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I still love my ex wife : 5 pieces of advice to win her back


I still love my ex wife and would do anything to be with her again.

If you are going through divorce or have just been through one.

And looking for some answers to try get back together.

With all the confusion it is hard to be sure of anything.

Except that I still love my ex wife and want to win her back.

In short, 5 pieces of advice to win her back 

1 Time and patience

2 Persistence

3 Understanding

4 Change

5 Renewal

 

Sure, there are things you can do to try to get your ex back–like see a couples therapist.

Engage in a new hobby together, find faith, exercise, focus on career and so on.

And they might help at a time that is right for both of you.

But that time is not right now when I still love my ex wife.

If she initiated the proceedings then she definitely needs time and space to grieve.

And process the divorce.

And you need this time too.

You need this time to let that relationship go.

But the letting go part is all up to you and you alone.

YOU are the one deciding when you can accept it and move on.

No one else can do that for you.

And you do need to do this.

Even though it may sound like an ending finished for good.

It is in one way the relationship you had with your ex wife is over.

The papers have gone through.

It may sound harsh but in reality nothing can change this.

 

If you are divorced or even if you are in the process of legal separation.

You must face your current situation head on.

And not try to run from it or to make excuses.

The best way is for you to quickly move on.

And to eventually be in a position to inspire her to get back with you.

But first is to face the truth.

 

Time and patience

In time patience and a great deal of work you could win her back.

Only if she is willing and the problems that caused the divorce are laid to rest.

And shown not to be an issue for the future.

Those issues should not bar the starting of a new relationship.

And that is essentially what you will have to do.

To realize it will be a whole new relationship.

Albeit with someone you have history and maybe even kids.

But it is Not a returning to an old relationship, that one is finished.

Not accepting the fact that you are no longer together will only make you suffer even more.

This in turn will lead you to make more mistakes and that is not what you want right now.

 

Your ex wife needs space and time to get over your previous relationship together.

There were issues that led you both to this juncture.

No matter what you do or say right now.

 

I still love my ex wife and Understanding is key to the past mistakes

You need to thoroughly understand those issues inside and out.

She will see your actions through the lens of her recent experiences with you.

And your words or endeavors will probably not be successful.

When you understand the issues that caused the divorce you can correct them.

This can go a long way on the road to reconciling your damaged relationship.

 

Time is needed for you both to heal from the wounds of this break.

You are also probably not in the right mindset to approach your wife.

To try to salvage your marriage even though you say I still love my ex wife.

Being led by your emotions to try at this point will be a disaster.

Because as you both are feeling hurt and your efforts now will hurt your chances.

Chances of eventually getting a second opportunity because you will create more harm than good.

You need to have patience and persistence throughout this endeavor.

 

I still love my ex wife but I won’t get her back without a plan

Not having a plan of action will mean a scattered and disorganized approach.

Which will no doubt lead to mistakes and errors in that approach.

You made mistakes before and where did they get you ?

Divorced.

It is good that you know what you want to do and that you can still say I still love my ex wife.

That is a start but like I said before it will take time .

Time Patience and effort in understanding the causes of the split.

And the effort at this moment will all be in your hands and on your side for the time being.

In our reluctance to let go of an ex wife it can be seen as holding on to our capacity to love.

And the feeling of being loving is a good thing.

An ability to continue loving despite the tribulations is a quality that will stand you in good stead.

 

Don’t forget that I still love my ex wife and persistence is everything.

When you feel down and you think you will never get back together.

Remember your ability to love and its persistence it will sustain you.

And I am not going to tell you it is going to be easy it wont.

I am not even going to tell you you will get your ex wife back in the end.

It is all up to you and the effort you put in that will prove your worth to your ex wife.

And show her that rather than just tell her.

Actions speak louder than words.

 

Change and progress

You shouldn’t see the act of divorce as an end in itself.

Just because you have signed the legal documents that confirms that you are no longer together. 

This does not mean that you won’t be able to win back the women you love.

If you are persistent and willing to work on yourself you still have a good chance.

Seeing where mistakes were made correcting them is a great start.

Making sure you do your best to be your best.

In order to once again become that man who inspired her at the beginning of your courtship.

Or the man that she said I Do to previously.

And she will be moved to be with you again in the future.

 

When marriage reached this point it meant that you were facing serious issues that you failed to identify  or to resolve.

