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How to forgive a cheating wife : 7 ways to manage it


how to forgive a cheating wifeMany of us consider cheating to be the greatest betrayal possible in a relationship, and in many ways it is; it certainly damages the trust we can have for another.  It can leave a relationship or marriage on the brink, so frail even the slightest wind could send it tumbling over the edge, so how can you come back from an infidelity?  Do you just know how to forgive a cheating wife for what she did to you, the hurt and betrayal she caused you? Her act seems unforgivable, and yet you still love her, or you have children together, and for their sake you want to make your marriage work.  Perhaps you know your wife well enough to know that this was a gross anomaly, one huge mistake in an otherwise flawless track record.  You know you want to forgive her, but how?  Follow this article to learn how to forgive a cheating wife.

  1. The aftermath

In the immediate aftermath of an incident of cheating or in the aftermath of its discovery, it is okay to express your emotions.  You want to scream, shout, maybe even cry, and that’s okay.  You should allow yourself to do this, but avoid making any rash decisions at this point.  Get it all out of your system before you make any choices you may regret.

Calm down

Once you’ve shouted and screamed until your throat was raw and cried until your eyes ran dry, you should take several deep breaths and try to calm yourself down.  Screaming, shouting and crying may have helped ease the pain but they haven’t solved the problem.  Take some time to calm yourself down; putting some time and space between you and your wife might help with this.  Sleep on it, and make sure that you’re calm before you attempt anything.

Control your emotions

Make sure you control your emotions and your emotions don’t control you.  Letting your heart rule your head may lead you to do something which you’ll later regret, so don’t let the rage and hurt take over.  If you need to, take your anger out on a punching bag at the gym.  You’re still going to feel it, but at least if you have a healthy output for it, it won’t feel so overpowering.

Acceptance

It may take you a few days to get to this point, but when you’re ready you need to accept what happened.  You don’t have a time machine and neither does your wife.  You can’t go back and change what happened so you need to accept that it did happen.  Whether you manage to find out how to forgive a cheating wife or not, you must accept what happened if you want to move on with your life.

  1. Reflect

While you’re taking some time out from your wife to calm down, you should also use this space and time to reflect on your marriage and consider certain things, so that when you speak to your wife again, you are sure of what you want and how to proceed.

Where did your relationship go wrong?

Can you reflect on your marriage and identify any point in your relationship where things became different, where your wife perhaps became quiet or upset?  Did the relationship become tense or strained?  Can you identify any particular moments where you might have guessed your wife was struggling to uphold her vows?  You need to consider if there was any time or times when the relationship started to go wrong in the hope of understanding why your wife might have cheated.

Do you want to forgive your wife?

forgivenessThis is entirely up to you.  It is not easy to forgive betrayal and it is entirely up to you whether you wish to forgive your wife or not.  If you can look at the possible reasons why she cheated and begin to understand it, there may be hope for your marriage, but if you cannot see a single reason why, until now you believed you were both happy and satisfied in your marriage then you may decide you can’t forgive your wife.  Do you have children?  This is often an important factor in whether or not you can understand how to forgive a cheating wife.  If you have children, you may decide to try to forgive your wife for their sake if not for your own.

How do you feel?

You need to validate your feelings.  Think about what you’re feeling now and try to imagine a future where you can get past what happened.  If you can’t and you feel like you can’t ever forgive your wife, you need to walk away.  If you can, then you should take the steps towards forgiving her.

  1. What you shouldn’t do

If you want to forgive your wife for cheating on you and get over the betrayal, there are certain things that you should avoid doing as much as possible.  This will not be easy as many of these things are psychological and therefore difficult to avoid.

Don’t blame yourself

Even if you did something wrong in the relationship or failed to notice that your wife was feeling unhappy or neglected, her betrayal is not your fault.  She alone made the decision to stray, and no matter if you were a bit grumpy or didn’t give her as much attention as she needed, she is the one who broke her marital vows, not you; so while you may forgive her, you should not shoulder the blame for her infidelity; that was her mistake, and hers alone.

Don’t forget your own feelings

While your wife is crying and pleading with you that it was a mistake and it will never happen again, and your children are begging you to please come home, don’t give in to pressure.  Don’t be pressured into returning to your wife before you’re ready and don’t let the misery of your wife and children make you forget your own feelings.  You will forgive your wife and return home when you are ready to, and not before then.

Don’t obsess

As difficult as it may be to stop yourself, don’t obsess over the other man.  Don’t question your wife about whether or not he was bigger than you, stronger than you, better looking than you or better in bed than you.  You don’t want to know, and you’ll drive yourself crazy if you allow yourself to constantly obsess over the man your wife cheated on you with.  It won’t do you any good, it won’t change what happened and it won’t make forgiving your wife any easier, so do your best to forget about him.

