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My ex got married but still contacts me : What does it mean ?
My ex got married but still contacts me, what does it mean ?
There are many reasons for this some simple some complicated.
An easy explanation for why my ex got married but still contacts me.
Is because they want to.
That may be an obvious truth
But the real reasons why behind that are still vague.
There can be many reasons but there are always two sides to the story.
And the number one in importance is yours.
It does not really matter why My ex got married but still contacts me.
If you know they are married why are you still in contact with them ?
I mean you do not have to accept the calls the emails or the texts.
There are ways to never see those communications from them ever again.
A blocked phone number will mean you wont receive calls from that number.
The same with texts from that number.
A spam filter will mean you will never see an email from that address again.
Unless you go rooting around in the trash.
So there is another of those simple truths here also.
That you are accepting their communications.
Why is that ?
This brings up other questions like do you still have feelings for them?
Do you still hold out hope to get back together with them at some point in the future.
Even though you know they are married.
Perhaps you think you can be friends ?
Holding on hope for friendship with an ex is rocky territory especially if they are married.
I mean if you remained friends even after you broke up.
Then maybe it will seem less of a questionable thing.
If not it raises big nasty questions.
About why you should engage in this kind communications now.
What are the communications like?
Are they innocuous shooting the breeze type of thing?
The type of thing that most of us would consider small talk ?
Or do they use the same language and say the same kind of things ?
That they said in the failed relationship you both had ?
If that is the case are you too busy reading between the lines.
To see what is really being said ?
Or are you enjoying the attention?
You have to be brutally honest with yourself first.
In asking what does it mean when my ex got married but still contacts me?
Do you want it to mean something ?
Do you want it to mean some thing else other than what it is ?
Do you want this ?
Do you want this type of communication ?
Or do you want more than that ?
If in answering these questions for yourself and you find that you want more.
You have to realize a few home truths.
One you had a romance which failed for what ever reasons.
Do you really think in all honesty it would work out for you both a second time ?
And second they are married.
Are you looking to be the other person in that relationship ?
Do you really think that is a solid foundation for a second chance relationship to start on ?
My ex got married but still contacts me what does it mean to you?
The biggest question here is what does this contact and communication mean to you ?
If you find it means hope.
It is slim hope and it will mean any real ideas of moving on are in fact hopeless.
If you continue to accept this contact.
And that in the end of the day is your decision and your choice.
When you make that decision.
You have to be able to live with it or else get on without that contact.
My ex got married but still contacts me a speculation
On the other side of the story is why my ex got married but still contacts me.
This will be more speculative as you are trying to figure out their motivations.
You will have the type, tone and the content of those communications to consider.
When you consider this it should clue you in a little better to their motivations.
Like for example if it is mainly calls late at night they maybe be drunk dialing you.
When the have enough dutch courage to make those calls and they may be out with their friends.
This is not a great thing because they could be thinking there is an opportunity.
The tone will tell you a lot about the mindset behind the words.
Like if the contact is by email during work hours.
And if the tone is using all the same references they used to when you were together.
They may be never got over the break up of the relationship.
Even though they are still married.
The content can speak volumes if it is just small talk it is one thing.
If however it is to moan about how the marriage is a disaster that is quite another.
This could be the preamble of an affair.
Setting out the grounds for a little extra marital comforting.
So understanding the content of the communications will tell you a lot.
About what you want to know.
My ex got married but still contacts me as we are good friends
If they feel like they can still talk to you as a friend.
It may be a reason why My ex got married but still contacts me.
They may feel that the end of your relationship.
Shouldn’t mean that they cant still talk to you as such.
They could still value your opinion on matters.
If that is what they are contacting you with.
Asking you to offer advice on various things.
Can mean they see you as someone who they can trust and be open with.
This should really be their spouse but perhaps that may be in question.
If they are asking your opinion on marital matters it can be awkward for you.
But it still means that they feel you are a good sounding board.
