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Get over a break up : 14 ways to do it
Who hasn’t had to get over a break up at one point in their life? After months or years of blissful happiness with your significant other, you suddenly find yourself high and dry, back at square one, alone and brokenhearted. It doesn’t matter whether your partner broke up with you or whether you were the one to break up with them, the result is the same. Suddenly, this person who was a constant presence in your life is gone in the blink of an eye, and all that remains is a black hole that threatens to suck you into it with every painful breath you have to take without them.
Maybe you know it was for the best, but that doesn’t make it any easier to get over a break up. All you want is to move on, to forget about your ex as quickly as possible, and to get away from your heartache. You just want to find the light at the end of the tunnel that tells you that even though this break up hurts, it is not the end of the world. You want to find a way to get over the break up as quickly as possible, but without doing anything drastic like having the Men in Black erase your memory. Here are the 14 simple ways we recommend to get over a break up.
Get over a break up
Keep your distance from your ex
This can be easier said than done, especially if you have children with your ex, work with them, or run in the same friendship circles. It is however very important. If they broke up with you, it will be very painful to watch them going about their daily life as if nothing has happened, as if they haven’t just turned your whole world upside down. If you broke up with them, it can be equally difficult if you can see that they are upset and struggling.
Guilt may even lead you to try to get them back, but you know that this isn’t a good idea; you had your reasons for breaking up with them after all. Even if the break up was quite amicable and you and your ex have decided to try to be friends, you still need some distance after the break up, to allow yourself some breathing room, to change how you think about this person, and to attempt to get over them.
Express your emotions
Let it all out
Your first night alone following the breakup is possibly the hardest part. Don’t try to be strong, don’t bottle it all up inside and most importantly don’t do it alone. Call some friends over; after all, they’re bound to be sympathetic, we’ve all had a painful breakup once in our lives. Cry, scream, eat your weight in chocolate, and throw popcorn at the television screaming “Liar!” when Noah tells Allie he loves her. Express your emotions and don’t let them tear you apart from the inside. Allow yourself to wallow in self-pity for this one night; your friends won’t begrudge you that.
However, and although it’s not advisable, if you decide to get drunk, have one of your friends supervise you and keep your phone, you don’t want any drunk dialling incidents on your hands. After your breakup, you’re feeling disappointed, angry, bitter, maybe even depressed. This is normal. Let yourself feel these emotions, don’t try to hide them. You can’t get over a break up until you let yourself feel the pain of it and deal with it. On the other hand, don’t let the screaming and crying and self-pity go on for too long. Try to get it all out in the first few days so that you can start to process the breakup and move on.
Talk to someone
Once you’ve cried and screamed away all your initial shock, anger or disappointment, you may still feel the need to talk about your breakup. But now you can talk about it calmly and rationally. You can say the things that you need to say. Talk about the things you initially couldn’t see past your shock or fury. Maybe you want to speak to your ex. Although this may not be a good idea seeing as you should be trying to keep your distance from him or her. It’s a good idea to speak to a close friend or family member. To discuss what you think went wrong or how you’re still feeling.
While this person may not be able to do anything to help you, just talking it over and saying these things out loud can make it feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders. And it’s good to know that you have all these people, your family and friends around you, to support you and help you get through this difficult time. However, if you find that you’re really struggling to get over a break up, even after weeks or months, it may be a good idea to speak to a professional counsellor.
Release your anger
Maybe your ex cheated on you. Then there’s a monster inside you that wants to roar in anger every time you hear their name, see a photo of them, or even just think about them. Maybe you just really didn’t see the break up coming. It was a total shock to your system that has left you unreasonably furious with your ex. Either way, the result is the same. You still can’t escape your feelings of anger. And you’re afraid you may start to take it out on the people around you.
Here’s my advice: find an outlet for that anger. It won’t do you any good to keep it all burning inside. Or you’re athletic or sporty. Then pour all your anger into a run, or take it all out on a punching bag. If you like video games, press the buttons on the controller so hard your thumbs hurt. Or if music is your passion, bash on your drum kit so hard that anyone in a five-mile radius will need earplugs. The point is, don’t let your anger eat you from inside. Find a way of releasing it before it takes over you.
