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Forget my ex : 5 tips to never think about your ex
The thing about trying to forget my ex.
Is when you are trying to forget.
You are recalling the very thing you want to forget.
It is a catch 22 kind of situation.
And nothing can keep you from a happier future like lingering relationship pain.
To “forget my ex” you need to do something else, anything else, but think.
In a famous psychological study from the 1980’s.
A group of subjects were told to think about anything but whatever they did.
They were not supposed to think about a white bear.
Guess what they all thought about?
A white bear.
Memories are fickle and they can change over time.
Like for instance after breaking up you may think you hate them with a vengeance.
Then love them with all your heart.
Romanticizing and viewing the relationship through those rose tinted glasses.
Because our mind is trying to heal our heart.
The painful memories often get shifted to the background.
And we find ourselves remembering and longing for the good times.
We forget who the person really was and idealize who we wanted them to be.
1 To « forget my ex » : change your mind
It takes about 30 days approximately to form new neuro pathways in one’s mind.
So the best thing to do is to get busy to change your mind.
Packing your day with new activities is an easy means to distract your thoughts .
Most people sink into depression when a relationship ends.
This is especially true for the person who was dumped.
Doing things you like to do with other people will lift your mood.
And distract your mind from brooding about the relationship.
Exercise is always a great way for this.
It has been shown to lift the mood of persons suffering depression.
Clearing out clutter is also a great way to feel better fast.
Clearing the things that remind you of them will help forget my ex and in moving on.
You’ll feel a sense of accomplishment and recharged when you finish.
Another great thing to do is to travel to get away.
Plan a weekend away with friends to a new place you have never been.
Write a list of things you would like to do that perhaps you have been putting off.
You are free, so go do these things.
In 30 days, who knows you could have discovered new skills or talents you never knew you had.
And a fresh perspective on the relationship and a fun new life.
To « Forget my ex » and get your them out of your system, you have to create new memories.
If you still visit the same places as you did together in the past.
You will need to find a new places that you’ve never been before.
But this time do it with your loved ones and friends.
Eat foods you’ve never tasted before.
Try a different sport.
Do something you never thought you’d do.
Like bungee jumping, skydiving, ziplining, rock climbing, or anything else!
As you create new memories, you will have a better chance to “forget my ex”.
In the process, you’ll discover many more things that you are capable of.
Things you never thought you could do.
2 In order to « Forget my ex » cut all contact.
You will need to do this at least for a little while.
You do not need to be friends.
Keeping an ex in your life is not by itself a sign of maturity.
Knowing how to take care of yourself and your emotional well-being is.
Many people hang on to the idea of friendship with an ex.
As a means to keep the possibility of the relationship alive
Because the idea of completely letting go seems too overwhelming.
Depending on the situation, a friendship may eventually be possible in time.
Being friendly won’t happen in a real way until you have thoroughly healed.
Being your own best friend is what is most important right now after a break-up
That means not putting yourself in difficult situations that don’t leave you feeling good.
When you are hurting, you are vulnerable.
Protecting yourself with healthy boundaries is an essential part of looking after yourself.
Politely let your ex know you need your space.
And that you would prefer not to be in contact for the time being.
Your ex might still want to contact you even after breakup.
If this happens, it will certainly make it more difficult to « forget my ex ».
Be respectful but mindful of your needs.
You can change your number.
Block or delete their number altogether from your contact list.
If you memorized the number, you will really have to discipline yourself.
And try your best not to contact them.
Try to memorize other important phone numbers.
Keep busy so you won’t even have time to think of contacting them.
In time once you stop using it, you’ll be surprised how quick you forget their phone number.
Unfollow him or block them on all your social media accounts.
Don’t spend time looking at theirs either it only results in bad feelings.
And delete all your old messages and emails.
So you can’t spend any time going through them.
Get a new email address to make the new leaf even more effective.
The urge to contact them will wane over time until soon you won’t remember them at all.
If you must remain in contact because of children or other shared obligations.
Remember that there is a distinction between being friendly and being friends.
True friendship means two people care about each other’s well being.
And that they have one another’s best interest at heart.
Usually by the time many relationships end.
The expectation that someone who didn’t treat you well.
While you were together will be capable of being a true friend afterward.
Can set you up to continue being hurt.
By choosing to be friendly means you can, acknowledge the love you shared.
And honor that time in your life by treating the other person with respect.
