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Is it normal to still love my ex : 5 questions to ask yourself


still love my exIs it normal to still love my ex ? It’s been days, weeks, months, maybe even years since the breakup and still your feelings for your ex haven’t gone away; in fact, they’re just as strong as ever.  You still think about them all the time, wonder what they’re doing or if they’re with someone new; you constantly ask yourself ‘what if…?’, and you have to ask, after all this time, is it normal to still love my ex ? There are a number of different factors you have to consider when you ask this question.  Each answer may vary depending on your own individual circumstances, but in this article you will find 5 general questions you should ask yourself if you’re worried about the fact that you still love your ex.

  1. Do I still love my ex?

Before asking yourself is it normal to still love my ex ?, you should be careful not to mistake other feelings for love.  You may still have strong feelings for your ex, but it might not be love, especially if a lot of time has passed since the breakup or the breakup was very harsh.  There are plenty of other feelings you might be misinterpreting as love for your ex.

Am I lonely?

Is it possible that what you are feeling is not love and that maybe you are just lonely and wanting somebody, no matter whom that person might be?  Being alone is a very real way to make you think about and miss your ex, and if you think about your ex a lot you may start to think you’re still in love with them.  Perhaps it has been a long time since you and your ex broke up, and immediately after the breakup you thought it was the right thing and that you would meet someone else in no time, but now it’s months or years later and you’re still alone.  It is very easy to confuse feelings of loneliness with love for your ex, but there are ways you can fix this.  If you think this may be your case, spend more time with your family and friends, spend as much time away from your home as possible, go on a few dates and maybe try internet dating.  Be certain that loneliness isn’t making you believe in your attachment and ask yourself « is it normal to still love my ex ? ».

Am I bored?

Maybe your case is the opposite.  Perhaps you have moved on and started a new relationship, but that relationship is not very fulfilling and you’re feeling bored with your new partner.  Feelings of boredom with this partner are making you reflect on your old relationship, making you think about your ex, compare your new partner to them and believe you’re still in love with them.  Being bored in your relationship doesn’t mean you’re in love with your ex, it means you’re not in love with your current partner, so you should put an end to that relationship.  It doesn’t mean you should get back together with your ex; it means you should leave your current partner behind and move on to someone new.

  1. I still love my ex after how much time?

There are a number of time factors you need to consider if you’re worried about the fact that you’re still in love with your ex.  These time factors can have a big influence on the way you’re feeling and whether or not those feelings are normal.

How long ago was the breakup?

Is it normal to still love my ex days or weeks after the breakup ? This is not unusual.  You spent a large portion of your life with this person and it will take a little while for these feelings to fade and for you to move on.  You can’t automatically switch off how you feel about someone; you need some time and space away from them for those feelings to disappear.  However, if the breakup happened several months or even years ago, it may be a little more problematic that you’re still in love with your ex.

How long did our relationship last?

For how long were you and your ex together?  If you and your ex had been a couple for a long time, it might be a little more difficult to let go of the feelings that you have for them.  You have experienced many things together and become very accustomed to their love and support over the years and it can be very difficult to let go of that, and the longer the relationship lasted, the harder it will be to let go of your love for your ex.

How did we break up?

The circumstances of the breakup may be another factor to consider.  As strange as it sounds, it may be better if there was a huge argument, or a lie or an infidelity, or if your ex broke up with you out of the blue and you were furious about it.  If something like this happened, it will be a lot easier for you to let go of your feelings.  Feelings of hurt or anger may seem worse at the time of the breakup, but at least you know that you could never forgive your ex, or that the relationship is really over, and because you feel this way, it’s much easier to leave the relationship in the past and move on.  If you and your ex decided that you really loved each other but it just wasn’t working, it may have been a lot more difficult to go your separate ways, and it will be a lot more difficult for you to let go of the love you feel for your ex.

  1. If I still love my ex, have I tried to move on?

normal to loveIs it normal to still love my ex ?  Immediately after the breakup, of course you’re going to still love your ex, which is why it is very important that you do everything you can to move on, otherwise you will end up in a position where you can’t move forward, but you can’t go back either.

