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How to win your ex girlfriend back after a breakup

win your ex-girlfriend backYou and your girlfriend have had a massive fight and in the heat of the moment one of you has screamed “It’s over!”  Or maybe she got tired of all your annoying habits and decided it was time for the two of you to break up.  Or perhaps you were the one who ended it, thinking that she wasn’t right for you, but now you’ve changed your mind.  No matter how it ended, the fact of the matter now is that you want to get her back, but what can you say that would make her give you another chance?  How to win your ex girlfriend back after a breakup?

Cut off contact

The first thing that you need to do after a breakup if you want to know how to win your ex girlfriend back is to cut off contact.  You may think that this is counterproductive but it’s a tried and tested strategy that works in a number of different ways, so stop visiting, stop calling, stop texting and emailing… stop all contact with your ex immediately.

Time and Space

You and your ex need some time and space away from one another to heal from the breakup.  It was very intense, a lot of hurtful things were said, and you need some time to let the wounds heal.  If you try to win her back while you’re still angry or hurt about the breakup, you’re likely to say something that you’ll regret and you’ll lose any chance you had of getting her back.  Taking time and space away from your ex also allows you to miss your ex and gives her the opportunity to cool off after the breakup and miss you too.  If you don’t contact her for a while, she is much more likely to remark on your absence, and therefore think about you, and the more she thinks about you the more she will miss you, which is a good way for her to feel if you want to succeed at how to win your ex girlfriend back.

Grieve the relationship

Take this time to express any pent up emotions you have left over from the relationship and the breakup.  If you’re hurt, cry, scream and let it all out.  Get it all out of your system before you try to know how to win your ex girlfriend back.  If you have a lot of anger or frustration over the breakup, find a healthy outlet for these emotions, perhaps a punching bag at the gym.  Make sure you purge yourself of all these emotions now so that you don’t carry them with you into your new relationship.

Reflect on the relationship

During this period where you have cut off all contact with your ex, you should use your time to think back on the relationship and consider where you might have gone wrong.  Perhaps you weren’t attentive enough when she was talking about her job or her cat, or perhaps you had a wondering eye when the two of you went out.  Reflect on the relationship to find out where you made any mistakes, so that you can work on how to fix these errors so they never happen again when you get back together.

Improve yourself

win her backUse this period of no contact to work on the things about yourself that you think you could improve or anything that irritated your ex.  Make some changes physically and emotionally, in your appearance and in your attitude.  Try to be more positive, or less angry, or more attentive… whatever it is you think you can improve on; and then make a physical change to reflect this inner change.  Buy a new shirt to wear the next time you see your ex, one that is well-fitted and perhaps her favorite color.  All this self improvement has the objective of making you more attractive to your ex, and she will feel flattered if she thinks that you have made the effort for her, or even a little envious if she believes you did it for some other reason; either way, it can only help in trying to understand how to win your ex girlfriend back.

Contact her

After a few weeks have passed and you feel like you’ve made all the necessary improvements to yourself, you’re ready to get back in contact with your ex.  Don’t show up in person unexpectedly; this is a big mistake, you don’t want her to think you’re stalking her.  Don’t text her or message her on social media; it’s too casual and not personal enough; she’ll think you just want to hook up.  Telephone her and ask if the two of you can meet in person to talk.  Don’t be vague about your plan; make sure you have a definitive time and place in mind before you call her.  Organise the meeting far enough in advance that she has a little time to anticipate the meeting and seeing you again, and arrange for it to take place in a neutral location, not at your place or hers, but in a café or park; a neutral territory.

Get together

You have arranged the meeting and now you’re going to meet up with your ex-girlfriend.  This meeting should be very casual.  Meet up in a café or a public space so that you’re not in danger of emotions running too high.  Use the meeting as an opportunity to show your ex that you’re looking good and doing well without her.

Make small talk

Avoid talking about anything particularly heavy like your relationship or breakup right away; you don’t want to scare her off.  Make small talk.  Ask how she is doing and about her friends and family.  Listen carefully and be attentive to everything she says.  She’ll love knowing that she has your full attention; it will make her feel valued and appreciated.  Pay her a few compliments.  Women love when you notice their new hairstyle or purse or perfume; it shows you’re paying attention, and nothing will make a woman feel more special than a compliment.