Hopefully they will reflect that sentiment, if not you will never regret being respectful.
3 Make peace with the past
When someone treats you poorly or does something hurtful.
It is a natural and healthy reaction to feel some anger.
Anger helps you be aware of situations that are not in your best interest.
It can facilitate the separation process from an unhealthy relationship.
But when we hold on to anger and resentment from past experiences.
We take them with us into the future as unnecessary “baggage”.
Nothing hurts more than when someone you love does something that causes you to question that love.
And who you believed them to be.
When someone betrays trust, it is painful.
But by letting what they did limit your ability to move forward
It means they still exert an element of control in your life.
Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone else off the hook for their bad behavior
It is about you gaining emotional freedom.
Learning to forgive and make peace with the past.
Can happen more easily when you take your focus off of the specific events that occurred.
And instead try to see the other perspective of the people involved.
Most people don’t act with the intention of directly hurting someone else.
It may just be a consequence.
Generally, they make decisions intending to make themselves feel better.
It is in our nature as human beings to operate from our own self-beneficial perspective.
And the impact of our actions on others is often a secondary consideration.
It does not make it right, it is not condoning the actions.
But sometimes seeing the other perspective can help you understand the events better.
And makes them less personal.
It can also be easier to forgive someone when you see them as a whole person.
If you find yourself stewing in anger over something that someone else did or didn’t do.
Try to pull back and remember the good qualities you saw in them when you first met.
Recognize that we all have flaws and we all make mistakes.
4 To « Forget my ex » love yourself more
Ultimately, in moving on from a relationship break up is about loving yourself.
For some, this is the hardest part, but it should not be.
You need to start believing that you deserve to be in a loving relationship with someone.
Someone who shares your values and treats you well.
It requires that you view yourself in a positive light.
This may be hard in your current situation.
If just the thought of this perspective seems daunting for you.
Because your thoughts are filled with negative criticism, self doubt, or self loathing.
You may need to seek the help of a professional.
You can’t expect someone else to treat you better than you treat yourself.
You know what they say how can anyone love you if you don’t love yourself first.
And it it crucial at this point.
Self forgiveness is also an important part of self love.
In hindsight like everyone, there are things you wish you could have done differently.
But it is impossible to know what different outcomes would have been.
Blaming yourself or regretting in a self reproaching way is a futile waste of energy.
It only brings on negative emotions and delays the healing process.
Instead, choose to turn the pain into a gain.
Every relationship, can teach us something about ourselves if we are open to it.
It is an opportunity for greater clarity about what we need in order to be happy.
Acknowledging and understanding your role in what went wrong can be beneficial.
With regards to a relationship can be an important part of the learning process.
Two people create the dynamic and whatever happened, both contributed to it in some way.
When you gain this insight to understand your role.
You are in a position to do something differently next time.
It might be helpful to make certain changes in your own behavior.
Such as learning to set boundaries or improve your communication skills.
This is your chance to do this, so that your next relationship can be better.
We do need relationships with others to see ourselves more clearly.
Every relationship we have reflects back to us what we are projecting out into the world.
Know that a relationship isn’t a failure or a waste just because it ended.
If you grew as a person and learned something to move your life forward.
Then it served a purpose and was truly a success.
Consider that modern love can be for some a numbers game.
If you’re looking to meet someone new or just get more comfortable dating.
Challenge yourself to go on an silly amount of dates within a month.
The number could be 10 or it could be 20.
You could aim for a world record or just a personal best.
Either way, the more new people you meet.
You will find yourself knowing more about how you wish to be treated.
By a potential love interest.
At the very least, you’ll be so busy with dates.
You might not remember you are trying to “forget my ex”.
You’ll hardly have any free time to sit at home and ruminate.
5 Achieve a balanced view of the past and forget my ex
Yes, breakups are like trauma that cant be healed in any way really quickly.
It’s common to go back and forth from missing your ex to being angry.
The problem is, your brain can’t start putting these thoughts to bed.
Unless it realizes that your ex was not all good or all bad.
Your objective here is to balance the things you do miss about them.
With the things about them that you don’t miss.
A good strategy for getting over these moments is to write a list.
Simply write down every bad thing you can remember from the relationship.
And read it over post it on the fridge make it visible.
If you find yourself feeling nostalgic for the lost relationship and the ex.
Read the list balance that longing.
The point here isn’t to stay angry.
But to recall the whole truth of why the relationship ended and move on.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com