Mourn the breakup

Have you allowed yourself to express all your rage and hurt or disappointment at the end of the relationship?  If you don’t allow yourself to express your emotions it’s going to be very hard to move on after the breakup, so let yourself cry or scream or break things; whatever you need to do to get over the breakup.

See other people

If you haven’t started seeing other people since the breakup, this is something that you need to do, even if you feel like you’re still in love with your ex.  Go out with new people, try internet dating or going to bars and clubs to meet people.  Moving on and leaving your relationship behind go hand in hand; you can’t leave your feelings in the past if you’re not trying to move forward, and part of moving forward means seeing other people.

  1. Are we close?

The feelings of love that you have for your ex may be a lot to do with your physical or emotional proximity.  It is hard to let go of our love for someone if they are constantly around, and it is difficult to look to the future when our past still greets us around every corner.

Do I still see my ex?

If you still see your ex regularly for a variety of reasons; for example, you decided to remain friends, you have mutual friends, your families are close, you work together or you have children; it can be very difficult to let go of your feelings.  If you can you should try to get some distance from your ex.  You don’t have to stop talking to them completely, but it would be beneficial for you to perhaps reduce the amount of contact you have with them so that you can attempt to move on and get used to seeing them as just a friend.

Do we have children?

“Is it normal to still love my ex ?”  This is the most normal thing in the world if you and your ex have children together.  For a time you were obviously very committed to one another and you cannot let go of that overnight.  If you and your ex have children together, you will always love them, because no matter what happened between the two of you or what your situation is now, without your ex you wouldn’t have your children, and there is no love in the world like the love a parent has for their child.

Did my ex help me through a difficult time?

Perhaps there was a death in your family while you and your ex were together, someone you were very close to and your ex was really there for you at the time.  Maybe you were very sick for a long time or went through something terrible.  If your ex helped and supported you through a very tough time in your life, your love for them now may stem from feelings of gratitude or emotional dependence.  It is okay to be thankful for your ex’s presence in your life, but if you suspect you might be emotionally dependent on your ex, you should consider reading articles on emotional dependence and perhaps consider seeing a counsellor to work through these feelings.

  1. Can I get my ex back?

Is it normal to still love my ex ? And is there any chance I could still get him/her back?  If you’re still in love with your ex and you don’t think you’re ever going to feel any differently, you might decide you want to attempt to win him/her back, but there are a number of questions you need to ask if this is the case.

How long ago was the breakup?

While the time of the breakup is relevant to the depth of your feelings, it is also relevant to the chances you might have of getting your ex back.  If the breakup happened weeks or a few months ago, you have a very good chance of getting your ex back.  If the relationship ended quite a long time ago, it’s likely that the chances of getting your ex back are severely diminished.

Has my ex moved on?

Your ex moving on doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s impossible to get them back.  It depends again on how long ago you broke up and how long he/she has been with their new partner.  If the breakup happened five years ago and your ex has since moved on, gotten married and had three kids, chances of getting them back are very small.  However, if your ex has only been with their new partner for a few weeks and your breakup happened two or three months ago then your chances of getting your ex back are still quite good.

Many of you will be asking now “Is it normal to still love my ex then how can I get him/her back?”  Visit the GMEB website to find articles on the methods you can use to get your ex back, or if your situation is a little more complicated than usual, consider speaking to one of our relationship coaches for what you can do to either win your ex back or move on.

Is it normal to still love my ex?

always love my ex

There is no easy answer to this question.  Every situation is different and there is no one-size-fits-all solution.  People are different and move on at different paces.  There are a number of situations in which it is very normal to still love your ex, even after a long time, such as when you have children together, or you’re still friends, or your ex helped you through a very difficult time in your life.  Even if none of these apply to you, it is still fairly normal to have some residual feelings for your ex; so while you may not be completely in love with your ex, you were with them for a long time and shared a big part of your life with them, so it’s only natural that you should still feel very strongly for them.  Your ex has been a big part of your life and they are therefore a big part of who you are today; you can’t give that up completely, but you should recognise it for what it is and attempt to move on.

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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