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What the Small Steps method tells you to get back with your ex


Break ups don’t always have to be forever.

Exes tend to get back together more than you think.

That is what the Small Steps is about how to get back with your ex.

It does take time patience and perseverance.

To get back with your ex is not up to one person alone.

Hopelessly wooing the other in true romantic comedy fashion.

 

A break up can be so dis heartening in life in general for the couple involved.

The cliche images of the people involved can be an oversimplification to say the least.

A pint of ice cream with cookie dough a box of tissues and a duvet on the couch.

Or weekender of mind bending amounts of alcohol.

That usually end with the eyes watering and being sick.

No I am not crying it is just ….

 

Well that does not really help anyone or really mean anything.

Whereas the small steps method is a tried and tested means.

To aid recovery of the love of your life for you.

If you want to get back with your ex there is no better way than Small Steps.

 

Give your partner actual space.

 

Never say never, sometimes a little space and time is all you need.

Then you both realize the break up was just a horrible mistake.

However, always go back into a failed relationship with eyes wide open as opposed to shut.

Ignoring previous problems in the hope that everything will be wonderful this time around.

Is really just looking for trouble.

 

If you are about to rekindle an old flame.

It is a good idea to take some time to evaluate what went wrong

the first time around.

 

For most cases the phrase ‘flogging a dead horse’ comes to mind

However there are always exceptions to the rule.

And new research shows that more couples are making it work with an ex.

 

But this really depends on the couple.

If both people are willing to work hard, forgive and nurture their relationship.

Then it definitely can have a better chance to work.

Both partners need to be completely on the same page

and the lines of communication need to be well and truly open.

People can to get back with your ex to stop feeling so lonely,

and that is one of the main reasons people return to exes is fear.

 

People get back with exes because they want safety and familiarity.

It is the fear of going back to the dating scene,

being open and vulnerable in a new relationship.

Or worse being heartbroken in a totally new relationship.

 

Studies also list financial concerns and unresolved feelings.

As other reasons some people may go to an ex.

People seek the safety of a comfortable financial situation.

That a particular relationship may afford.

Other times when someone returns to an ex.

It can be that there’s still something left unresolved.

Or some additional lesson they need to learn in that relationship.

 

To get back with your ex hold off on the bad mouthing.

 

Yes in the immediate aftermath of breaking up your mind can go to funny not so funny places.

People can go a little crazy to put it mildly.

The emotional melting pot that is the mix of your head and your heart fighting for dominance.

Can lead to some pretty outrageous behavior for some.

 

It can be motivated by any number of things fear jealousy hatred and love.  

Even social media can be the cause for and even an outlet for some wild ass crazy ex rants.

What can these people be thinking ?

Most likely they have taken a hiatus in that department.

Temporary insanity yes it is a thing.

 

Any way if you are looking to get back with your ex do not indulge in this type of behavior.

It will make you look mad bad and dangerous to know.

And it will not assist you in your quest to get back with your ex in any way shape or form.

So do not do it no matter what the circumstances are.

 

It does not matter that he or she is now dating your friend.

Who caused the break up with their little stories in the first place.

Control your temper and your words.

You will never regret being kind.

Especially online where you must remember nothing is ever forgotten.

And it can haunt you forever and a day.

 

Put yourself in your ex’s shoes.

Would you like it if someone you cared about spoke badly about you to all of your friends.

Inundated you with an avalanche of angry messages.

Or worse still revealed secrets you had told them in a vulnerable state to the world ?

Most certainly you would not so do not do it.

 

Change your life before seeing if your ex fits into it.

 

Ok so your life has undoubtedly changed.

And sometimes it will seem like it is not for the better.

So make other changes needed to make your life that much better for you.

Some people can take what might seem like a tragedy

and turn it into an opportunity.

And that is what you need to do at this point.

 

You have been presented with this time of change.

Do you embrace it and make the best of it?

Or rail against it and fight to have things back the way they were before.

When in fact you know in your heart and soul that things were not perfect.

And you knew that things needed to change big time anyway?

 

You need to assess what went wrong in the relationship and correct them for a start.

Then there is the little matter of a mindset that is down in the dumps.

That needs to change.

Then there is the matter of how you appear to your ex right now.

And that is on two fronts their mental image of you and the physical image of you.