  1. How to forgive a cheating wife : start with a conversation

When you have had some time to calm down, accept and attempt to understand what has happened, you need to sit down and have a conversation with your wife to discover where you both stand moving forward.

Be brutally honest

If you want to know how to forgive a cheating wife, don’t tiptoe around or hide how she made you feel; be brutally honest with her about how she hurt you and what you’re thinking and feeling.  If the two of you want to make your marriage work then you’re going to have to keep the lines of communication open from now on, and that starts with you letting your wife know exactly how angry, hurt and disappointed you are by her betrayal.  Don’t try to spare her feelings; she needs to hear this so that she’ll never hurt you this way again.

Let her explain herself

When you’re finished telling your wife how you feel, give her the opportunity to make excuses for herself and explain why she cheated.  Let her give her reasons and explain why she hurt you, and don’t interrupt her, no matter how angry you feel.  If you want to see how to forgive a cheating wife, you need to understand how she was feeling and why she did it.

  1. Try to see her side

forgive your wifeTry to look at your marriage from your wife’s point of view and consider the way she might have been feeling at certain times; now that you’ve given her the chance to explain you’ll know which times or events you need to consider.  Take your wife’s words, thoughts and feelings into account and try to feel some sympathy for her.

Is she committed?

After you’ve considered your wife’s perspective of why she cheated, you should consider her point of view in moving forward.  Is she genuinely sorry for her infidelity?  Is she genuinely committed to making your relationship work?  Can you be sure that this will never happen again?  You know your wife better than anyone, and if you believe wholeheartedly that she regrets what happened more than anything and desperately wants to work on your marriage and get it back on track, then you’ll start to forgive her.  If you think she doesn’t seem too apologetic, or you don’t believe she won’t stray again, then perhaps you should end your marriage now and save yourself a lot of pain.  Remember the old saying: fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

  1. Take your time

This is perhaps the most important piece of advice in this article: take your time and don’t rush the process.  You may be able to forgive your wife right away, but most likely it will take you a long time to rebuild the trust and get back to where you were before.  Don’t let anyone pressure you into fully forgiving your wife before you’re ready and don’t try to pressure yourself.  You will forgive your wife at your own speed and in your own time.  Time heals all wounds and it’s important to stand back and let time work its magic.  Allow your wife to make it up to you and work for your forgiveness.  Let her prove to you that she deserves the second chance that you’ve given her.  You shouldn’t throw her infidelity in her face every time she disagrees with you, but you should keep in mind that you will probably never forget about it; all you can do is forgive her and move past it.

Work on your relationship

While you’re trying to figure out how to forgive a cheating wife and she is trying to be the wife you deserve, the two of you need to work on your relationship.  Make an effort to spend time alone with one another and do things together.  By doing this, you’ll be giving your relationship the best possible chance. You should also make an effort to communicate more openly with one another.  In the future if one of you is feeling neglected, unappreciated or unhappy, you should be able to confide in one another instead of looking for comfort elsewhere.

  1. How to forgive a cheating wife : do it or let go

If you have tried every way imaginable to see how to forgive a cheating wife, and you still can’t seem to let it go, it’s time to consider giving up on the relationship.  Betrayal is one of the most hurtful mistakes a person can make in a relationship and it is no easy feat to forgive.  Infidelity can make a person question everything they thought they knew about their relationship and their partner, and severely damages the trust you have for your significant other.

If you have tried, but you cannot seem to trust your wife; every time she leaves the house you have to know where she’s going, what she’s doing and who she’s with, or every time she gets a text on her phone and doesn’t show you, you immediately assume it’s another man; you will never forgive your wife.  You cannot build a relationship without trust, so if you can’t trust your wife, you have to decide to let go of your marriage.  She has damaged your relationship irreparably, and you can’t even understand how to forgive a cheating wife for her indiscretion.  You will never be able to forgive her for this, so it’s better to cut your losses now and attempt to move on than cause you both a lot of pain in the future.

Although it’s not easy, if you want to, you can forgive your cheating wife for her infidelity.  You should accept that it happened; don’t linger in denial.  Reflect on your marriage and consider what her reasons may have been, then talk to her and allow her to explain herself and apologize.  Try to see things from her point of view and make sure she’s committed to making it work, then attempt to work on your relationship while giving yourself time to heal and forgive her.  Take your time, but if you still cannot trust your wife then accept that the relationship is over and attempt to move on.

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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