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Grandma’s 10 lessons to move on from your ex
When relationships finish everyone has good advice to give you.
Some good some bad and some amount of cliches.
Ahh you know what they say when you want to move on from your ex.
Mother knows best.
So what about Grandma knowing better
Grandma’s ten lessons to move on from your ex.
Breaking up is hard to do.
They can make you cry, sob and weep.
They can make you feel like you want to punch holes in things.
They can make you want to wallow in self-pity and self-doubt.
They can make you think you are something less than you are.
Like a whole person for instance with love to give and life to live.
They can change you and to some that is a scary thing.
There is nothing like it to keep you from the prospect of a happier future.
Than the sting of a relationship wound.
We have all been there, Experiencing good love gone bad is painful to say the least.
It doesn’t really matter what the circumstances were.
Who was right and who was wrong that kind of thinking is redundant and not helpful.
Or even who initiated the break up at this stage it is done and it has to be accepted.
The mere fact of having broken up and having to move on from your ex,
it can be devastating.
Just because you broke up does not mean that you do not still have feelings for your ex.
In fact, you may be having more feelings for them and about them if the truth be told.
All kinds of feelings such as regret, anger, hurt, and anxiety.
Along with the mixed up feelings of love that will no doubt resurface now and again.
Your ex may be gone, but your emotions towards them and the breakup are still there.
And they will be still there down the line if you don’t deal with them properly.
Ready to rear its ugly head and cause further suffering and pain.
You could even start a new relationship before you have really properly dealt with them.
That would not be in your or your new partners best interests.
No one wants to deal with someone else’s left over break up baggage.
In this scenario ignorance is not bliss believe me it is not.
1. Actually, it’s not about them
Well right now it is not.
You are single and you have broken up with your ex.
You know you need to move on from your ex but there still the lingering feelings that remain.
You can if you want to blame them for all that went wrong in the relationship.
They are not there to answer for themselves.
But that is in fact not the whole story.
For you and your life this would be a wasted opportunity.
Letting them take all the blame and be the scapegoat does nothing for you.
And that will come back to haunt you in later life and future relationships.
In order to make sure you have a better relationship in the future.
You need to do the deep soul searching and find out what went wrong for yourself.
Find and recognize the mistakes or thing you did wrong
and understand also what went right.
Otherwise you are no wiser to move on from your ex.
2. You lose in heart, but you gain in soul
This could be subtitled that which does not kill us only makes us stronger.
Sure the pain and suffering of the break up is no joy to experience.
But would you rather be without that whole experience altogether ?
I don’t think so.
It should be a lesson that you have learnt well from.
If you learnt nothing then you gained nothing.
And perhaps you need to think again about the relationship.
To find that nugget of wisdom for yourself.
3. The break up happened for a reason
Unless you were ghosted and you have been left without any ideas as to why they left you.
Or it was a case of infidelity which may still have something to tell you.
Then they more than likely gave reasons for the split.
What were they do you agree with them? Do they seem valid or reasonable ?
Were there fights that occurred regularly over the same or similar issues ?
4. Resentment is stupid
The bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly,
might be something that can apply to the ways some break ups happen.
Sure being ghosted or royally dumped by text or even publicly on some social media forum.
Yes that is a terrible way for it to end.
You may resent the time you spent together, I bet you did not at the time.
You could even resent the person themselves for what they made you feel during this time.
But that will not change the fact that your feelings are yours.
You can even resent the fact of the way it ended.
But resentment over those things is stupid plain and simple.
You are letting those decisions or actions by someone else put you down.
And it is you who are maintaining that feeling for yourself.
It is you who makes and continues to make yourself feel that way.
I think you would be better off thinking how lucky you are to be out of that relationship.
If that is how you wish to remember it.
Just like any one sided polarized view of the relationship is only ever half of the story.
Remember the bigger picture of it and be the bigger person because of it.
Rather than the resentful remainders of what was.
5. Don’t Fall in Love Too Easily
This is derived from don’t judge a book by its cover.
And don’t be fooled by appearances they can be deceiving.
It is why your Grandma would ask about your partner as a person and their personality.
