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I still love my ex boyfriend : Why can’t I forget you ?


I still love my ex boyfriend : the end of a relationship can leave behind so many things.

Somethings you would rather not be left with at all.

It can leave a trail of confusion betrayal anger pain and suffering.

A lot of negative feelings.

But Love? Why do I still love my ex boyfriend ?

How can I still love my ex boyfriend and why can’t I forget him.

 

Love is about the act of commitment.

Commitment to a person.

With whom you thought it is possible for you to see all things and the future.

It is about nurturing and growing within in the realm of that commitment.

The end of a relationship can mean the end of so much.

But life goes on and giving up is for quitters.

Sometimes what you are left with is more than you bargained for.

Betrayal pain suffering heartache anger yes even dare I say hatred.

But Love really why, how can I still love my ex boyfriend after all that has happened ?

Love can be like the lottery

We play to win but more often we lose.

And losing the ‘love of our life’ is shattering.

We ask, ‘Why couldn’t he love me as much as I loved him’?

This is why love is like a lottery.

It is so rare that both parties feel exactly the same and on the same level.

Even if they do that doesn’t necessarily guarantee success.

And why you can be left thinking… I still love my ex boyfriend

 

Stanford University researchers found people tend to “carry a heavier burden from rejection” when they feel that who they are as a person has been revealed or exposed.

 

“Few things in life are more traumatic than being rejected by someone who knows you well.

And then, with this insight.

Decide that she or he no longer cares for you or wants to be with you,”

Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford, said in a statement.

“The experience of being left by someone who thought that they loved you, then learned more and changed their mind, can be a particularly potent threat to the self and can drive people to question who they truly are.”

I can’t forget and I still love my ex boyfriend

The reasons why someone can’t get over an ex-partner can be complicated.

And the loving feelings about an ex can continue for any number of reasons.

Often enough, people take this as an indication to attempt reunion.

Sometimes this is absolutely right sometime it is not.

 

But frequently you may realise your recollected feelings and memories.

Your internal image of your ex, is distinctly different from the feelings you have when you are in his actual presence.

In recollecting it can be an idealised version of the person.

It is common in nostalgia and especially to do with memories about a relationship.

Something that has little basis in reality to qualify or sustain a loving couple.

 

Distinguishing between the internal image of an ex and the actual person can lead to an appreciation of our own loving feelings.

While we may feel a persistent sense of injury and even anger while in their presence.

In our internal world we may be able to access love and compassion for that same person.

 

Common wisdom and common practice tells us we have to purge in order to move on.

Purge ourselves of thoughts and feelings about former lovers and partners.

This wisdom does have its benefits and its drawbacks. It is a pharmakon of sorts.

 

When our loving feelings survive after the break-up it can make us feel confused.

And even make us feel a little ashamed.

Though we might not care to admit it.

It can become like a secret closeted away in the dark recesses of our minds.

 

Confused, because we think that as long as an ex is on our mind we must not be “over” him.

Like that our love lives have somehow stalled and can not move on.

 

Ashamed because we mistake our loving feelings as a desire for reconciliation.

To want to be with someone who no longer wants us or with whom that relationship has ended.

Instead it should be looked at as the survival of your ability to Love in the face of adversity.

I still love my ex boyfriend it’s a sign…a sign I can still love

Imagine if you will, the thought of your ex being proud of you.

When you have accomplished a difficult task or overcome a great obstacle.

Imagine the memory of your ex as supportive, proud and dependable.

Always there for you. As the memories of them are.

Like a child’s teddy bear or blanket imbued with the special ability to comfort.

 

This thinking and being creative with your capacity to love.

Can endow the memories of your ex with the power to help you through your struggles.

This  image signifies the loving relationship you and your former partner created during the best of times.

 

It is a representation of your ability to love and the survival of that ability.

And therefore can be viewed as less of a failure and more of a success in a way.

Turning the way it is viewed as a memory from a sorrowful negative perspective to a positive support.

Less about the loss of an ex and more about the survival of your ability to love.  

 

You can love someone else deeply for a time and have that love come to an end.

Just because it ended doesn’t mean it was a waste of time.

It is the nature of things to have a beginning and an end.

And it does not make it any less true or real.

 

Your love touched you at your very core.

It has shaped who you are as a person.

In the words of the old adage.

 

It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

 

And it should be cherished rather than mourned.