Try not to think about it
Get rid of any painful reminders
There is nothing more depressing, nothing more likely to make you miserable after a break up than looking around your home and seeing reminders of your former partner everywhere. The photos of the two of you from happier times rest tauntingly on the mantelpiece, the blanket they spent months knitting teases you from the foot of your bed, the teddy bear they won at the local fair mocks you relentlessly.
Get rid of it all. You don’t have to destroy it or throw it out. But you need to put it all in a box and put it away somewhere. Out of sight, out of mind, as the saying goes. You’re never going to get over your break up if there’s another reminder of him or her right before your eyes every time you look around. Similarly, delete their texts and emails, even their number if you have to. If you want to get over a break up, you need to put it out of your mind as much as possible. You can’t do that if there are photos of your ex all over your house. Besides, getting rid of all these reminders can be very freeing. It will make you feel like you can breathe again and give you a real chance to make a fresh start.
Spend time with friends and family
You’re going to need as much help and support as possible to get you through this break up. Since your ex is no longer around, make the most of this by spending more time with your friends and family; they know better than anyone how to make you laugh, how to distract you, how to make you feel loved, and their support is one of the key elements that will help you get over your break up. Go visit your parents, meet your brother for coffee, go shopping with your sister, go out to dinner with your work colleagues, and go to parties with your friends. Don’t sit at home alone wallowing in self-pity, staring at the empty space on the sofa where your ex used to sit beside you, this is possibly the worst thing you could do. Surround yourself with people you love and who love you.
Enjoy your life
Get a pet
So you’re spending as much time away from the loneliness of your home as possible. Visiting your parents and going out with your friends. But at the end of the day, you still have to come back to a cold, empty house. This is making your ex’s absence all the more obvious. Why don’t you get a pet? It doesn’t have to be an animal that needs a lot of care. For instance, it could just be a goldfish . It would still be something that makes coming home in the evening a little more worthwhile.
However if you are able to have a pet that needs a little more care, cats and dogs can be great company to a person. They do say a dog is a man’s best friend after all. Cats and dogs have a lot of love to give. Therefore, you may find that you can pour all the love that you poured into your relationship into your new pet instead. They are certainly a cure for loneliness and somebody to talk to. (Although I strongly recommend getting professional help if they suddenly start talking back!) In addition to all that, a pet is a great way to help you meet new people when the time comes.
Go on holiday
The daily grind can be a real drag when we’re trying to get over a break up. Going to work, coming home, eating dinner and watching television didn’t seem so boring when we had someone to do it all with. But now that our ex is gone, it all just seems so depressing and mind-numbing. There is nothing better for the mind and body than taking yourself off to somewhere hot. For instance, lying in the sun while your broken heart recovers.
Sometimes all we need is a little rest and relaxation to get ourselves back on track. So if you can, take a little break from reality. Go somewhere nice and sip cocktails in the sun. Or go discover a new city and spend your days exploring famous landmarks. Escaping reality for a week or two, relaxing or having adventures may be just what you need to heal your broken heart. Or if nothing else, it will give you a sunnier outlook on life and a more positive attitude. It will help you get over a break up faster. (Warning: if you do go on holiday, make sure there’s someone who can look after your pet!)
Take up a new hobby
Often the best way to get over a break up is by distracting yourself. If you don’t have time to think about the break up, it doesn’t hurt as much. So why not take up a new hobby? This can help you to get out of the hous. Be proactive. Discover a talent you never knew existed. Or even just meet new people. You could take up a sport. Running, cycling, football, going to the gym… This is not just a great way to fill the long, solitary hours. But is also great for your physical and mental health, your physical attractiveness. It will tire you out and help you to get a great night’s sleep. If sport doesn’t sound like your idea of fun, try something else. Skydiving, cooking, learn to play an instrument or speak Swahili…
Trying new things will not just provide you with a distraction or give you a reason to get some fresh air. It will also give you something to talk about when you start meeting new people, dating. Or even if you have run into your ex by chance and want to prove to them that you’re doing just fine and moving on without them. Trying new things is a great way to help you get over a break up.
