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Feelings come back : How to get your ex back ?
Feelings come back : like the song says breaking up is hard to do.
It brings out a mix of emotions in everyone.
Some feelings are bad some are really bad.
But there are good feelings too.
There are some that go away forever.
And there are times when the feelings come back.
What do you do when those feelings come back ?
As I said and I guess everyone knows breaking up is hard to do.
And it is hard on everyone involved.
It can be hard on people who are not even directly involved.
The friends and relatives on both sides can become involved.
They can be called on the pick up the slack.
They can be called on to pick you up off the floor.
When you feel there is no reason to get up off the floor.
Usually that kind of situation is only temporary.
And life goes on regardless.
Our feelings will be in a limbo state for a while.
Where it is difficult to tell which way is up or down with them.
The feelings are really mixed up after a break up.
There are the usual and expected ones of love and compassion.
And there can be the ones we don’t expect like anger hate rage and disappointment.
All those feelings and more are natural and normal despite what you think of them.
They can make you feel like a crazy person.
Running hot with emotional fire one minute.
And the next being cold as ice within that same minute.
Feelings can run away with you and feelings come back.
So what can you do when feelings come back?
So emotionally you may not really know where you stand.
With regards to your ex partner and they could be in the same boat.
This can make any sort of ideas about sorting something out a disaster.
Or it has the potential to become a disaster in a living nightmare.
The best thing you can do is be patient and give yourself some time.
Some time to think and especially to let your emotions settle.
At least until you can get to grips with them.
Understand the need to have distance after a break up.
It is essential to give yourself time to process the emotions of a break up.
They can be as varied as they can be volatile.
And that is not a good mix to be playing with if you are trying to be serious.
It can be like juggling sticks of dynamite with lighted cigars.
It has the potential to blow up in your face.
So when you understand the need for serious consideration.
That can only be had with time.
And some time alone.
After a break up you will have some time alone.
You may feel like you want to isolate yourself.
You may not feel like doing anything.
This is natural and normal.
And it is part and parcel of the grieving process.
But it can not and should not last too long.
When feelings come back to some sort of normality.
Then you can begin to think seriously about what you want to do.
In the immediate aftermath of a break up.
It is best to avoid contact with your ex at least until tempers calm down.
Some will say there is a specific length of time that you have to stay away from them.
Especially if the feelings come back and gives you ideas about reuniting.
This period of radio silence can be suggested to be anywhere from twenty one days and sixty.
The latter being somewhat extreme in my opinion.
Of course this is all up to you.
And how you feel about the manner in which the breakup occurred.
How was the breakup?
I mean if it was a very difficult and harsh break up .
It may take more time before the feelings come back to normal.
And that is on both sides.
If however you feel the split was on the other end of the scale.
Where it was not that bitter or tumultuous.
Then the period without contact could be somewhat shorter.
This is totally up to you and how the end went.
When the feelings come back be self critical
As I said previously in the aftermath of a break up.
The feelings will be all messed up.
You will need time to think seriously.
About how you feel about your ex and the relationship in general.
You will also need to look at the root causes for the break up in the first place.
When you are thinking about that end of things you need to be especially self critical.
It is not an easy thing to do.
When the feelings come back and tell you, you want your ex back.
You need to really think about what went wrong in order to correct that.
And at this point in time you can only be critical of yourself.
And examine you part or role in the end of the relationship.
In order to progress in any manner to get your ex back.
It has to be done.
Were you too needy?
Did you neglect your ex?
Perhaps there were communication issues.
Which is the number one reasons why couples go to therapy.
Whatever the issue was you need to root it out and make it a thing of the past.
You need to show the it does not bar or will not affect any possibility of a future relationship.
Be prepared to change when the feelings come back.
If you have done the deep soul searching and you are sure of the cause.
Then it is time to make the changes accordingly.
If it was communication issues that prompted the split.
Get some help with that issue.
There are plenty of great self help sites on the internet.
Brush up on your skills.
If you neglectful or emotionally distant.
Recognize that issue and make changes for yourself and your ex to counter that.
