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Ex wants to be friends after no contacts : What are your thoughts ?
So you broke up and you have done the no contact term, and now, your ex wants to be friends after no contacts, which raises questions.
There can be many reasons, the possibilities can be enormous.
The results can have effects on both of you.
If an Ex wants to be friends after no contacts what do I think…
I’d think a lot.
But it might not help you out in the end.
A 2010 study published in the Journal of Neurophysiology found that when participants saw pictures of their exes, it signaled activity in the same part of the brain that was closely related to experiencing physical pain.
This should give you an insight into what you might be facing.
First off let us set the scene you had a relationship.
A relationship that broke up.
Then after the break up you did a period of no contact.
Did it go exactly as planned and you made it thru the time without any contact at all.
Did the ex try and contact you?
Just like after any breakup there are always questions and a lot to think about.
There is a lot of things to think about really before making any sort of decision or coming to a conclusion.
If there is even the need for a decision or a conclusion to be made.
The reasons and circumstances for that breakup can be considered as a factor.
And a big factor in trying to reason why an Ex wants to be friends after no contacts.
I mean how did the break up effect the ex.
They could have taken it very badly or they could have coped very well with the idea.
Did they seem devastated, were they still professing their love at the end.
Or was it a case of mutual consent and a sense almost of relief at the breakup.
The first scenario would have very different speculations in reasoning to the second one.
In the first scenario the ex could have been affected very badly by the no contact period.
And seeing the prospect of never having contact ever again as a reality.
It could have been too much to bare or didn’t bare considering.
The Ex could just want to have you as a friend as innocent as it sounds.
Because in their mind the other option could be no contact ever nothing .
And they may opt for friendship over nothing.
In a way that something is better than nothing.
If it was more like the second scenario at the end of the relationship.
They could be seriously thinking that being friends could be a good idea.
Or they could have ulterior motives.
Like thinking that friends with benefits is a beneficial option to have.
There are other considerations to be thought about and brought into play.
Like who initiated the end of the relationship and why.
What were the reasons given?
Was it a case that they began the process and their reasons were obviously selfish.
Like to suggest that you see other people and that they still love you just not in love with you.
Or was it a definite case of another person coming in to play in the relationship.
This kind of thinking about the motives of the breakup will have very great implications on the speculations of why the want to be friends.
I mean it could be that they are genuinely are looking to be friends.
Or their motivations could be more selfish than that.
The kind that thinks friends with benefits is a good option until better ones appear.
Then they move on without having to deal with a real relationship.
If you did no contact fully and completely.
It can be a strong signal to an ex of what it would be like if you are not around at all.
And this can make them want you in their lives.
And that is the effect it is supposed to have.
Though the reaction to it, can take many forms.
And these too should be thought about.
If we are to get a good all round picture.
Attempts to contact
During no contact did the Ex try to contact you ?
How many times if any and by what method did they make those attempts through.
If they made no attempt whatever it says quite a lot about how much they missed you.
If they did make attempts to contact you what was the tone and content of those contacts like.
This kind of thinking on the contact attempts made by the ex, will suggest a view on the mindset of the ex throughout the no contact period.
It could be there were unanswered calls made by the ex.
Were they late night after closing time phone calls.
Drunk dialing can be seen as someone who needs a little dutch courage in order to make those calls.
They usually don’t get the courage to say what they mean and can end up as rambling nonsense.
But the reasons to make the call, the verdict on motivations can be varied.
Booty call can be one suggestion they can be drunk and randy.
An argument or a “piece of my mind” could be another where the ex gets fired up on fire water.
Or even a late attempt at reconciliation can be another.
The jury is still out on why but the fact they called at all is generally a good sign.
Texts from the ex.
If the ex sent some texts during the no contact period these could be easier to decipher with regards to tone and content.
What did they say were they nice or nasty.
Were they vague and rambling.
Did they sound desperate.
Did they get worse as the time of no contact progressed?
Or were they just nasty from the start.
Were they just questions like why won’t you answer me or why wont you talk to me?
All these kinds of considerations will give you a picture of their mindset.
And can show motivations as to why your Ex wants to be friends after no contacts.
The Ex wants to be friends after no contacts : what do you think ?
In the previous paragraphs we thought about the motivations of your ex.
Now it is time to consider your thoughts and feelings on the matter.
Really you should think of yourself first because you should have a better idea about your feelings.
