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How to get over your ex boyfriend and save your couple
How to get over your ex boyfriend ?
When getting over a breakup can be difficult.
It can sometimes remain on your mind for months or even years after.
It can cause issues in the future relationships.
So what can you do when you move on with someone else.
And still struggle with how to get over your ex boyfriend ?
According to research published in The Journal of Positive Psychology.
It can take eleven weeks to feel better after a relationship ends.
But a separate study found it takes closer to eighteen months to heal from the end of a marriage.
Some have even tried to make a formula to calculate the time necessary to get over a relationship.
And it is speculated to be a third of the length of time you were both in a relationship.
In reality, heartbreak is a grieving process and it looks completely different for everyone.
Essentially being like the saying says that time heals all wounds.
But it is just that the differences are in the length of time taken for that recovery depends on the person.
It is very rarely wrong to think that the person with whom you enter an intimate relationship had former lovers.
On starting that new relationship we also kind of assume that we should not have to ask some questions.
But for a sense of clarity some may ask, « Are these past relationships over or not? »
Most people want to feel assured that past loves, romances and marriages are over and done.
There is a need to be sure.
That we understand the basis on which the new relationship stands.
Naturally, the one exception is if the man or woman has children with their ex partner.
That makes contact with the former partner inevitable and understandable.
But beyond that exception.
What happens if you or your partner are struggling to get over an ex.
Especially if you have moved on to meet and connect with someone else.
The burden of rejection
Stanford University researchers found people tend to “carry a heavier burden from rejection”.
When they feel that who they are as a person has been revealed or exposed.
Few things in life are more traumatic than being rejected by someone who knows you well.
And then, with this insight, decide that she or he no longer cares for you or wants to be with you.
Carol Dweck, professor of psychology at Stanford, said in a statement.
The experience of being left by someone who thought that they loved you.
Then learned more and changed their mind.
Can be a particularly potent and damaging threat to the self.
And can drive people to question who they truly are.
How to get over your ex boyfriend : do not take it personally
More than just the resulting suffering and pain associated with a breakup.
This can lead some to a major breakdown and a personal crisis.
Having implications and ramifications that can plague our dating lives for years or decades to come.
Self esteem can suffer development can stall, and as the questions that it raises don’t get answered.
It can lead to personal complications that impact on others as well as ourselves in the long run.
When we move on into a new relationship it can remain in the back of your mind.
A fissure like in an active volcano.
Always ready to erupt at any given moment.
Ready to destroy everything in its path.
Sometimes, though, the reasons why someone can’t get over an ex partner.
Can be a little more complicated than only just the sting of that rejection.
It can be further complicated by the love we have invested in the person who rejects us and that relationship.
It is hard to accept when someone doesn’t want you anymore.
It can be like a personal attack on the ego.
And you can feel like you have failed at something you wanted so much to work or as a person.
And it is really difficult to accept when something does not work out.
Our lives are an accumulation of our loves, as well as our losses.
And this has to be accepted as part of the course, as a part of life, it is unavoidable.
Sometimes as we move on we make conscious decisions based on those losses.
Who we want and choose to date is based on avoiding those previous failures of relationships.
This can lead to looking for things to avoid rather than what we want.
How to get over your ex boyfriend : focus on the love rather than the ex lover
So perhaps instead of focusing on what we did not like about our former lovers.
It can be more helpful to focus on what we liked about how we loved them.
In taking this approach we shift away from negative externals of the ex.
To positive internal aspects from within ourselves.
This small shift in thinking can help how to get over your ex boyfriend.
By removing him from the picture of love in your mind.
How to get over your ex boyfriend : don’t stalk him on social media
Social media has made it easier for people to keep track of those they know.
And what goes on the net stays on the net.
This persistence of this electronic memory can be an issue when it comes to trying to forget.
It can be a constant reminder of things that sometimes we would rather forget.
And in some cases a constant painful reminder of those we can not forget.
This can be a problem for those who no longer want to know us.
And those who we still retain hidden feelings for.
If you are still kind of observing your ex on social media and maybe you share common friends.
Perhaps you have not removed them from your social media accounts.
And you have not removed the old photos of you as a couple.
The actions of reviewing those photos and times in the past keep you stuck there.
