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Radio Silence: how to use it and get back with your ex
Getting your ex back is not an easy thing to do, especially after a nasty breakup. You desperately want to reunite with your ex and pick up where you left off, but your ex has broken up with you, so what can you do? Radio silence is an important and effective part of the GMEB method and when used properly can have unbelievable results. Read this article on how to use radio silence for maximum results and getting your ex back will soon seem like a piece of cake.
What is radio silence?
Radio silence is the name given to the no contact period that you will use to start the process of getting your ex back. It means that you will not contact your ex in any way or at any time for any reason; no phone calls, no visits, no texts, no emails, and no social media messaging. The concept of radio silence is to sever all ties with your ex and enter into a period of utter silence.
A frequently asked question when talking about this silence is for how long should it last? There is no easy answer to this; it depends on you. The ideal time period is a week or two but often people need a little longer. You’re going to use the no contact period to attempt to heal and recover from the breakup and to rid yourself of any negative feelings you have for your ex, so after the ideal time period has passed, if you still have lingering feelings of hurt or anger, wait a little longer to end the period. Similarly, if the breakup was very bad; there was a huge fight or argument, or you did things like crying, pleading or threatening your ex, you should probably wait another few weeks.
Why use the no contact method?
You may think that cutting off all contact with your ex is the last thing that you want to do; if you don’t hear their voice every day you feel like your heart will explode from missing them, but there are in fact several excellent reasons for implementing a no contact period.
Space to recover
You need to give yourself some time and distance away from your ex to recover from the breakup. Take the time you need to grieve for the end of your relationship and then find a way of purging yourself of any emotions of hurt or anger towards your ex; if you want to get back together, emotions like these will only hinder you. Use this time and space to heal, and also use it to reflect on your relationship; reflect on any problems you may have had and consider where it might have gone wrong; think about these things so that you can find a way to fix the problems so that you don’t make the same mistakes twice when you and your ex get back together.
Your ex will miss you
While you’re busy worrying about how much you miss your ex, you haven’t stopped to consider that you need your ex to miss you too. A radio silence period doesn’t only mean that you won’t see or speak to your ex for a significant time, it means that your ex won’t see or speak to you either; and considering what a big part of his/her life you were until recently, it’s going to be very strange for him/her not to hear from you. This silence period gives your ex the opportunity to remark on your absence from their life and make them realize how much they enjoyed seeing or speaking to you. It will make them miss you as much as you’re missing them, and this is very effective when you’re trying to get your ex back.
Provoke your ex’s curiosity
You have suddenly gone from seeing your ex every day and calling and texting incessantly to nothing. No calls, no texts, no visits. Your ex is going to be taken by surprise. He/she is going to wonder if something has happened to you and why you’ve suddenly completely changed your tune. Your ex is going to become very curious as to what you’re up to, what you’re doing and who you’re spending time with. Your absence and this curiosity is going to make your ex think about you all the time which will only make them miss you even more, which will make the process of getting your ex back much easier.
How to use it
The implementation of radio silence itself is very simple. The aspects that people tend to struggle with most are maintaining it and making the most of it. There are several things you can do to reap the maximum possible benefits of radio silence.
The very first thing you need to do is be resolved to maintain your silence. You need to decide right away that you want this no contact period to work and become resolved not to do anything impulsively or give in to a sudden whim to see or speak to your ex which could jeopardize your period of silence. For this to work, you have to stay strong. You cannot give in every time your poor little broken heart cries out “But I want to see him/her!”
Keeping yourself busy during this period will make it much easier on you and the time will fly. Do things that you enjoy; if you like going to the gym, go to the gym; if you love dancing, go dancing every night. The worst thing that you can do during this period is stick to your same old boring routine and go home to an empty apartment every night to be reminded that your ex is no longer there. Maybe sitting in front of the television with a microwave dinner every night was fine when you had someone to do it with, but now that your ex has left you, doing this will only make you feel miserable and alone. Do things that will keep you out of the house as much as possible; go visit friends or family, throw yourself into your work, or even just spend your evenings at the library or cinema. You could even use this time to try new things; new sports or activities that you’ve always thought about but never had the time for. Maybe there’s something that you’ve always wanted to try and now you have the opportunity to do it. Keeping yourself busy means distracting yourself and this will make it much easier to resist the temptation to call your ex.
