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Ex revenge: 7 ways to get your revenge


ex revengeYour ex has broken up with you.  They have ripped your heart right out of your chest and trampled all over it.  They have hurt you badly.  Do you want to get back together?  No way.  You want to get your ex revenge.  You want to hurt your ex as badly as he/she has hurt you, but you know that’s not likely to happen, at least not unless you want to end up in a prison cell.

So how do you do it?  How do you get your ex revenge?  Follow these seven pieces of advice to get even, and sit back and watch your ex crash and burn.  Perhaps you should try to rise above it; be the bigger person and simply move on with your life; but why should your ex get off scot free when they’re the one who broke your heart? Being the bigger person is great, but there’s a lot more satisfaction in revenge.

  1. Let karma do its job

Do nothing

This is the only thing I will say about sitting back and being the bigger person, and the only section of this article that doesn’t descend into some very petty ex revenge.  If you don’t want to stoop to your ex’s level and you don’t want to give your ex the satisfaction of knowing how they hurt you, then just sit back and let karma do its job.  Your ex hurt you, so by the rules of the universe something will happen to give him/her payback for the way they treated you, and you don’t have to lift a finger.  You reap what you sow, and soon enough your ex is going to sow a whole lot of pain.

Give karma a little help

However, if you feel like giving karma a helping hand without making yourself look pathetic, there are a few things you can do.  Get a makeover and get back to the gym.  Buy new clothes and make yourself look hotter than you’ve ever looked before, then strut your stuff in front of your ex, preferably with some hot new candy on your arm.  Go out with someone new; someone who is better looking, smarter and more successful than your ex.  And don’t be afraid to flaunt him/her the next time you run into your ex, or even one of your ex’s friends; you know word will get back to your ex.  Get your ex revenge by showing your ex what karma can do.

  1. Rebound

Your ex’s BFF

After getting out of a relationship we all need to loosen up a little. We’ve been stuck within the confines of our relationship for so long that we really need to let our hair down and go a little wild.  Chances are you’re going to rebound before you go looking for love again, and the best kind of rebound is the revenge rebound.

How can you get your ex revenge?  Sleep with your ex’s best friend.  Yes, this is incredibly morally corrupt, but who cares? Your ex hurt you and this is sure to hurt them.  And if they’re really a good friend to your ex they won’t go near you anyway, so if you do manage to sleep with your ex’s BFF… well, you’re doing your ex a favor, really.  (If you’re feeling really evil, you may even take a post-sex selfie with your ex’s best friend and send it to your ex.  Cue evil laugh…)

Your ex’s sibling

If you don’t feel right about using your ex’s friend this way, you could just go out with them a couple of times.  You don’t have to sleep with them.  And if your ex’s best friend got on well with you and liked you, he/she may believe your ex was wrong in the break up and agree to pretend to go out with you just to mess with your ex.  An equally morally reprehensible alternative to going out or sleeping with your ex’s best friend is going out or sleeping with their brother or sister, but be careful.  If your ex’s sibling is close to your ex or really just doesn’t have any reason to want to hurt their brother/sister, they aren’t likely to fall into your trap.

Going out or sleeping with your ex’s best friend may be a little morally wrong and heartless, but you have to admit, it’s a great way to get revenge.  And you know what they say; revenge is a dish best served cold.

  1. Social media

Name and shame

ex revenge

There are many, many ways you can get back at your ex via social media, although naming and shaming is one of the most popular.  Write a Facebook or twitter post and let the entire world know what a scumbag your ex is, maybe you’ll seem a little petty or pathetic, but at least now all your ex’s friends and family will see that he cheated on you, not the other way around as they have told their mother…

Be irritating

You can also get a little more creative than just a shaming post on social media.  For example, some revenge-seekers enjoy liking and commenting on every single post or picture their ex uploads.  It doesn’t have to be something about the break up or what an idiot your ex is, it can be something really silly and idiotic, like random song lyrics.  The point is that it will annoy your ex to no end.

Mock your ex

Another social media ex revenge chosen by some internet users is taking pictures to imitate your ex’s photos.  For example, if your ex uploads a picture of herself with heavy makeup, making a duck face and leaning over to show maximum cleavage, you get some makeup and make yourself look ridiculous, pout those lips and don a low top and pull it down even further and strike the same pose.  Or if he takes a photo with his arm bent to show off his muscles, you strike that pose, flex your muscles and post the photo with the comment “Mines are bigger”.