 

The mental image of you was probably the last time you saw them in person.

It was in all likelihood not good.

If it was the break up things were probably said and done.

That turned you from a lover to an ex lover

possibly to a hater in a matter of seconds.

 

The physical aspects of this will take a little more time and effort to change.

You can do the makeover part quickly.

I mean how quick can you get a new set of clothes and a haircut.

And that will improve your chances.

But beyond that you will want to appear cleaner, buffer, in better shape generally.

That kind of thing take a little more time.

 

Hitting the gym hard will not only make you look better.

But it will make you feel better about yourself.

So that is definite bonus points in the small steps path to get back with your ex.

 

 

Assess if your issues are actually fixable.

 

The issues that caused the break up need to be addressed and laid to rest if they can at all.

I mean there are some issues like abuse or infidelity,

which are very hard to overcome but not impossible.

With the right attitude and a willingness on both parties sides they can be dealt with.

 

Usually the professional help of a counselor or couples therapist

can greatly increase those chances of success.

Beyond those extreme cases a good deal of careful consideration

and a lot of in depth thinking will help you come to a decision.

Whether or not you should try to get back with your ex.

 

As to whether or not the issues are possible to overcome.

If you broke up because a job took a partner into a new city and long distance was difficult.

Then the problem may be fixed if one or both partners are willing to make a sacrifice.

 

That would not be the end of it you would still have to have

an open and frank discussion with the ex.

They would have to feel they same way you do about the issues

and their associated proposed solutions.

 

And that depends on the couple entirely.

If two people are willing to work hard,

forgive and nurture their relationship, then it definitely can work.

Both partners need to be completely on the same page

and the lines of communication need to be well and truly open.

 

It’s a bad idea to get back with an ex if there’s any unfinished business hanging over your heads.

If there was a particular reason why your relationship failed previously.

Then it is a good idea to establish some mutually agreed ground rules,

about certain behaviors beforehand.

 

Forgive and forget to get back with your ex

 

You absolutely must leave the past in the past.

Learn from it by all means but do not bring it up in the heat of an argument.

Opening up old wounds for the sake of a quick win

will only damage your chances of making things work.

 

To try again you must be willing and able to move on.

If you are to have any hope of having a stable loving future together.

This is especially true for cases that involve infidelity.

Usually it makes it very hard to trust one another.

 

Don’t overthink how you approach them.

 

Once you’ve decided that trying to get back together feels right,

and you are pretty sure that they are not dating anyone else.

It is time to open up for the talk.

It will probably feel a little awkward at first.

But the main thing to remember is to do what feels right for the relationship.

 

For long term partnerships,

it is suggested being more upfront and honest about missing the person

and hoping to meet with them.

For shorter term relationships or fizzled out dates.

It is recommended to keep it simple and just asking them if they are free to hang out.

 

Keep the actual meetup spot casual.

 

Although your old familiar bar with the dim lighting and velvet booths

feels like a safe bet and romantic.

It is probably not ideal or the best solution for this situation.

 

Instead something like an afternoon coffee is fine.

There are not high expectations cause these can be killers on the meetup.

Best to leave them out of this meeting anyway they will lead you to disappointment.

Your partner will not feel pressured to stay too long if they feel uncomfortable at a cafe.

Plus, an open ended, sober daytime hang lets you be clear headed

and honest about how you feel without any pressure.

 

You never can tell may be in your mind the idea of a reunion is ideal and romantic.

Then in person the whole vibe and spark could be gone and realize that it is a wash out.

 

To get back with your ex Redress the issues first.

 

If there are any issues that need clarification.

Or anything you would like to apologize for to your partner, do that early on.

Clear up the issues so that your partner can tell you have given this some thought.

And that it is not a spur of the moment decision to reignite the spark of a relationship.

 

End things on some great memories.

 

So you have sufficiently covered everything you have reflected on in your time apart.

You will have built a solid case to get back with your ex.

And your ex will have had their say and given their verdict.

Maybe they are super into it or may be they are dead set against the idea.

Either way, you should leave them with a little reminder of the good times of your relationship.

 

You always want to end this type of conversation on a positive note.

A memory you will always cherish and never forget.

Or may be why you are still happy your partner entered into your life.

If you love them enough to want to get back with your ex again,

you should try to view at your past with zero regrets, regardless of the final decision.

 

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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