Rather than trying to read someone else’s mind.
You have to think about how you feel.
About the suggestion your Ex wants to be friends after no contacts.
Don’t ever feel pressured to be in this situation if you are not comfortable with it.
If your ex says they « miss their best friend » or « want to catch up » and you don’t feel comfortable with that?
Then don’t do it you are not obliged to do anything.
Do you want to be friends or do you want more than that.
Do you feel happy enough to continue as friends with your ex.
Do you think it is possible to have a friendly relationship with them after breaking up with them ?
Will it cause complications that will leave you both unable or possibly unwilling to move on.
You could meet someone who could turn into a potential date.
How would you feel if the ex did the same.
Are you ready for that kind of interaction and scenario because it is a distinct possibility.
Will you be able to handle the associated feeling or does the thought of it fill you with dread.
How would it go if the new date discovered your friend was an ex ?
How would that look ?
This would need the most careful and serious deliberation on your part.
This is the heart of the matter, your heart.
And no one knows it better than you.
Everything else is speculation.
This is where you need to be sure.
It is where you can be sure of your thoughts on the situation.
Considering to be friends or whether to call it a day and move on completely.
Because in the end of the day if you are to remain friends, all these scenarios may come to pass.
And if you are to do that, you have to be brutally honest with yourself about it.
Face up to the fact that the pain may be just too much to handle.
In which case moving on may be the best option in order to save any further suffering.
Being friends with an ex can be a potential nightmare scenario.
As it has complications that are far reaching.
There are possibly damaging outcomes for both of you.
If you feel however you are both mature enough and the breakup was amicable.
It can be possible to maintain a friendship after a relationship.
It is rare but it is feasibly possible.
What is more likely to happen is both of you end up in a limbo state.
No it’s not a dancing country.
It is a position somewhat like stalemate in chess or draughts.
A place where either of you could be unable to move on without the fear of causing pain.
It can be painful for you both.
Where you are also unsure about going out together again leaving no options.
More than likely someone may be harboring strong feelings that they are not admitting to.
It may be that one of you is not saying they want more but it could be the case.
This could be motivated by past history or fear of rejection.
If that is really what is happening perhaps it needs clarifying.
Meet and have a frank and honest talk at some point about the situation.
A chat that would lay the cards of both on the table so there is no misunderstanding in the future.
A misunderstanding that could hurt both of you.
And damage any chance of friendship or reunion if that is an option you are considering.
Another option is to take it at face value and see how it goes.
Maybe your Ex wants to be friends after no contacts.
Remain calm about it don’t get over excited one way or the other.
Do not get overwhelmed by the what ifs and why.
Remember you can not really know someone else’s mind.
All the over analyzing can result in one great big headache.
One that does not get you any closer to really understanding the other person’s mind and it never will.
It can provide speculations on such things.
When all is said and done they are just that speculations or gambles if you like.
At the end of the day we can all change our minds.
And can make stupid decisions as well as good ones.
If your Ex wants to be friends after no contacts in reality no one can make you be their friend.
Or no one can make you want to be their friend.
That is an agreement made by two consenting people over time.
And a conscious decision especially by ex partners is harder to take.
Perhaps at some stage in the future you may realize that you really can’t be friends.
Maybe you realize that you want to be more than friends and then you can take it from there.
But the main thing is that you both understand and have equal say in the process.
By this I mean that one person does not take advantage of the other.
Like one is left hanging on the phone waiting for a call.
One that only comes after hours and is motivated by the booty at the end of the line.
And that together you never see the light of day.
This is the definition of friends with benefits, the booty call.
A relationship based on sex alone it not really a relationship it is just sex.
Regardless what is said in the heat of those moments it probably is not love either.
If you understand this and are OK with that that is entirely up to you.
The Ex wants to be friends after no contacts some guidelines
Because in reality honesty is the best policy. Be honest with your Ex and above all be honest with yourself really honest..
Everything is an opportunity to learn something new about yourself this is no exception to the rule.
You’ll gain some profound self-understanding or insight about yourself if you keep your mind open to it.
Remain calm, cool and respectful.
It’s easier said than done in reality.
But do your best to be civil and keep calm.
Don’t get over excited to hear from your Ex, just be laid back about it.
Relax there is nothing you really have to do about it.
If your Ex wants to be friends after no contacts it could mean nothing so don’t go over analyzing the situation.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com