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How to get over your ex girlfriend and save your couple
The mind can be a great and funny thing, and it can show you how to get over your ex girlfriend.
You can think the past is behind you like you got over that girl.
Heck you have even moved on with your new sweet honey love.
Then for no particular reason your ex springs to mind .
How to get over your ex girlfriend ?
Most often it is correct to assume.
That the person with whom you start a relationship had former lovers.
And at the start of these relationships people will often get it clear by asking “are you single?”
Another question that people ask is, « Are these past relationships over or not? »
Most people want to feel assured that past loves, romances and marriages are over and done.
Naturally, the one exception is if a man or woman has children with their former partner.
That makes contact with the former partner inevitable and naturally understandable.
Beyond that exception.
Most people would assume a the start of a relationship each partner is free and single.
It is kind of one of the requirements to be able to start a relationship for most people.
Stating the obvious.
Researchers at Stanford University found people tend to “carry a heavier burden from rejection”.
When they feel that who they are as a person has been revealed or exposed.
When we love someone truly we open up to them in an act of vulnerability.
Sometimes this revealing does not get reciprocated.
And few things in life are more traumatic than being rejected by someone we loved.
Someone who knows you intimately and then, with this insight,
Decide that she no longer care for you or wants to be with you.
Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford, said in a statement.
The experience of being left by someone who thought that they loved you.
Then learned more and changed their mind.
Can be a particularly potent threat to the self.
And can drive people to question who they truly are.
How to Get over your ex girlfriend and the heavy burden of rejection
This heavy burden of rejection can be devastating.
Taking its toll on the person and taking some time to get over.
It can take months years or even decades in some cases.
So what can you do to and how to get over your ex girlfriend ?
Sometimes, the reasons why someone can’t get over an ex-partner.
Can be a little more complicated than just the rejection.
Perhaps it is not the heavy burden of rejection but the heavy burden of unrequited Love.
It is hard to accept when someone doesn’t want you anymore.
It is like an attack on your person or your ego.
It can feel like you have failed miserably at something.
And it is really hard to accept when something does not work out between you.
Our lives are an accumulation of our loves as well as our lost loves.
Like the assumption that your partner would have had former lovers.
We can assume that those relationships likewise, did not work out.
Why is it that some can remain in mind, long after they have finished ?
Sometimes we decide who we want to date on the back of that.
And base what we look for on avoiding the failures of previous relationships.
Perhaps instead of focusing on what we did not like about our former lovers.
It might be more helpful to focus on what we liked about how we loved them.
This shift of focus from the picture of our former lovers to how we loved them.
Can be enough to get some distance and to stop bringing them to mind so often.
As the adage goes, we never fall in love the same way twice.
Or with the same person.
And remembering the love instead of the lover can be helpful.
When you are struggling with how to get over your ex girlfriend.
Very few would wish to absolutely obliterate the memories of an ex.
Well maybe there are a few who have tried to block out those memories.
With blackouts brain damage and black label vodka.
That is no way to deal with the pain associated with them.
It is just a substitute for another kind of pain.
The mind can bring in a safety mechanism to deal with those painful memories.
It reminds us of the good memories and fails to balance them with the painful ones.
That accumulation of memories or internal images of lovers contributes to a richer internal world.
These images represent the scope of our loving self.
We are revealed to ourselves through our relationships good and bad.
Maybe in some ways all loves are important in allowing us to experience ourselves as loving.
We are strengthened by the variety of ways in which we can recall ourselves as loving.
But in the end we can be left with an unbalanced view of those relationships in memory.
They can seem better in memory or hindsight.
Than they were in actuality.
The grass may seem greener in memory.
This can be to the detriment of our present relationships.
We can suffer from the actuality of living them.
And the past relationships and partners.
Can be polarized by the recollection of the good times and memories we have of them.
When our present relationships fail to meet our expectations.
We can find and meet those expectations in the past.
Where everything is rosy sweet smelling and without the thorns.
A place where those times, dates, people and places we recall meet those expectations.
They meet our needs and desires without fail.
At least in memory they do, or the way we recall them they do.
A whole world away from the real thing of actually living them.
It is much the same as the way printed photographs started out in the early days.
