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How to contact an ex 5 ways to succeed in this
How to contact an ex can be difficult with awkward silences after a breakup.
You think you have said all you need to say and that’s it over.
Perhaps now you just want to move on
Maybe you can’t maybe you don’t want to.
Perhaps there are things that need saying or questions to ask.
How to contact an ex in that case.
What if you have more to say?
What if you want to apologize to them?
What if you want to try get your ex back?
There is no real right or wrong way to go about how to contact an ex.
But thinking about how the other person will perceive your communications.
Will help you make a better decision and will help in making what you want to say clear .
How to contact an ex : it’s all about the communication
Communications are the very foundations of a solid relationship
And if it was not strong up until now.
Then you have to make an extra effort to overcome that obstacle.
Even if you’re no longer together it’s still possible to contact your ex.
And talk to them about the breakup.
If there issues with effective communication between you check out how to do it better here.
Even if it is to try and convince them to take you back.
But it is best not have this as your first sentence or second for that matter.
It will scare them off.
A breakup in a relationship rarely happens without a reason.
And your ex partner had their reasons, good or bad, to initiate the end of the relationship.
Even if you don’t fully understand these reasons.
Realize that it’s never easy to decide to break up with someone.
Perhaps this is the reason you wish to contact them.
To find closure or get explanations or even give them.
Something had to have pushed your ex to make this decision.
And this proves that they were deeply unhappy.
Reviewing the situation and looking inside yourself is essential.
Essential to understanding your part in the end of the relationship.
In order to no longer continue making the same mistakes in your future relationships.
In order to figure out which parts of your relationships you really need to work on.
You have to understand the breakup, maybe at this stage it is a need.
Because more likely you may not want to.
A need that makes reaching out to an ex essential part in moving on.
And this only happens through communication and good communication at that.
A texted reason might not cover all the angles.
That you may need it to and besides it could be misinterpreted.
And an email by the same token could be misread.
In these cases I find that a person to person conversation can be the best method.
But not necessarily the easiest.
For a start the pain of the break up can be debilitating.
And make the subject heated and touchy.
How to contact an ex have the right mindset
It is important to have the right mindset in how to contact an ex.
By this I mean you both need to be willing and able to give each other the time.
This is where some will say that text if it is a single and direct question can be less invasive.
It can read and answered at a time that suits both the sender and the receiver.
There is also the need to be able to listen to what the other wants to say in a conversation.
That is not an easy part for either of you because of the nature of the topic.
It can be about the reasons for the break up.
And that will involve discussing the pain that caused the breakup for both of you.
And about each of you exposing perceived faults in the other which can cause difficulties.
1. It’s important to identify your objectives before reaching out.
Knowing what you want to say is imperative in how to contact an ex.
You may even want to make some notes if there are some specific areas you don’t want to forget.
The last thing you will want is to be stuck for words flustered and making silly mistakes.
Fail to prepare is to prepare to fail.
Do you want to be friends?
Do you want to apologize?
Do you want to try win them back?
If you want to ask to get together, you can say, “If you are single, I’d love to meet for drinks. But that if you’re with someone else, I respect that.”
Saying something like this will also give you an indication whether they’re still interested in you.
By their response, if any would be considered a positive.
How to contact an ex : keep it light
It might feel like war and peace but it doesn’t have to be written like that.
Don’t be over dramatic or even dramatic for that matter.
Avoid sharing too much emotion in a text or voice-mail.
Sometimes people respond to this kind of honesty.
But it’s best to keep things casual until you meet in person at least.
Remember, upon seeing your ex, you might feel differently about what you want.
You might have thought you want to get back together.
But once you see them, you realize the chemistry just is not there.
Or, you might think you just want to get some things off your chest.
And once you get there, you feel a strong attraction and want to rekindle the old flame.
2. How to contact an ex : Be calm and patient
This goes for trying to make contact in the first place.
Contact with your ex will have history for both of you.
Don’t go making it harder than it already is.
Remember they owe you nothing and are not obliged to even give you the time of day.
So if they are kind enough to grant you an audience be sure to return that kindness.
Be respectful even if things turn sour.
Because that is a distinct possibility considering the background.