You will annoy your ex endlessly if you do this to every single photo they take, and it won’t seem pathetic either.  Both your friends and your ex’s friends will think this is hilarious, and you’ll have people laughing at your ex’s expense.  A little humiliation is definitely in order for your revenge.

  1. Mess with their head

Be a little devious

If you want to get even, you can get in your ex’s head and mess with them.  There are a thousand different ways you can do this; you can be subtle, or you can make it glaringly obvious that it’s you, and you can make it something very small and simple that will have them scratching their head for weeks, or you can make it something huge that’s bound to send them into an immediate tailspin.

Let’s start off small.  The next time you run into your ex, be friendly and try to seem sympathetic.  Act like you have a lot of pity for your ex and tell them, “I’m so sorry to hear about all the trouble you’ve been having.  I really hope things get better for you soon.”  Then walk away and leave them standing there scratching their head.  You may not have been told anything about your ex, you may not have any reason to feel sorry for them, but saying this to your ex is going to leave them standing there, confused and paranoid that their friends and family have been talking about them.  They’re going to wonder what on earth you’ve been told, and by whom, but they will not ask you.

Play pranks

get evenMaybe you still have access to your ex’s home.  Perhaps they never asked you for your keys back and haven’t changed the locks.  You have a key, so it’s not technically breaking and entering, and anyway, your ex will never know.  When you’re certain that your ex is out, slip into their apartment and play silly tricks.  Hide their keys, put hair removal cream in their shampoo, dunk their toothbrush in the toilet… These are all very juvenile pranks, but they will amuse you and irritate your ex, and the best part is your ex will never suspect that it was you.

Be a little crazy

If that all seems too tame or juvenile and you really want to do something to sucker punch your ex, there are bigger things that you can do to mess with your ex’s head.  You could send your ex a text telling them that they should get checked for gonorrhea, or if you’re a woman, tell your ex you’re pregnant.  These things are sure to get you some ex revenge, but be very careful; there is such a thing as taking it too far, and doing something like this can really make you seem psychotic.

  1. Destroy their possessions

Destroying all your ex’s things is quite possibly the most satisfying form of revenge.  It doesn’t matter what you do; ripping up his/her favorite t-shirt can feel very gratifying after he/she ripped up your heart, or scoring his/her favorite CD or video game can feel like you’re getting payback for the emotional scars your ex has inflicted on you.

Your ex’s car

get your revengeWhat about your ex’s pride and joy – their car?  If your ex loves their car more than they ever loved you, he/she was perhaps always telling you off for getting a little dirt on the seats or spent every waking moment washing and polishing the exterior: you know their weak spot.  In the past, many people have been known to get their ex revenge by attacking their ex’s car; keying and spray painting are both very effective.  However, you need to be very careful.  Damaging your ex’s car could easily be seen as criminal damage and you don’t want to leave yourself open to criminal charges or hefty fines.

There are other less criminal but equally satisfying ways to get back at your back using their car.  For example, you could hide an unwrapped fish somewhere in the car.  Bonus points to you if you can hide it somewhere where your ex will not find it as soon as he/she starts looking.  As the fish goes off, the smell will spread around the whole car, especially if your ex uses the heating or air ventilation a lot, and after a couple of days the smell will be unbearable.  And even after the fish is found and removed, the smell will linger.  Your ex’s car will never be the same.

Your ex’s clothes

Destroying your ex’s clothes can be equally satisfying, and very easy to do if you were living together when you broke up.  It doesn’t have to be a very obvious cutting up of every item of clothing he/she ever owned; it can be very simple and subtle.  You could cut holes in the pockets of all your ex’s jackets so that he/she will keep losing their things, or you could cut small holes in the backside of all your ex’s jeans.  This will be extra amusing if your ex doesn’t notice before leaving their house and going outside.

You were with your ex for a long time so you know exactly which of his/her possessions he/she is most attached to.  Use this to your advantage and as long as it isn’t illegal, destroy some of their property.  This will give you a way to release some of your anger over the break up and is also some very satisfying ex revenge.