Reliving a time that has finished and is over and done with for the ex but not you.
This will not help with how to get over your ex boyfriend.
You can’t get over your ex because you haven’t removed them fully from your electronic life.
How to get over your ex boyfriend : purge all the little reminders
These persistent remains can haunt your mind as a constant reminder.
Of your lost love or the one that got away.
Common practice in moving on is to purge all tiny reminders from your life.
In order to limit painful exposure and help stop thinking or seeing them again.
In order to achieve some sense of finality.
All things must have an end .
Studies have shown that this kind of behavior especially on social media and the internet.
Is very detrimental to your progress and for your feelings.
It has been shown to actually increase the negative feelings of resentment and jealousy.
So in no uncertain terms if you are watching or still following.
Or even if you still have your ex as a friend on your social media accounts.
It is actually leading to increased negative feelings.
It is something you want to avoid in order to feel better.
Along with making you unwilling or unable to really move on with your life.
Practicing this kind of restraint on social media is the healthy thing to do.
Otherwise it can come back to haunt and hurt you.
If you later see your ex has moved on in the form of another relationship or even marriage.
It can also have a negative impact on your own relationship.
On discovery if can lead you new partner to doubt your commitment to them.
And feel insecure about the relationship itself.
If you and your ex are not talking to each other and it was not a good split.
Why are you even bothering to follow them on social media ?
Then you are doing nothing but continuing to hurt yourself you must realize that.
How to get over your ex boyfriend : limit negative feelings
And those negative feelings like jealousy will continue to create problems for you.
You’ll have mixed emotions, which is common and normal but not at all productive.
You will continue feeling upset and vulnerable.
You may feel the need to talk to someone who can listen to you vent.
If you continue you may require expert help in the form of a counselor or a therapist.
But if you are watching their feeds on social media, get off of it.
How to Get over your ex boyfriend : find some closure
If you have not had closure it can feel like an open wound that never heals.
And It can continue to remain open as you look for causes and explanations.
That may never be shown to be true or false never allowing the healing process to complete.
Maybe your boyfriend just dropped you or just all of a sudden told you it is over.
And did not offer or give you any sort of explanation or reason.
So you have not had that closure that you needed in order to move forward.
Whether it be with relationships, a job or a stage in life.
Getting closure for any significant moment in one’s life is important according to psychiatrists.
Closure means finality, letting go of what once was.
Finding closure implies a complete acceptance of what has happened.
And an honoring of the transition away from what is finished to something new.
To do this, one must grieve the loss, take responsibility for their actions.
Focus on the positives and make a plan for the immediate future.
This will force you to make things happen and move on and this is what you need.
How to Get over your ex boyfriend : focus on your present
You are wondering how to get over your ex boyfriend.
One of the most important steps to take is accepting the decision.
That is is over completely and utterly.
No matter if you made the choice or he did.
Don’t let yourself second guess it.
Stop analyzing the play by play of your past relationship.
Don’t get stuck in the what if’s and buts of hypothetical scenarios.
Stop looking for reasons and explanations where there may be none.
And make a conscious decision to accept the finality of the breakup.
If you are focusing on your past your present will inevitably suffer.
You will be losing time focusing on something you can not change.
And missing all the opportunities your present life has to offer.
This can have knock on effects in all aspects of your life.
Your working life could suffer your social life could suffer.
Your relationships and dating life can suffer most of all.
How to get over your ex boyfriend : focus on your current boyfriend
Your relationship with your current partner may not be perfect.
None of them are perfect, accept the fact they all take work.
And your focusing on the past could be just a way of ignoring that work.
There must be redeeming qualities to your current partner.
Remind yourself of those qualities that attracted you to him.
The nostalgic reminiscing on the greener grass of a failed romance.
Does not bring to mind the warts and all complete picture of the past.
Counter every romantic notion of the past relationship with something you did not like about it.
Surely there are some you may just be zoning in on only the rosy aspects.
Perhaps it was the way he left his stinking trainers in the middle of the floor.
And the way you used to nearly break your neck over them every day.
Perhaps he would make you the butt of his jokes on front of his mates.
Surely there are things that you are not remembering that caused strife within the relationship.
If you can’t recall any your memories are polarized because every relationship has them.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com