anymore.
But at least you will be distracted from thinking about how bad you feel.
Fake it until you make it so.
Stay Calm. Breathe.
When we are in anxiety-producing situations.
Our bodies have the tendency to tense up.
This can cause you to hold your breath.
Which makes you feel even more tense and emotional, and so on.
Even though it may seem like you are going to lose control if you breathe.
Let it happen.
Focus on the feeling of breath coming in and out of your nose.
Taking deep breaths and counting them.
Keep them deep and even.
This can help you stay calm and in control.
This will help keep your feelings from spiraling out of control.
It is a very useful mindfulness technique.
Make sure you just keep breathing you know it is the right thing to do.
This technique can help in a variety of situations.
My ex has changed their relationship status!
Ok so in this day and age it is difficult to disconnect fully.
But in the aftermath of a break up you are likely to feel more isolated.
You are likely to isolate yourself a little more than usual.
This is normal but you can not spend every waking hour staring into a screen.
Watching feeds from your ex and their circle of friends.
And yours if they are mutual ones.
This is not going to be healthy.
Besides the reason that my ex has changed their relationship status should be obvious.
Or did you not realise that before checking in on them.
The whole social media scene is not your best friend at this moment in time.
In fact studies show it actually increases negative feelings of jealousy and resentment.
And that is for couples in a relationship so it is not going to be very kind to you.
So what if my ex has changed their hair it is not news worthy feed.
In fact the internet as a whole is not a great past time for you after a break up.
It is deceptive with so many posts of overt positivity.
How can the real world seem so screwed up?
My ex has changed : so must you.
If you are obsessing over how much my ex has changed.
You have your priorities all wrong.
You need to become a little more self obsessed.
Rather than looking to someone else who is not going to make you happy.
Well rather they have decidedly made you quite unhappy.
So why do you persist in persecuting yourself.
If your ex has changed so must you.
This should be your first port of call.
Change your mind change and those cyber stalking habits.
Or a least limit the time spent on it.
Choose another mantra and another topic to focus on.
Shift focus from how my ex has changed
If you continue to focus on how my ex has changed.
You can lose so much time and energy to it.
Something you will never get back.
This will become something you may regret in the future.
Possibly even more than the broken relationship.
If you are focusing so much on the fact.
Of how much my ex has changed you have to realise.
There can be only so much a person can change.
They may change their hair and their clothes.
But who they really are will never really change all that much.
And that was probably part of the reasons you split up.
And if you broke up there are very definite reasons why that happened.
Remember all those reasons if you are struggling.
If you are seeing all the things my ex has changed.
Think about the things that unlikely to change.
They are probably the worst aspects of why you broke up.
Things like personality traits attitude the way they treated you.
If you are seeing the obvious changes.
You have got to think that the things that are not so obvious.
Are probably not changing at all.
So why are you bothered ?
My ex has changed : how they react to me
After a break up there can be many reactions to it from different people.
Some break ups are so savage there is no possibility of remaining friends.
So some become almost enemies.
This can be for a number of reasons.
The pain and hurt caused has made them resentful.
And they may wish to share that with others.
Nasty but true a lot of people have experienced this.
Bad side of the ones they once loved.
When this is the case the best thing to do is to avoid at all costs.
They are not going to come around.
And realise they are not only hurting you but themselves.
My ex has changed : now they are toxic, avoid.
That means purging everything.
From phone numbers social media status email addresses everything.
There is no reason to open yourself to this type of behaviour and it is not worth it.
It could be that they still have some strong feelings for you.
But if that is how they deal with it move on seriously.
It can be the same kind of thing when they start acting up in front of you.
Acting out being a jerk, nasty messages typical good ex gone bad behaviour.
Say goodbye to that.
It can mean that they have not gotten over you.
And that they are just acting immature about it.
For better not worse
Then there is the other side of the coin.
When they seem to change for the better.
It can be the same old routine of new clobber new style.
And a new outlook on their postings.
Are we still watching that ?
Well either way it is a normal thing to do in light of a break up.
The need for change can help to get over the heartache and pain.
It can be that it is to attract your attention.
And that could mean they want to make you jealous.
Or want to get back together or just to lift their spirits.
I mean we all have been there done that.
But how you react to it is up to you, and how you feel about them.
If you like the look and the break up was amicable enough for you to be on speaking terms.
You could give them a thumbs up or the middle finger depending on how you feel.
No seriously regardless if you are not interested or by the sounds of things you kind of are.
No reaction is usually the best thing.
You are not their biggest supporter anymore.
So you don’t give credit even where it is due.
You need to act like you are not bothered at all.
I mean even if they look really well.
You don’t want to tell them that or compliment them.
They could be just looking for a reaction.
They may gloat and say something like “I Know” or “Don’t I just”.
New date ? So what
By the same token if they are dating someone new.
And trying to rub it or their new partner in your face.
Don’t rise to the occasion.
By being and acting like the bigger person.
It is something you will never have to regret.
Whereas reacting in a bad way will.
A good practiced poker face comes in handy very often not only in card games.
Think about all the negative aspects.
That the new partner has probably yet to discover and laugh.
The fool if they only knew…
If you are across a bar or at a party.
And they are with their new partner.
You could notice how much they may play up their loved up scenes.
Or you could turn your back on them.
It is not something you want to be seen watching do you really?
Remember that rebound relationships usually are short lived.
And mean little pity the new partner.
This could be nothing more than an attempt to make you jealous.
Which is really a double edged sword.
Showing in fact that they may not be really over you.
And may still harbor feelings for you.
Take it with a pinch of salt and have some fun.
Without thinking about it or them too much.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com