 

 

Acceptance, I still love my ex boyfriend and I can’t forget you

 

A large part of this acceptance is forgiveness.

Accept the fact “I still love my ex boyfriend.”

Forgive yourself for not being able to hold the relationship together.

Because you are only one part of the couple that separated.

Forgive your partner for wanting to leave.

 

If you are going to remain friends with them this one is absolutely vital.

Remaining as friends can make it more difficult.

Because it will be painful seeing them while thinking I still love my ex boyfriend.

You will need to be much stronger, than if you rarely see them again or at all.

Forgive your partner or yourself for the problems that led to the split.

You are both only human.

 

If you continue to look back with bitterness you will never find true love and contentment.

Only increasing personal sadness.

 

I still love my ex boyfriend now let it go

 

You have invested so much time, effort and tears.

To make a relationship work out only to lose it in just a moment.

Of course it’s hard to let it go.  Whoever said it was going to be easy?

However and whenever you think of others, you also have to think of yourself.

You ought to respect and value yourself more than anyone.

And being clingy indicates that your self value is way below the line.

Do not cling to someone who doesn’t see your true value.

This holds true for the memories of that person too.

The what if’s are good for nothing, especially if they keep you from doing something.

It just does not work, it is no help.

 

Love can be perfectly real without being forever.

I still love my ex boyfriend achieve absolution absolutely.

There are a few things people can do to help them get over an ex.

Common wisdom and practice tells us to purge in order to move on from this kind of situation .

And it can help us to move on change and progress go hand in hand.

Clean house, clean your room and throw away all the things that you associate with your ex.

Like photo albums, gifts he gave you, decayed old flowers he gave you that you’re still keeping as souvenirs, letters and birthday cards the lot.

All the mementos of the past relationship that have painful associations have to go.

If you have posters or pictures drawn on the wall with him, repaint your walls and redecorate your bedroom.

 

Another good way is to process the emotions by writing.

A journal or a letter of your feelings.

It doesn’t have to be the best writing or even good writing at all.

Really it could be really, really bad.

I am sure there is enough on that subject to write an epic on.

Just get it all out there.

Imagine that as you write them down.

The feelings and thoughts flow through your body through the pen and stick to the paper.

You could take some of them to the sea put them in a bottle and set them free.

 

You could make a list of all the things you want to do with your life.

What are the things that you could never do together?

Did he hate boating because he got seasick?

Go on a cruise.

Did he hate the idea of doing dancing lessons ?

Take tango or salsa dance classes.

Boost your spirits with exercise.

Physical activity  is a great way to start feeling good about yourself.

After a difficult experience.

Not only is it beneficial but it is cheap and fun.

It’s also proven to boost your mood and fight clinical depression.

Before you know it, when you stick with it, you’ll start to notice changes in the ways you look and feel.

It will increase your self-confidence.

And as well as being a welcome distraction to help you to get over the heartbreak.

Access your support network.

Being alone after a breakup not a great idea.

Sure we all need some time alone.

However it’s does make it easier to fall into negative thought patterns.

And become overly critical of yourself.

Being around positive people you’re close to makes it easier to keep things in perspective.

Your friends and family can offer you helpful advice and a helping hand.

If you need help clearing his stuff out.

They can be there when you need comfort and reassurance.

When you’re not feeling good.  Nothing ever got better by not talking about it.

Friends and family can help greatly in that respect and without being judgemental.

Closure

Alexander Graham Bell said, “When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”

 

Whether it be in relationships, a job or a stage in life.

Getting closure for any significant moment in one’s life is important, psychiatrist Abigail Brenner says.

“Closure means finality; letting go of what once was,” she writes in Psychology Today.

“Finding closure implies a complete acceptance of what has happened and an honouring of the transition away from what’s finished to something new.”

To do this, Brenner suggests one must grieve the loss.

Take responsibility for their actions.

Focus on the positives and make a plan for the immediate future.

This, she says, will force you to make things happen and move on.

 

Avoid situations where you are most likely to run into your former partner.

This includes social media sites.

Best practice is to remove the ex-partner from your social media accounts.

If you know they always hang out at a certain bar, cafe or web site don’t go there.

Try to separate you life and yourself from places where you might bump into them.

Revisiting the old haunts you visited as a couple, will only serve as a reminder of those times.

Best not to go there, find new places, be adventurous explore more.

And when you feel ready, you should begin dating, if you haven’t already.

 

 

 

 

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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