They required the light to be good, for them to show up properly.
This meant that the majority of photographs were taken on sunny days.
Holidays and days at the beach were the normal subject and framing for them.
But in looking back through the photo albums it was all sunny and light.
No photos of the days you got caught out in the rain and soaked to the bone.
This is the way the mind frames the memories of the ex.
How to get over your ex girlfriend : get a balanced picture
Think positive if it wasn’t meant to be it was not meant to be.
There were obviously reasons why you are not together.
Focus on them .
For every moment you are recalling the pleasant memories of your ex.
Recall some bad memories.
Memories like how she could not cook to save her life.
Or the fact that when she did she used every utensil in the kitchen.
And the way she left you to clean up after the disaster.
Maybe she was too flirty with your mates.
Or caused problems between you and your mates.
Nobody is perfect.
So recalling that aspect of her nature will balance the nostalgic and longing.
How to Get over your ex girlfriend get off social media
Try not to think of the moments you both had.
Start by removing all those pictures on your phone or on the internet.
Social media following of your ex has been shown to bring on increased negative feelings.
Negative feelings like jealousy and resentment.
Increasing these negative feelings is not how to get over your ex girlfriend.
So give yourself a break if you are watching her feeds this will only cause you pain.
If you are still friends as in you can still see her feeds.
But perhaps you two are not on speaking or even texting terms.
It is time to move on away from that medium.
Block, unfollow, unfriend or even set up a new account.
You need to limit the amount of information, time and energy spent given over to her.
And the internet can take as much time as you can give it.
Perhaps you need to start limiting time spent with certain friends that you have in common.
They will only lead you to remember her.
How to get over your ex girlfriend : purge the reminders
Anything that may have her stamp on it the house has to be put away.
This would include letters postcards gifts clothes whatever could remind you of her.
If you are too sentimental, put all in a box seal it and give it to a friend or bring it to your parents.
Just to make sure you do not have access or won’t open that box.
How to get over your ex girlfriend : avoid crossing paths with her
Avoid going to the same places you both used to and start exploring new paths.
This means avoiding the places you may have had dates in.
Or places you may know where she is liable to hang out.
It is time to find new places.
Any place that had memories associated with your ex need to be off limits.
How to Get over your ex girlfriend : new activities
It is time to do the things you always wanted to do.
But you didn’t because she didn’t like the idea, fancy a karate class?
It’s great fun and you will start making a new circle of friends.
It will have the added benefit of keeping you fit and will keep your mind focused.
At least this will be a couple of hours where your ex won’t be in your head.
Unless you want to have it knocked off…
Not keen on the idea of martial arts?
What about a cooking class?
Or any other class for that matter.
The library has always lots of things a person can do.
Cultural exchange learn a new language and so on.
You need to keep your mind from thinking about your ex keep busy, stay occupied.
Stay surrounded by people who care about you.
How to get over your ex girlfriend : focus on your current relationship
Visit all those friends you weren’t able to when you were with your ex.
You can go away for a weekend with your current partner.
Make them the focus of your life.
Weekends away and any activities you can do together.
They are a great way to increase your bond.
Getting out together and doing new things with your current partner.
You must make that effort.
Go shopping together for new wardrobe that can keep the spirits up.
You need to make some changes to make sure the thought of your ex is pushed from your mind.
In order to help with how to get over your ex girlfriend.
How to get over your ex girlfriend : change your mind
Make a conscious decision to change your mind and get over your ex girlfriend.
You will see that each day you will think less and less about your ex.
Until someday soon you will realise that you have not thought of her for days.
And so it will go into the area for memories rarely accessed.
Remember who you used to be before you met your ex.
You were able to live without her then.
And you are still capable of doing the same now.
The most amazing thing about a human being is that we are able to adapt to any environment.
And the mind is a very resilient thing.
That just takes a little training to change.
Studies show that a period of twenty one days of consistent training is enough.
Enough to change thought patterns and habits that you have formed.
To change how we think and even how we feel about things.
It takes time and effort, but you can do it.
A months of holidays trekking in the mountains or jungles would be enough to do it.
The thing is you just have to put your mind to it.
Shift focus on to something else someone else and it is possible.
Any thing is possible if you put your mind to it.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com