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How to get someone to forgive you for cheating
How to get someone to forgive for cheating or anything else ? You have betrayed your partner in the most awful way and you don’t know what to do. You desperately want to save your relationship but you don’t know if your partner will ever be able to forgive you for cheating. You are eager to know how to get someone to forgive you for your mistakes. You made your bed and now you have to lie in it, but if you are lucky you might be able to convince your partner to come back and lie there with you. If you follow the right steps you may succeed in knowing how to get someone to forgive you.
Question yourself first to know how to get someone to forgive you
Before you even attempt to talk to your partner about your infidelity, you need to be absolutely certain of how you feel and how you want to move forward past this betrayal. There are a few questions you need to ask yourself and be certain of your answers.
Why did you cheat?
What was it about your relationship that made you want to turn to someone else? Were you feeling undervalued, unappreciated, insecure, unsatisfied in the bedroom? You need to be aware of the reason why you felt so unhappy or that something was lacking so much with your partner or your relationship that you felt the need to turn to someone else. It’s important that you identify the reason or reasons why you cheated so that you can work on this personally. You can’t expect your partner to trust you again if you don’t work on fixing the things that led you to stray. If you don’t know why you cheated and you don’t work on fixing these reasons then how can you know that it won’t happen again?
Was it a one off or an affair?
While this may have no bearing on knowing how to get someone to forgive you for cheating, it does matter to some people and it’s important for you. When you cheated was it one moment of weakness with a stranger you met in a bar or was it a long term affair with someone you were very close to? One of the questions your partner is most likely to ask is “do you love him/her?” and if the answer to that question is yes, then you probably don’t love your partner anymore and you need to seriously reconsider why you want to stay with them if you’re in love with someone else.
Do you still love your partner?
Are you certain that you still love your partner and want to stay with them? If the answer is no then you need to end the relationship as quickly and painlessly as possible. If the answer is yes then identify what went wrong in your relationship and why you were unfaithful.
Admit your mistake
The first thing that you need to do is admit to yourself that you have made a mistake, and then you can begin taking steps to fix it and get to know how to get someone to forgive you.
End the affair
If it was indeed an actual relationship and you haven’t already done so, you need to end your affair. You can’t genuinely tell your partner that you want to stay together and work on your relationship if you’re still seeing someone else. End the affair as quickly as possible and cut of all contact you have with this other person. If you want your relationship to work you need to cut them out of your life.
You have to come clean to your partner. It’s possible that he/she already knows or has found out in some other way, but if not you need to confess to your partner that you have had an affair. If you want your relationship with your partner to work, you need to work on your relationship, and you can’t build a relationship on lies. Tell your partner the truth. It is often more difficult to know how to get someone to forgive you or anyone for keeping their infidelity hidden for a long time than it is to forgive the actual infidelity, so come clean. In moving forward, you want the lines of communication in your relationship to be as open as possible, and that starts with you confessing what you have done.
Once you have admitted to your partner what you have done, you need to apologize to them. Tell them how sorry you are and be sincere; your partner is not going to believe that you’re serious about staying together if you aren’t genuine in your apology, and if you aren’t sorry for what you have done then your partner will never take you back because they have no reason to believe that it will never happen again.
No matter what went wrong in your relationship, it was your decision to stray and nobody else’s, so no matter what your partner may have done to chase you into the arms of another, now is not the time to play the blame game. Admit to your partner that you were struggling with the relationship but that it was your problem, not theirs. You must accept full responsibility for your actions if you want to stay with your partner.
Don’t apologize to your partner with the expectation that you will fall at their feet, beg forgiveness and be forgiven right away. When you apologize to your partner, it must be free of expectations, including the expectation that your relationship will survive. Your partner may choose to end it right away, without even fully hearing you out; either way it is your partner’s choice to make, so don’t have any expectations when you apologize to your partner.
How to get someone to forgive you by asking
When you apologize, you need to make your intentions clear. What you did was wrong and you know this. You’ve apologized for it but your partner doesn’t know where to go from here. They don’t know whether you’re telling them this because you’re breaking up with them or because you’re feeling guilty. Be clear in telling your partner that you want to save your relationship, and that you’re telling them all this because you would like to find out how to get someone to forgive you for cheating.