Starting anew and getting some perspective may help you to understand what went wrong.

And to finally correct some of the destructive behaviors for once and for all.

You must correct those  behaviors and understand your ex wife’s frustrations.

 

Some Don’ts in the process

Play the victim

The victim mentality is poisonous to any relationship.

What victims do is fantasize that their ex’s new life is perfect while theirs is lonely and sad.

They say things like “My wife dumped me” and “I can’t believe this happened to me.”

They talk as if something horrible has been done to them and only them.

Realize that your ex wife may feel exactly the same as you do.

While everyone going through a divorce deserves an amount of time to feel sorry for themselves.

That time needs to be short lived as they say “Get over yourself”.

 

The focus needs to become so much larger than “this is what was done to me.”

That attitude wont help you in winning her back.

It will just prove to her the divorce was the right thing to do

 

Stay angry

Anger will destroy you and any hopes you have of reconciling.

It will prevent you from ever moving on in a real way, or with any productivity.

Again, it’s OK and normal healthy actually to feel angry for a little while.

But know when enough is enough and get over it as quick as possible.

Anger is a complete waste of time and energy.

It’s bad for you, health wise and very bad for your kids.

Instead of being angry, channel that energy into perseverance.

That will lead to finding your new life, one that will make you truly happy.

And that will act as a lure to draw your ex back to you

 

Try rewrite history

When you miss someone, it is human nature to forget everything bad that happened in the marriage.

And to think about all the good stuff.

Nostalgia is a powerful feeling and emotion in this regard.

Our minds want to protect our feelings, so we block out the bad.

What you end up with is, I will never understand why she did this to us and our family.

We had the perfect life. We were so happy.

That is in truth and reality an oversight.

When you do begin to let go, you start seeing the clues that you missed.

What you didn’t want to see was the fights that resulted in those hard hitting home truths.

In realizing your part in causing the split, it is an essential part to the progress you want.

It is difficult to be that brutal with your own failings but it is necessary.

That’s when healing can really begin.

 

Stalk her on social media

Social media is not your friend right now .

It is tempting to watch, follow or even stalk you ex wife at this point.

If you are one of the few who have access to your ex’s social media pages,.

It isn’t healthy to keep track of what she is doing, their photos, etc.

If you are still saying I still love my ex wife.

It will just hurt you if you see something that shows she is moving on.

Best not do this now, maybe in time.

And after you both heal and when you can be friends.

Or at least when you are social to each other.

Then perhaps return to this platform with your ex wife.

 

Blame yourself

“If only I’d been a better husband…”

“I should have taken that trip to Europe with her when she asked me last year…”

“I never appreciated her…”

No one goes into a marriage wanting to make mistakes.

But the fact is that we all make them.

And when people get divorced, they come out of the marriage with regrets.

If you can recognize the causes of those mistake process them.

Make sure you don’t repeat them.

Learn from your mistakes don’t just regret them.

Actually, even people who are still happily married have regrets.

Remember that you were the best husband you thought you could be at the time.

Does it really matter now, will it help you in your plan of action?

This like anger is a waste of time and energy.

Unless you do something about them and then move on in a positive mode.

 

Stay home/refuse to date or even go out socially

The best way to get over an ex-wife is to socialize.

Meet new people, take your mind off of her.

This is a good way to stop you obsessing about your ex wife.

And will show her you are getting on with your life.

I’m not saying you have to date if you aren’t ready.

But just making new friends keeps our minds fresh.

Our spirits alive and our lives exciting and fun.

It wont hurt when it comes time to try start a new relationship with your ex wife.

You may think it will but it wont.

The fact that you try dating other people can work in your favor.

If she sees that you are dating it can make her look at you differently.

She will see that you have moved on even though you may not have completely.

When the time comes to think about reigniting the relationship.

You can say I did try dating and they were not what I wanted when I compared them to you.

 

In reconciling it may be the longest part of the process

You need to show change and actions in that respect speak louder than words.

You will also need to show an understanding that the causes of the divorce are no longer an issue .

Then you need to romance her like a new conquest.

But one you are familiar with.

And that will make this easier.

You will know what she likes and dislikes so use that to your advantage.

But time and persistence in showing I still love my ex wife can move mountains.

And mend broken hearts.

 

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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