Put out feelers
It might have been quite a while since you last spoke to your ex.
A lot of things may have changed for them, and you.
Consider starting small, possibly via social media.
Write your ex a direct message or email.
In it mention the positive things that have happened to you since you last spoke.
Try not to over do it; keep it short, simple and friendly.
Give your ex the opportunity to be friendly back.
3. How to contact an ex be up front and open
Be clear about what you want when you contact them.
When most people get a text message or voicemail from their ex they always wonder.
“What do they want?”
They will be curious to know if you want to rekindle the flame.
As that is usually a thought that crosses any ex’s mind when they are contacted.
Or else just to clear your conscience is another.
Be direct in your communication.
Do not be vague and mysterious it is not the time or place for this.
And could annoy your ex.
If you want to get back together you can call or email and say,
“I’ve been thinking about you recently and wanted to see how you’re doing.
I would love see you and meet for coffee.”
If the goal is to revive interest in your ex, aim to spark their curiosity.
When you see each other, convey the feelings you had when you were together.
Remind them of the good times you had together.
4. If your goal is to clear a guilty conscience
You could say what you need to say, via email or on the phone.
There may be no need to meet in person, so don’t string them along.
This way saves you the pain of facing them with your failings and admitting them.
Also it saves your ex from dealing with pain of the breakup again.
And they will still get some measure of closure and so will you.
Again be clear and concise in your message.
Don’t worry about whether or not they’ll respond.
Even if you’re worried that your ex won’t want to see you.
Or they will have a hostile reaction to contact, don’t let that stop you.
You might be surprised to know that on some level that person might need to hear from you.
If things were left unresolved or unfinished, they may also need a sense of closure.
Many people aren’t comfortable reaching out to an ex for closure.
Or to broach the possibility of getting back together.
Their feelings might still be hurt by behavior from the end of the relationship.
When communication was hostile or avoided at all costs.
If important things were left unsaid, make the move.
Initiate the communication it may not just be you who will feel better for it.
It’s better to try to resolve something than to live with unanswered questions
Don’t wait too long especially if an apology is on the agenda.
It’s important to be truly ready before you contact an ex,
But it’s also best to avoid postponing it for too long.
They won’t be waiting around for you.
They’ll be moving on with their lives.
This doesn’t mean they’ll forget you or resent you.
But if someone else shows up and sweeps them off their feet.
They’re not going to let the memory of you stop them from taking that leap.
5. Do be respectful of their current relationship status among other things
Consider the position you might be putting your ex in.
You might not necessarily know whether they are dating someone else or not.
So you need to consider whose toes you may be stepping on when you make contact.
And how your ex’s significant other might react to that contact.
Think about how you would feel if your partner’s ex contacted them.
You probably wouldn’t even want them to respond.
You might imagine telling the other person off on your partner’s behalf.
Don’t continue to contact them if they don’t respond.
If your ex hasn’t replied to your messages or any other form of communication.
It’s time to chill out.
They may have a dating partner and might not consider it appropriate to pursue further contact.
They might not want any form of communication with you.
Especially if the relationship ended on a sour note they may be still suffering the ill after effects.
Don’t wait and then try again, just stop.
It is best not to badger your ex into communicating with you.
They may just not want to or can’t.
Continuing to try and get in contact will be frustrating for both of you.
You can live with the knowledge that you gave it a shot, and then move on with your life.
You tried as with any communication it takes two and if one does want to you can’t make them.
How to contact an ex in person
If your ex answered back and seems interested in talking further even meeting.
Suggest somewhere you both enjoyed or somewhere both of you have not been together.
Provide more than one idea and let them choose.
If your ex is unavailable to meet in person, or maybe doesn’t live nearby.
Arrange to chat on the phone or over the internet.
Ask them what days and times they are available and give them a call.
Planning it in advance avoids the possibility of not connecting due to busy schedules.
Or maybe at a park or patisserie that has no history with you and your ex?
Pick a location like this for a first meeting so that nothing about the location hinders your relationship moving forward.
If you and your ex tend to have heated communication issues but need to meet and talk.
For example about your children, a public place can help encourage both of you to stay in control of your emotions.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com