Work on yourself
To use this period of radio silence effectively, you should use your time apart from your ex to work on yourself. Think about the things that went wrong in the relationship. Did you have any faults? Was there something wrong with your attitude? Did you have habits that drove your ex crazy? Use this time to identify what went wrong in your relationship and what you might be able to do to fix it. Work on yourself. This doesn’t mean that you have to become a totally different person. It just means that there are steps you can take to develop yourself, to become a better person, to become the best possible version of yourself. Maybe you need to work on getting rid of some habits. Maybe you need to work on your attitude. Identify any problems or things you think you should work on and do it. Make some mental and physical changes. Change the way you think and then change your appearance a little to reflect the changes you’re making within. This will only make your ex more attracted to you when you try to get him/her back.
Spend time with family and friends
You and your partner have broken up but that doesn’t mean you have to be alone. Spend some time with your family and friends during the radio silence period. Enjoy their company and allow them to distract you from your ex’s absence and the temptation to call them. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you and you suddenly won’t feel so lonely anymore. Rely on them to get you back on your feet and help you recover from your breakup.
The best way to prepare for any potential problems you might face during your period of silence is to be aware of what they might be and take measures to avoid falling into the traps.
If you can, it’s a good idea to avoid alcohol during this time. There’s nothing wrong with having a glass of wine with dinner or a beer while you watch the football, but one can quickly turn into two, and two into three, and before you know it, you’re drunk. Alcohol significantly lowers our inhibitions, which means your resolve not to call your ex quickly disappears and you’ve got a drunk dialing incident on your hands. This is not the way you want to reconnect with your ex after a period of silence, so while one or two drinks won’t really do any harm, it’s advisable to stay away from alcohol and avoid getting drunk during the no contact period.
Social media is another thing that can seem totally harmless, but when you suddenly see that your ex has changed his/her relationship status or uploaded a photo with some strange man/woman’s arm draped over their shoulders, the situation deteriorates quickly. Even just seeing that your ex is online can inspire a lot of paranoia, so if you’re going to continue using social media, it’s a good idea to block or delete your ex for a little while. Seeing his/her smiling face, or even just seeing that little green light saying they’re online is enough to make you question what they’re doing and who they’re with. It will inspire envy and this envy will tempt you to see or speak to your ex.
If you and your ex have a lot of mutual friends it’s going to be very difficult to avoid him/her without avoiding your friends, and the problem with seeing these friends even without your ex in the vicinity is that they are going to relate information about your ex to you, and hearing this information could break your resolve and tempt you to call your ex. If you can, and if you have other friends that you can rely on at this time, it might be a good idea to avoid your mutual friends for a little while. You don’t have to reject their calls, and if someone calls and asks you to do something with just the two of you then that’s fine, but avoid going to group outings or parties at their houses where your ex might be present. Tell them that you need some space from your ex and they will understand.
Your ex contacts you
Your radio silence has gotten to your ex and they have called you. This is a good sign; it means they miss you, but don’t give in just yet. Make sure you are well and truly ready before you end your silence. Make sure the no contact period lasts for at least one week, even if your ex calls you after just a couple of days. Even if your ex calls before you’re ready or you think the silence should last a little longer, answer or return the call. Don’t ignore your ex, it’s counterproductive. Keep the call brief and simply inform your ex that you’re doing well, you need a little time and space, and you’ll get back to them soon. The radio silence method is as much for your personal benefit as it is for the benefit of your relationship, so take as long as you need to work on yourself and take some time away from your ex. Make the most of this no contact period before you get your ex back.Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com