Because she knew that beauty is only skin deep.
But the connections needed to make a deeper relationship work
come from a beautiful and caring personality.
Not just the facade of one.
The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them and you better be paying attention.
6. There is life outside love
Sure when you are in love and in a relationship it can be all consuming
and you can believe it is your whole world.
Have you ever noticed that when you put all of your focus on someone.
It seems to push them away?
That is because it can be suffocating and make someone feel trapped.
Sure it is recommended that couples do things together things outside of the bedroom .
And outside of the house if you get my drift.
But these bonding activities have to be balanced with personal individual activities too.
I mean what would you have to talk about if you did everything together.
It would get very tiresome very quickly.
The same reasoning applies as a single person and especially a recently single person.
There has to be some life outside of relationships.
And right now in order to move on from your ex that is more true than ever.
Sure there is the feeling of being alone after it is finished.
But it should never have been the be all and end all of you life.
I mean what would you say when you met someone new ?
Hi my name is so and so…
I haven’t been in a relationship for this amount of time. What about you ?
This might be the last thing you get to say or the last time they would see you.
7. Distractions are important
This follows on from the previous one.
To move on from your ex distractions are all important.
They can save you from obsessing about lost love and partners.
But they are also good for the mind.
They could be good friends and family.
Like your Grandma who always has good advice for you.
Friends and family are your support network in times of need and trouble.
They will also love you regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship.
Distractions can be studies you enjoy.
Things like playing an instrument and music can be very rewarding and beneficial hobbies.
They can increase your enjoyment and appreciation of music.
It can be social thing too playing with other musicians.
Another great and beneficial activity that can be a distraction is physical exercise.
Studies have shown that it can help sufferers of depression
and that is something akin to the feelings felt after a relationship ends.
It has not only the physical health benefits
but also mental mood enhancing aspects too.
It can be a social thing that you do with others it will make you feel better and look better.
So what is not to love about this distraction ?
8. Blaming is immature
Sure mistakes were made but laying blame does not solve anything.
It is a cover to hide the reasons or the deep soul searching needed to find out the causes.
Blaming can be a route for distancing yourself from those causes.
Putting them on someone else is not really dealing with your part in them.
Do you honestly think that they would accept
and agree with who you blame for what happened ?
Can you honestly say you had no part in the break up ?
If you know it takes two to tango were you both dancing individually on your own ?
Or do you want to believe that truly ignorance is bliss
because that is not the state you seem to be living in.
9. Forgiving is strength
Forgiveness is strength because carrying a grudge is sustaining the pain and suffering.
And that is beyond the point at which the pain was inflicted.
Are you a martyr or a masochist ?
Because that is all you are doing if you can not find it within yourself to forgive others.
You could go further into unnecessary suffering
and not forgive yourself for your mistakes and misgivings.
This would be a tortuous path to walk.
The healthier option is to find some means within yourself to grant forgiveness.
You will feel better for it.
It will mean you carry a smaller burden of pain around with you.
It will mean a brighter aspect to your outlook.
It leads to a more positive mental state.
Anything that can help to lessen the load on your mind at this stage is a benefit.
And forgiveness is surely something that will help in moving on.
10. Don’t go back to your ex
There are reasons that you are in this situation looking to move on from your ex.
Going back to them is not moving on from your ex it is going backwards.
Sure the thoughts will have crossed your mind as I am sure it has crossed theirs.
This is normal and a natural thing to consider in light of the break up.
It is totally normal to give the actions and decisions due care
and attention to make sure it is the right one.
And time will tell if it right for both of you.
But you must give it time.
Time heals all wounds as Grandma would say.
This applies to if you were to attempt to get your ex back too.
The thing is you can not attempt it now.
Immediately after the break up everything hurts.
Seeing them, talking to them, not being around them.
But in reality going back would only prolong the pain.
Recovery will be put off until you put some distance between the two of you.
And distance between the feelings that led to the relationship ending.
Give it time to heal and mend.
You both could be filled with all the negative feelings from the break up.
Making seeing each other as difficult as listening to each other right now.
It is called moving on from your ex for a reason you want to move on from your ex !Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com