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How to get back with an ex: 5 steps to success
Too often a break up sneaks up on you out of the blue and all you want is to know how to get back with an ex. Your ex has broken up with you, for whatever reason, in whatever way. But you are sure he/she is the only one for you. Even if he/she can’t see it right now. You are confident that the two of you are meant to be together. Even if you’ve hit a bump in the road.
So what can you do to get your ex back and get your relationship back on track? Here are the 5 tried and tested steps you should follow if you want to put your break up behind you and think of how to get back with an ex.
Questions to ask yourself before knowing how to get back with an ex
However, before you launch into your attempt to get your ex back, there are a couple of very important questions you need to seriously consider if you want to avoid causing both yourself and your ex a lot of trouble and pain.
Are you absolutely sure that you want to get back with your ex?
This is not something that should be decided in the immediate aftermath of the break up. Take a few days to think about it, mull it over in your mind and discuss it with someone close to you. Did you have a lot of difficulties in your relationship? Did you fight a lot? Are you and your ex very different people? Were there a lot of things you didn’t see eye to eye on? Consider making two lists of the reasons why you should think of how to get back with an ex. As well as the reasons why you should not get back with your ex. This could help you to weigh up the pros and cons of getting back together with your ex and perhaps show you if your relationship is really worth saving.
Make sure that you want to get back with your ex for the right reasons too; don’t try to get him/her back because he/she makes better pancakes than you do, try to get him/her back because you truly love him/her and believe he/she is the right person for you. If you have thought long and hard about these things, and you are still absolutely sure that you want to get back with your ex, then ask yourself this second question:
Have you got a legitimate chance in succeeding in getting your ex back?
You need to be brutally honest with yourself. Take a step back and try to look at your situation objectively, as if you’re an outsider who has no personal interest in the outcome. How long were you with your ex? If it was less than a few months you may need to seriously reconsider your reasons for wanting him/her back. Is it really because you love him/her? Or is it because your pride and ego were hurt by the break up? Equally if you have been with your partner for more than three years you should take another look at your situation. If you had been together for so long then it’s likely that your partner put a great deal of thought into their decision before he/she ended your relationship and it may be very difficult, and maybe even unwise, to attempt to change his/her mind.
How did our relationship end ?
You also need to consider the circumstances in which your relationship ended. Were you unfaithful? Was he/she? Is he/she already seeing someone else? You need to ask yourself these questions and if, from an objective point of view, you don’t think you have any real chance of succeeding, then perhaps you should decide not to attempt to get back with your ex. On the other hand, if you decide that you do have a chance at getting your ex back, you also need to consider why the relationship ended. Did you both keep coming back to the same argument? Did you have irreconcilable differences? In this circumstance, you need to realise that even if you manage to get your ex back, the reconciliation may only be temporary and you may end up causing a lot more hurt in the not so distant future.
So you are 100% sure that this is what you want. You’ve thought about how to get back with an ex over and over. Taken into account all the reasons why your relationship may have ended and where it could go in the future and time and again you’ve come back to the same conclusion: you want to get back with your ex. Great! Here are the five steps you should follow in order to succeed:
Accept the break up before thinking of how to get back with an ex
This may seem counterproductive and entirely contradictory to the title of this article but in fact the very first thing that you should do is accept the break up. Accept that it happened and leave it behind you. If you want to get back with your ex you can’t keep looking back to the past, searching desperately for a reason and questioning what you did wrong. You need to accept the past and the break up, and look to the future. If you succeed in getting back with your ex you’re going to have to think about it as a brand new relationship, not your old one, so you may as well start thinking about it that way right now.
Try not to react badly
Obviously this is easier said than done, especially if the break up comes very unexpectedly. For most of us, our natural reaction is to cry, shout, plead, argue, question why… But you should try to avoid doing these things, firstly because they may make you seem very unattractive to your ex. The next time you see your ex you want him/her to remember all the good times you had together, to think of you as the person they first fell in love with, not a crying, pleading wretch, begging on your knees for them to reconsider.
Similarly, shouting and screaming at them and insisting on an explanation will not do you any good in the long run. Your ex has made their decision, don’t try to push him/her to change his/her mind, you’ll just make him/her very uncomfortable. As difficult as it may be, the very best thing you can do is to accept the break up with dignity, agree with your ex, say, “Yes, you’re right. Our relationship has not been great lately. Perhaps we do need some time apart”, even if you don’t really believe it.