What ever the issue was at the cause, it has to be tackled in a meaningful way.
To show that it will should not come up again in the future.
Come up with a game plan
Now that soul searching and the critical errors or mistakes have been identified and dealt with.
Now it is time to get back on your feet.
Focus on the goal.
When the feelings come back you want your ex to follow.
You want to attract your ex again.
You want to get your ex back.
This will not happen if you are a begging sorry ass mess.
You need to be the person they first were attracted to and more.
Because the relationship ended they may have leftover negative feelings.
That they still associate with you.
You need to smash that image from their mind.
And let them see something they will want again.
So at the the end of the break up they would have had an image of someone.
Perhaps a person broken from a break up.
Someone who they could think might come begging for them back.
Tears regrets and possibly even a hint of anger.
You take that image and turn it on its head.
Get back up on your feet in a real and major way.
You want to display you got some mojo and a break up is not going to break you.
So do things that will lift your spirits.
Embrace the single life.
Even though you have ideas to get your ex back.
That can not be obvious at this point in time.
And you should leave them to their own devices.
Don’t contact them at all for a while.
At least until you are sure of yourself and your feelings come back to normality.
Regain your self esteem
This means getting over the break up.
Making it seem like you have accepted it and you have moved on.
Without your ex.
Get yourself to the gym work out those frustrations.
Tone up the body to make you ex take a second look when they see you.
Get some new clothes to add to that attraction.
Perhaps even a new haircut .
You want to smash the image your ex had of you.
And replace it with a better hotter one.
Get out with friends socialize, you are portraying a single person .
Indulge that image flirt a little even date a little if you feel good about it.
Keep you social media feeds updated with your developments.
And how you are developing.
The results of the gym work.
The nights out on the town.
Some new and exciting things that could be happening at work.
Perhaps some new hobbies or activities you are getting involved in.
Giving the picture of a full and vivid life that you are leading.
This picture will feed into your ex’s mind.
Countering any twisted negative image they may have had before.
Showing an outgoing fun and apparently confident person.
It will be a great factor in attracting your ex back.
After a period of time without contacting your ex and while you build up yourself.
To show someone who is comfortable in their own skin.
And even comfortable being single.
You can consider contacting your ex again.
If they have not contacted you first, which is very likely.
If you have successfully countered the image they had of you.
Establishing contact the right way with a new image and credibility
Remember you want to be seen as fun lively and not suffering from a break up.
So in any contact with your ex be it by text email or phone call.
You can not be negative or remind them of who you were in the relationship.
That would destroy all of your good work up to this point and it is over.
Relationship talk should be left out of any of the first contact communications.
If you are initiating contact a good way is to text them.
It allows them and you time.
Time to think of something that will catch their interest and to think of a reply.
It is non invasive like a phone call.
Which can through no fault of our own be badly timed, poorly received and very tense.
If dealing with the breakup has not been properly processed on their end.
Think of something that will catch their interest.
Like their favorite sports team who may have recently beaten their opponents.
Or their favorite TV show that they watch religiously that had some surprise twist in the plot.
Whatever it is you want only to say that that you saw it and it reminded you of them.
You are peaking their interest and not asking for anything or bringing up sore points.
You are showing them you can still have a chat and are over the past.
You will remind them of you and the times you had together.
This is part of being out of contact with them for a while does as well.
It lets them miss you being there to chat to, talk to and as a friend as well as a lover.
You will want to progress from text conversations to phone calls.
In the text and phone call conversations you want to leave the conversations before they stall.
This will mean they is still more to talk about and they will want to continue to.
Don’t get impatient about texting a number of times without them replying.
It will seem needy and desperate.
One at a time and wait for them to reply.
Then you should progress to meeting in person.
These are never dates if you are initiating them.
You are meeting as friends who just happen to have some history.
You should avoid the relationship as a topic for conversation.
Unless they bring it up.
Talk about what you are up to, what you are doing with yourself.
Ask about how they are doing.
After meeting a couple of times as friends.
Then you could depending on their reaction to you.
You can talk about the feelings come back and getting together again.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com