Be a little unattainable

Try not to flirt too much with your ex and be a little unattainable if you want to win her back.  Don’t make it seem like you’re seeing someone else, just be a little aloof and unavailable; you can do this following this first meeting by waiting a day or two before you reply to her calls or texts.  People always want what they can’t have; so if you act like you want her right away, she will probably not be interested, and the more that you act like you don’t want her, the more she will want you; this is one of the many wonders of the female mind but no matter what the science or psychology behind it, it will help you to find how to win your ex girlfriend back.


During this first meeting with your ex you have to apologise for anything you did wrong that led to the end of the relationship.  Try to do this casually, don’t let it lead to a discussion about the breakup; just say it in passing and don’t linger on the subject, and move on quickly to talk about something else.  Apologise for what you did wrong, but only do it once.  There is no point in revisiting the past over and over again and if you have apologised then she should be able to forgive you and you should be able to find how to win your ex girlfriend back.  Don’t take all the blame for the breakup.  If she won’t let it go and starts accusing you of anything and everything, don’t rise to the bait.  Do not tell her she’s wrong or contradict her, but don’t agree with her either if it’s not true.  If the relationship ended, it was the responsibility of both of you and you should not shoulder all the blame.

Continue meeting up casually

get your ex backContinue to meet up with your ex casually every few days and in neutral places.  Try not to be the one always suggesting these meetings and if necessary try to wait several days for her to suggest meeting up before you take matters into your own hands.

Show her how well you know her

You and your ex were together for a long time and you know her better than anyone, so do things to show off to her your intimate knowledge.  Invite her to do activities that you know she loves; for example if she enjoys musical theatre, take her to see a show.  Alternatively, buy her little gifts that show how well you know her; this doesn’t mean a diamond necklace that you know she’ll love, it means her favourite strawberry pastries from the little bakery around the corner from your apartment.  Don’t go overboard.  Just do little things or buy little presents to show your ex that you know her better than anyone and perhaps show her that you want to get back together.

Show her you’ve changed

It’s very important when attempting to find how to win your ex girlfriend back to show her that you’ve changed.  No woman will be wooed into a relationship again if she thinks it’s going to be exactly the same as last time and go down the drain again in another few months.  You should use your casual meetings with her to let the internal changes that you’ve made shine through.  Let her see that you have changed, that you deserve another chance, and maybe she will give you one.  You are much more likely to succeed at winning her back if you can really convince her that you have truly changed and that you won’t revert back to how you were before the second that she agrees to get back together.

But how to win your ex girlfriend back ?

After several of these casual meetings with your ex, you should make your intentions clear.  If your ex doesn’t bring it up after a few weeks, then you should.  Let her know that you would like to get back together and give your relationship a second chance by either bringing it up and having a conversation about it, or you can take a risk and try to make a move, as long as you’re convinced that she won’t see this as too sudden and reject you.

If she doesn’t want to give you another chance, she doesn’t want to get back together or she rejects you, at least now you know.  You can stop wasting your time and move on with your life.

If she does agree to give your relationship another shot, congratulations!  You’ve succeeded in winning back your ex-girlfriend!

Your new relationship

Your work is not done just because you have managed to see how to win your ex girlfriend back.  Your relationship is still very fragile and you and your girlfriend have a lot of work to do before you can get back to how you were before.

Work on your relationship

Now that you know how easily your relationship can fall apart you should take better care of it from now on.  Make sure to spend time together and work on your relationship.  It may take a little time and effort on both your behalves but eventually you may get back to the place of love and trust that you were in before everything went south.  You never know, if you give your relationship the proper care and attention it needs and deserves, it may be even better than before.

Communicate openly

You and your girlfriend have already experienced the dangers of what can happen if there’s a breakdown in communication in your relationship, so make sure that from here on out the lines of communication in your relationship are open.  Listen and be attentive to one another.  Talk about anything and everything, and if you have doubts about the relationship or anything else in your life, don’t be afraid to express them to your partner.  She is there to support you and you should support her in the same way.  Be open and honest with one another from now on and you can avoid going through another breakup a little further down the road.

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site

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