There is no shame in expressing your emotions, but wait until you’re alone or with family and friends. You need to breakdown, release all your misery and frustration and get it out of your system and that’s okay. However you should try not to do it in front of your ex. It will only make him/her feel guilty or pity for you, and make your attempt to get back with him/her more difficult.
Radio Silence, the solution to know how to get back with an ex ?
Radio Silence is a technique devised and perfected by the creators of GMEB and which has a great track record of success. Employing this simple technique will have a lot of personal benefits as well as helping you in your endeavor to get back with your ex. It will also help you to use your time apart from your ex wisely.
What is Radio Silence?
The clue is in the name. Radio Silence means that you are going to drop completely off your ex’s radar. He/she is not going to see you, speak to you or hear anything at all from you.
How is Radio Silence employed?
You have to sever all ties with your ex. You need to stop walking up and down the street outside their building or workplace in the hope that you’ll run into them, you need to stop calling or texting him/her and stop emailing. If you find this too difficult you may need to delete their number or email address. If you have social media you may need to block them from your friends in order to avoid the temptation to message them. As difficult as it may seem, your ex cannot see you or speak to you during this period, and you cannot see or speak to him/her.
For how long?
For as long as it takes. Usually a week or two will suffice, but if the relationship ended badly or you didn’t react well to the break up you may want to give it a little longer. However, don’t wait too long. If you wait for months then it’s likely that your ex will have moved on and forgotten about you!
Why use Radio Silence?
There are a lot of benefits to using Radio Silence, for you and for your relationship. A period of Radio Silence gives you a little time and breathing room to come to terms with the break up and recover a little. It gives you time to reflect on the relationship, to think about what went wrong and how you might begin to fix it. Also, it allows you the time you need to improve your mentality and your appearance. To make you more attractive you your ex when you finally see him/her again. It gives you a chance to work on yourself, to do the things you’ve always wanted to do, to become the best possible version of yourself.
As for getting back with your ex, Radio Silence is a very effective technique to make your ex miss you. If you cut off contact with your ex for a week or two, he/she is going to become curious as to what you’re doing, who you’re spending time with, how you’re doing… You need to give your ex a chance to notice your absence in his/her life and miss your presence, Radio Silence is perfect for this.
Get back in contact
After a week or two of radio silence, it’s finally time to get back in touch with your ex. After your long silence they are more likely to respond, firstly because of the shock factor, their surprise at your calling after hearing nothing from you for a long time, and secondly because they will be very curious about what you’ve been up to.
How to get back in contact
Seeing your ex face to face with no prior warning is not a good idea. It is too much too soon and turning up unexpectedly would make you seem too desperate, ruining all the good work of your Radio Silence. On the other hand, texting, emailing or messaging via social media seems too casual, too impersonal. So the best method of contact is by telephone.
So you dial your ex’s number, it rings. Eventually you hear you’re ex’s surprised “Hello?”
What to say
What do you say now? You need to be prepared before you call your ex. Plan and practice what you’re going to say to him/her. The main thing is to keep the call as brief as possible. Call them up, ask them how they are or what’s new with them. Be friendly and casual and don’t mention the break up if you can avoid it. Tell him/her some small positive thing that has happened in your life recently. This will give him/her the impression that you haven’t been crying into your pillow every night pining after him/her (even if you have been) and that you’re doing well.
The final thing you want to do is suggest a meeting. Be as casual and aloof as you possibly can, but don’t be vague. Don’t say, “Do you want to do something this weekend?” Be specific; say “Would you like to have coffee with me this Saturday?” If he/she says yes, that’s great! You’re well on your way to getting back with your ex. If he/she says no, accept their answer graciously, move on and end the call as soon as possible. Go back to Radio Silence for a week or two before trying again. If you get the same result the next time you call, go back to Radio Silence for another two weeks. If on your third attempt the result is the same, it’s time to give up and move on.
In any case, make sure you are the one who ends the call. You are in control here. Keep the call as brief as possible and let your ex believe that you are in demand, that you are busy and not available to him/her whenever he/she pleases.