Throw yourself into your work
In keeping in line with the idea of distracting yourself, throwing yourself into your work or studies is also a great way of tiring yourself out and reducing the time you have left to think about your ex. So focus on your work, make a special effort to do it to the best of your ability and be more proactive in your job. Who knows? Maybe even your boss will notice and consider you for a promotion!
Set yourself goals
Setting goals and achieving them is a great way to keep yourself focused and looking to the future, in other words it stops you from looking back and thinking about your break up. So think of something you’ve always wanted to do, set yourself a time limit, and do it. Learn to cook like Jamie Oliver, write a novel, run a mile… It doesn’t matter what it is, the important thing is that you’re setting yourself a target to achieve, and the sense of achievement you feel when you finally manage to reach your goal will really help you to get over a break up.
Are you getting tired of feeling sorry for yourself? Tired of feeling like your life is over? You know you should feel incredibly lucky, after all you still have your friends, your family, your home, your health… There are plenty of people out there who are much less fortunate than you, so why not take advantage of your own pain and channel it into helping others? Volunteer at a care home or charitable organisation. Spend some time helping people who really need it and you’ll soon start to feel very grateful for the things you’ve got in life.
Soon you’ll realise that all the hurt from your break up seems totally insignificant when compared with the problems others face. And once you start to look at your break up in this way, more like a glitch in your system than a full scale control override, it won’t be long until you’re totally over it. You may even start to feel proud of yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that. Take pride in knowing that you’re a good person who is always happy to help other people.
Look to the future
See other people
As daunting as this may seem, dating and starting to see other people will help you get over a break up. You may not feel ready, and that’s okay. Go for coffee or out to dinner with a few different men or women. Get used to flirting and hitting on people again. Especially if it’s been a long time since you were single. Practice makes perfect. So use this opportunity to practice as much as possible.
This, so that when you do feel ready, your technique is up to scratch. Go out with other people, it can’t hurt to window shop and see what’s on the market these days. Challenge yourself to chat someone up at the nightclub on Friday night. Download the latest dating app and create a profile. You may even come to realise that your ex really wasn’t the right person for you. And above all else, seeing other people will help you to regain some confidence in yourself. As well as your ability to attract the opposite sex. Seeing other people will make you feel attractive, sexy, powerful… Feelings that will help you to get over a break up.
Remember that the best is yet to come
Last but certainly not least. Make an effort to smile and laugh more, even if it feels like you’re crying on the inside. Don’t give in to total despair. This may be a case of faking it ‘til you make it but that’s okay. Keep smiling, and somewhere along the line, that smile will become genuine. Even if your ex was a big part of your life up until now, he or she is not anymore. And there’s nothing you can do about that.
Try to remind yourself that they are the past, you have a bright future to look forward to. You should remember that the best may still be to come. There may be a tall, dark and handsome stranger waiting just around the corner for you. You never know! Some day you’ll come to understand that it didn’t work out with your ex because he or she wasn’t right for you. Which means that the person who is right for you is still out there. Keep looking to the future. What is for you will not go by you.
Now, ready to get over a break up !
So there they are. The fourteen things you can do to help you overcome your break up. You have to grieve for your lost relationship and allow yourself to feel sad or hurt or angry. But only for a little while, before taking a proactive approach and distracting yourself from the hurt or anger and the sudden absence of your loved one. And finally you have to come to terms with the break up, and do things that force you to look towards the future. A future that your ex will not be a part of. Also, a future that is well within your grasp if you just reach out to it. And a future that may be even better than you could possibly imagine.
It is by coming to terms with the end of your relationship and focusing on the future and what is yet to come that you will allow yourself to get over your break up. As difficult as it may seem, with some time and space and the support of the people closest to you, you will get over it.Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com