Have an honest discussion
Once your partner has calmed down from the initial shock or anger of your betrayal, you need to attempt to have a calm, rational and honest discussion with them about what happened and how you might move past it.
Be prepared to answer some tough questions
Your partner will no doubt have a lot of questions for you about the reasons for your infidelity and will likely want to know details about the person with whom you cheated. You must be prepared to answer these tough questions; not answering or avoiding the questions will only make your partner more furious, so give them honest answers. Try to answer your partner’s questions calmly and rationally, without letting emotion get in the way, even if your partner does. It’s likely that your partner will get angry, shout and cry; be prepared for this, but don’t get defensive or angry in return. Answer all your partner’s questions as kindly and gently as possible. Try not to say anything hurtful, but at the same time you must be one hundred per cent honest.
Be prepared for irrational demands
Just as you should be prepared for your partner’s emotions and questions, you should be prepared for any irrational demands. Your partner may want you to get on your knees and beg forgiveness, and while this won’t really solve things in the long run, you should do what they ask of you. You made a mistake and your partner is desperately looking for some guarantee that it won’t happen again, so be prepared to meet their demands.
Your partner has heard you out and now you must be understanding of their feelings and the fact that it might take them some time to process what is happening and to make a decision.
Give them space
Your partner may ask for space, a little time and distance away from you to think about this and clear their head, and you should respect this. If they ask you to move out for a little while, find somewhere else to stay for a few nights. Your partner has a lot to think about and you being there, whether you mean it to or not, is putting pressure on them, and this is not a decision that they should be pressured into. Your partner needs some distance from you to evaluate their feelings and decide whether or not they can ever trust you again.
Even if a week passes and your partner still hasn’t called to tell you of their decision, don’t pressure them. Be patient; this is a difficult choice for your partner, and you pressuring them right now will not help your case. Show your partner the respect they deserve. You were the one who made the mistake and now the least you can do is be patient with them while they make their decision.
Respect their choices
If your partner decides after taking some time away from you that they cannot forgive you for cheating and they want to end the relationship, don’t beg and plead with them to change their mind. You have to understand and accept that this is their choice; it was not an easy one to make, and respect their decision. If your partner chooses to stay together, to know how to get someone to forgive you and move on in your relationship, you should also understand that your partner will not automatically forgive you right away just because they have decided they want to try to make it work. You have severely damaged the trust in your relationship, and you need to understand that it will take a long time for you to rebuild this trust and get back to where you were before.
Your new relationship
In moving forward with your partner, you still have a lot of work to do in your relationship to make it stronger and ensure that you never stray again; after all, you will be a lot less likely to know how to get someone to forgive you for cheating a second time.
Prove your partner made the right decision
You need to work hard at your relationship and keep proving to your partner that you can be trusted and that you really deserve the second chance that they have awarded you. Be prepared to make concessions at the beginning of this new and fragile relationship: when you want to go out with your friends and your partner wants you to stay in and watch a documentary with them, you stay in with your partner. Be aware that you’re really going to have to work to find out how to get someone to forgive you fully and that you’re going to have to prove constantly for a while that you can be trusted.
Prove you’ve changed
Make it clear to your partner in your words, thoughts and actions that you are devoted to this relationship and that you’ve changed. Your ex has never had to forgive you for cheating; that was a different person, a past version of yourself that no longer exists. Prove to your partner that things will be different this time.
If you want your new relationship to work, you and your partner are going to have to work on your communication skills. From now on, if you’re feeling discontent, unhappy or unsatisfied in the relationship, you’re going to confide your doubts and these feelings to one another. You will trust the other person to help you through them and not look elsewhere. Moving forward, you and your partner are going to communicate much more openly with one another.
Don’t let it happen again
No matter what happens or what may change in your relationship, don’t ever put your partner in a position where you have to ask them to understand forgive you for cheating again, because you know what the answer will be next time. Work on yourself and work on your relationship so that you never betray your partner’s trust again. It’s not easy to get someone to know how to forgive you for cheating, and if you do it a second time, you won’t deserve another chance.Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com