  1. Use the Internet

The internet is a beautiful creation. It provides you with endless ways to torment your ex. As well as giving you many, many ideas for your ex revenge.  Go online and have a look at what other people have done to get back at their ex. You may find some inspiration.

Change your Netflix password

Your ex is only halfway through the latest series of Stranger Things, when suddenly he /she can’t watch it anymore.  In fact, he/she can’t access their Netflix account at all, because you have changed the password. This may be a very basic and petty revenge. But that doesn’t make it any less amusing when you think of your ex furiously typing their password into the server just to see access denied over and over.  This is even better if your ex was the one paying for the Netflix account. Yes, they will fix it eventually and you will lose access, but it’s worth it.  And if you were the one paying for the account, well, your ex isn’t going to be mooching off of you anymore.

Subscribe

Perhaps when you were in your relationship you had access to your ex’s email or social media accounts.  Maybe you know all their logins and passwords.  Take your ex revenge by using this information to subscribe to many different sites. Sites which send you advertisements and annoying spam emails constantly. Drown your ex in a mountain of spam. Even better if you have their bank details.  Maybe one of their cards is linked to their email account.  Sign up to online poker games and rack up the charges on your ex’s card.  This might also be short-lived, but nonetheless gratifying.

Advertise

Even if you don’t have all your ex’s private information, you still have their phone number. You can use it to get your ex revenge.  Post a racy or embarrassing advertisement on an erotic website or publication. Then enjoy knowing that your ex will be fielding some rather strange calls all day with no idea as to how these people have got his/her number and why they all think he/she is ‘up for some fun’.  And after your ex has answered a dozen of these calls, he/she is going to get very annoyed and suspicious…

  1. Creative ex revenge

You don’t have to follow any rules when it comes to getting revenge on your ex. Although it is advisable to avoid anything illegal.  You can be as creative as you want to be.  You know your own ex. So you know exactly where to target him/her to cause the most hurt or embarrassment and get the maximum level of revenge.  You are only limited by your own imagination.

If you really want to get your own special brand of revenge on your ex, have a look online.  Read other peoples’ stories and see what they did to get back at their ex.  Some of them are very creative. For example, one internet user found condoms in her boyfriend’s car. Knowing she and her boyfriend didn’t use condoms, she soaked them in Tabasco sauce; I’m sure that was some very painful payback.  Or another person tells of how she picked up her boyfriend’s phone to see that he was sending dirty messages to someone else… so she swapped the recipient’s number with his boss’s.  Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…

Don’t necessarily go too far…

The point is that your revenge doesn’t have to be particularly hurtful or mean.  It doesn’t even have to be obvious. But just doing some small thing to get back at your ex can make you feel more balanced. Especially if you were feeling like your ex had made a fool of you when you broke up.  Sometimes it might even seem more like justice than revenge.  If we don’t take revenge, we tend to go over and over what happened in our heads and make ourselves feel worse.  Whereas if we take some small measure of revenge, it can feel like we are purging the feelings of inadequacy that our break up has caused.

To a lot of people, revenge may seem quite petty and unnecessary. They would prefer to rise above what happened. But for others, it’s a lot easier to move on knowing that they had the last laugh.

What if your ex knows it’s you?

Many people will ask this question.  What if your ex knows that it’s you messing with them?  And if your ex knows that you’re the one posting racy advertisements and signing up to spam?  What if your ex knows you keyed their car?My answer to this: who cares?  Who cares if your ex knows it was you?  Your ex hurt you and he/she deserves to pay for what they did, especially if they cheated.  For some of these revenge plans it is obviously you anyway. At least your ex knows that you’re not sitting at home meekly crying over the break up.  In fact, it’s even better that your ex knows that you’re the one making their life miserable right now.  What goes around comes around; and your ex will see that.

Your ex has hurt you and it’s only natural that you want to get some ex revenge. These are the 7 best ways to get back at your ex.  You can let karma take care of it for you or you can rebound with someone close to your ex.  You can use the internet and social media and you can mess with their head. Also, you can destroy their possessions or you can be a little more creative than that. You should also, however, be aware of any potential consequences of your revenge.  Don’t do anything dangerous or illegal.  Get revenge and do it for you.  It will give you a feeling of satisfaction that you have achieved justice which will ultimately help you to move on.

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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