And they still value your input on the matters at hand.
If the contacts are not relationship matters but general.
Like you favorite show, sport or interests you may have in common.
This could be that they see you as a friend and someone who may have similar interests to them.
Something that their partner or spouse may not share.
So it could be just an innocent sharing of those interests.
My ex got married but still contacts me about my favorite teams current placement in the finals.
May mean little to one who has no interest in it.
So perhaps they share it with you who they know will be interested.
It could be as simple as that.
The one that got away
If however the tone of the contact is more contrite and apologetic.
About their failings in the failed relationship.
They may be feeling nostalgic for that time you shared together.
If they reminisce about the times you spent on holidays and the things you used to do together.
They may be feeling that you are the one that got away.
This can feel nice for you both but it is a slippery slope when they are married.
How would you feel if you were married and you found out your partner was contacting an ex.
It would feel like a betrayal.
And that is how it sounds if this is the case.
If they are contacting you in this manner it will do you both no good.
They are in a committed relationship even if you are not.
It can stall you from moving on while they look back at you.
It is probably best if you make it clear what the situation is.
On the hook
If at the end of the relationship you both had there was an extended period where it lingered.
In an on again off again grey area where you hooked up.
This can motivate some people to try maintain contact for that reason.
It is not a good thing for either of you.
It is better for them as they moved on to get married at some point.
But the temptation to keep you on the hook is too great to let go.
This has self centered motivations written all over it.
You will never really get over the failed relationship.
And move on while this type of contact continues.
You will have to realize that your ex does not have your best interests at heart.
They are motivated by self interests and in fact you should shun all contact with this person.
I need options
This is like the previous reason.
As in my ex got married but still contacts me to keep their options open.
They may feel like the marriage may work or it may not.
But they still want to have a back up plan to fall back on if the marriage fails.
This once again is not being fair on you or their spouse.
They have in reality not fully committing themselves to the marriage.
And in truth as a back up plan they will never be truly committed to you either.
You are being played as a second fiddle.
Even though in reality they may not be cheating on their spouse.
The thoughts are there, prepared for every eventuality.
And you are someone who they see fits that frame.
This type of contact is not personal to you though it may seem so.
There could be a number of others in this position alongside you.
This the last thing you need.
And if you have feelings that make you want to keep contact with this person.
You are in fact working against yourself.
Realize the truth that you could be being used.
Hard as it may be you need to do what is best for you.
And that may be to have nothing more to do with this person.
It might be a hard decision to take for you.
But do what you may know in your heart is the right thing to do.
Deny all contact and refuse to be drawn into being just an option.
You deserve better and you know it.
This is just not an option you need at all.
I am not over you
They may not have the guts to say it out straight.
But this contact might be saying I am not over you.
My ex got married but still contacts me with an unwritten or unspoken message.
That says regardless of their marital status they may still have deep feelings for you.
Perhaps after the relationship with you broke up.
They got into a rebound relationship that went too far.
And committed too quickly and ended up in a marriage of convenience.
This is not a great situation for either of you.
You could be made out to be or worse still found out to be grounds for divorce.
Regardless if both of you feel the same way it is not a good start to a loving relationship.
And to break up a marriage is I’m sure not the thing you would want to do, would you ?
It is really not a situation you should want to be put in.
To be the reason or the cause for a divorce.
It was a decision they made that you had nothing to do with.
The fact is they got married in the first place.
So you should have nothing to do with its end.
And in reality you should not be asked to get involved now.
If it was a mistake on their part to get married in the first place.
Do you really want to get involved with someone who can make those kinds of mistakes?
Who is to say that one failed marriage after a failed romance.
Is going to lead to a successful relationship.
The odds don’t really stack up. Are you willing to take that gamble?
If you are to be brutally honest and reflect on the relationship you had.
Would you want that again ?
Are they really going to be better at it this time?
Is it worth being party to destroying a marriage for ?
Probably not right ?
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com