Your first meeting since the break up is going to be an important milestone in getting back together with your ex. At this meeting you need to show him/her exactly why he/she should take you back, without explicitly saying it. But why is it such an important step in how to get back with an ex ?
How to get an ex back when meeting him/her for the first time ?
Show your ex what they’re missing. When your ex sees you for the first time since the break up, make sure you’re looking better than ever. Get a haircut and wear clothes that you bought after the break up that you know look good on you. Show your ex that you’re taking care of yourself. When the conversation allows for it, casually mention the things that you’ve been doing to work on yourself and improve your mentality. Be careful to do this subtly. It must be clear that you’re doing those things for you, not for your ex.
Where should the meeting take place?
Make sure that the place you choose for the meeting is a neutral environment. This means you should avoid suggesting your ex’s favourite bar or the restaurant where you had your first kiss. You want to keep the atmosphere light and avoid tension at all costs. For this reason, it is also better to avoid places that will make the meeting seem too much like a date. Avoid romantic candlelit dinners. Instead choose to simply have coffee or lunch, something that will limit the length of the meeting. Don’t give your ex time to get bored of you.
When should the meeting happen?
When you’re calling your ex to suggest a meeting, prepare yourself. Be sure to suggest a date at least four days in advance. If your ex tries to suggest that same day or the next day, refuse, tell him/her that you’re busy. Waiting for at least four days not only gives your ex the impression that you’re very busy and in demand. It also has the added bonus of giving your ex the opportunity to look forward to your meeting, to anticipate it.
Be the one to end the meeting. Don’t let it drag on, keep it short and sweet. Your meeting should be like an essay, or a skirt. Long enough to cover all the main points but short enough to keep things interesting. An hour is enough time to achieve this. After that time, tell your ex there’s somewhere you have to be, something you have to do. Make your excuses and leave. Leave them wanting more…
Avoid mentioning your break up or your hopes of how to get back with an ex during this first meeting. If your ex brings it up and suggests that it’s something he/she may want then great! You’ll get back with your ex in no time! If not, don’t bring it up. Try to avoid discussing your relationship and your break up at all.
How to get back with an ex, success or failure ?
The final step in your endeavour to know how to get back with an ex is recognising your success or conceding your failure. You need to be able to identify when your ex is ready to talk about getting back together, or when it’s time to admit defeat and move on.
After several successful casual meetings, your ex may already bring up the topic of your relationship. Then congratulations, you’ve succeeded in getting back together with your ex. If not, it may be that he/she is too nervous to bring it up. Otherwise, perhaps you’ve been spending some time together. Your ex never seems to be in a rush to end these meetings or indeed seems keen to keep them going. Then don’t be afraid to be the one to broach the subject. Casually ask, “I’ve been thinking recently about us getting back together, what do you think?”.
If your ex hasn’t hesitated to spend time with you then it’s likely that he/she is feeling the same way. He/she will probably answer in the affirmative. However if your ex answers negatively, at least you have an answer. And now you can move on knowing that you did your best. Perhaps you and your ex will even remain friends.
Being able to recognise failure is an important step in attempting to get back with your ex. If, after your Radio Silence, he/she is reluctant to take your calls or refuses to meet with you, it is likely that he/she does not want to get back together with you and will not be persuaded otherwise. You need to be prepared to walk away from the relationship. To acknowledge that its failure was not just your responsibility, but your ex’s too. Also, be prepared to accept that perhaps you just weren’t meant to be together. You need to be able to accept failure, to look to the future and move on to bigger and better things.
Getting back together with an ex can be a risky business. You miss your ex and you want him/her back. But you also want to avoid causing you both any more hurt than you’ve already experienced. By following these five steps you give yourself every chance of getting your ex back while also preparing yourself for the fact that you may fail. So accept the break up. If you and your ex are going to try again, you need to treat it as a whole new relationship anyway. So it doesn’t do either of you any good to dwell on the past.
Employ the Radio Silence technique. When you’re ready, get back in touch with your ex. Arrange a meeting and take things slowly from there. If your ex is interested in getting back together, he/she will let you know verbally or through their actions. If not, there is no shame in accepting failure and walking away. As Winston Churchill once said: Success is not final; failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com