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My ex husband getting married : How to react ?
Ex husband getting married, an exception ?
When you find out « my Ex husband getting married » it can feel more than a little odd.
The man you once loved and married is moving onto greener pastures.
You may have thought you were over the whole thing but now you’re not, apparently.
My ex husband getting married : how do you react to that news?
Because you know the two of you shared a special connection in the marriage.
And that you saw the private side of him no one else did.
Like any couple, enjoyed special, secret times together.
That is likely to change and that can be part of odd feelings you are having.
It is hard not to feel elbowed out and replaced.
When he meets someone else and prepares to sail off into the sunset with her.
Even if you knew your ex was dating.
The news of an impending wedding may come as a shock.
And shock hurts worse because of the surprise of it.
You have had time to process the end of the marriage.
You will have even been able to adapt to your life’s changes.
And now this.
At first, it may feel as though you are back to square one.
To the days immediately following the divorce.
As you struggle to come to terms with the new information.
However the shock fades.
The surprise only lasts so long and once you have time to process this new information.
Its impact will lessen.
But there are things about it that may take some more time to get over.
The shock that it was not you.
Or the shock that he did not remain faithfully unhappy without you.
Sure there may even be a tinge of jealousy or residual anger in those feelings.
But the biggest thing is the shock itself.
I mean you told yourself this day would probably come.
And now it has.
So what is different now about my Ex husband getting married?
You were supposed to be prepared for this eventuality.
But it seems you are not at all.
Did you really get over the divorce at all ?
Did all that time spent getting counselling from family count for nothing.
Did all those evenings spent gushing on the shoulders of friends do nothing for you?
In reality the surprise or shock would happen regardless.
It is a normal reaction.
That any woman who finds out her ex husband getting married would have.
You may have thought that you were completely over it and it is done.
But for any woman who loved a man then married them will find it is the same.
They were a part of your life and now they are moving on.
That will bring up some old memories and emotions along with it.
Feel the emotions, process them and then let them go.
I know you will say I did this before.
I went through therapy or counselling to get over the divorce.
So I should not have to do this again.
Well that is not what your heart and mind are saying now at this moment.
And in truth it is not a great idea to suppress any feelings or emotions.
So the thing to do is to feel all the emotions.
That come with finding out your Ex husband getting married.
You would not want them to resurface suddenly if you bumped into them at the shopping center.
It could be embarrassing.
So acknowledge those emotions feel them accept them as yours.
Understand that they may be remnants of ones left over from the divorce.
Or they could be unrelated to the divorce.
If you were the one that was broken hearted,
It is very normal to feel sad and hurt and feel like it’s a blow to your self-worth.
Because there might be a part of you that thinks.
“Why didn’t they choose me? Why wasn’t I good enough?”
They could be nothing more than a little envy and self pity.
That he may have found someone to love and marry before you did.
Or even the fact that he is moving on in a contractually binding way.
But you didn’t think you would reunite did you ?
That stings like another little divorce all over again.
Whatever the causes or reasons you have to face those emotions and process them.
Moving on for you wont happen in any meaningful way unless you do that.
It is the thing to do and you know it.
Have a good friend come over, talk to them and have a cry.
But then try your best to let it go because holding onto it is just painful.
And if you don’t then you’ll continue to suffer.
Set boundaries with your mutual friends.
If you still share friends with your ex.
Tell them that you do not want to hear any updates on your ex
This will be tough no doubt about it but in the long run it will help you out a lot.
Your mutual friends will undoubtedly bring it up in conversation.
That is my ex husband getting married.
Nip it in the bud explain that the subject is a little raw or difficult for you.
Ask them to consider your feelings and not discuss it in your presence at least for a while.
This will give you time and space to not have to avoid them.
For fear of the subject coming up in the course of conversation.
Some of your friends might have good intentions and want to be sharing some bad things.
Like how the wedding was awful and his friends don’t like the new partner.
But that’s still going to bring up everything for you.
Having no information about the whole thing is what you need right now.
And it is not unreasonable to ask that of your friends they will understand.
My Ex husband getting married : you don’t need to congratulate them.
Especially if you were the one that was broken hearted.
It is totally normal to feel sad and hurt.
That does not mean you have to be happy for the happy couple.
Realize that the happiness you are perceiving may be a front.
After all, you show smiles to hide your tears.
How do you know they aren’t doing the same?
It’s also important to recognize.
That their happiness and yours are not mutually exclusive.
And there’s only one you have influence over.
Don’t feel the need to congratulate them if you don’t feel like it.
If you have a cordial relationship with him then you might want to send a card.
But do not feel obliged to do anything that you feel would be a betrayal of yourself.
Or even a lie to yourself or the couple.
Some people say that because he is part of your past you should leave it there.
And don’t congratulate them as it can seem fake and concocted.
If you feel that it is something that has to be done as a part of social etiquette.
Don’t there is no real reason why you should given your history.
It may end up feeling odd for everyone involved.
Stop the social media stalking.
In this day and age it is going to be hard to avoid.
Seeing something about your Ex husband getting married online.
Unless they are utter troglodytes, do they even exist anymore?
And with a few mutual friends it will be impossible.
To avoid seeing some mention of the ceremony the cake the flowers or the bouquet.
This in time will fade.
But for the immediate future the build up to the big day.
And the event itself you should avoid stalking the ex’s profile.
It will not make you feel good.
Looking and comparing yours for theirs will only bring you down.
Regardless if you find that his bride to be looks like a bag of spanners.
Or that she hit every branch of the ugly tree on the way down.
Or that the dress she has chosen looks like something from a bargain basement bin.
That may not even be the case.
It could be worse for you they could be having the dream wedding.
Getting it all spot on how would you feel then?
Either way the point is doing any sort of snooping on social media has no benefit whatever for you.
In fact studies have shown that this type of behavior.
Will lead to feelings of increased jealousy discontentment and other negative feelings.
That you could really do without at the moment.
So do yourself a favor and avoid looking at his feed.
Surround yourself with people who love you and keep busy.
You may feel more alone now that you find out your Ex husband getting married.
It may not be that there is any difference in your circumstances but it may seem that way.
You will want to bolster your spirits at this time.
Access your support network and surround yourself with people who love you.
You may feel a little vulnerable and that is understandable.
There is no reason for you to feel alone or lonely at this time.
Get out and socialize with you friends and family.
If you can you should take a trip away until the whole thing is over.
A holiday break would be just the thing to take your mind off the events taking place.
Keeping busy is another means to take your mind off it.
Throw yourself into work this would occupy your mind.
And keep you from thinking about anything else.
Going to the gym is another great distraction with added health benefits.
It also helps to look better and feel better about yourself.
In a good work out the body releases feel good chemicals in the brain.
That studies have shown can help sufferers of depression.
You may not be suffering depression.
But you could do with feeling better about yourself so what is the harm ?
Alternately practice self care on that day and distract yourself.
By self care I mean treat yourself to a spa day, for example.
Do something nice for yourself.
Write down all the reasons why it ended.
Sometimes people might start contemplating if they’ve made the right choice.
And only remember the good times in the relationship.
This is a common reaction to a breakup and after divorce.
People tend to idolize the person and the partnership they lost.
Remind yourself there is a great difference to what you remember about the relationship now.
And how it felt as you finally came to the decision to divorce.
The thing is there were and still are very valid reasons you two are not together.
Remember them while you are feeling nostalgic for something that failed and ended in divorce.
You can instead, make a list of all the reasons of why the relationship didn’t work out.
Write them out and leave it visible like on the fridge door.
Add to it as you remember more reasons.
It will remind you of why you’re not with that person anymore.
And that you did make the right decision.
And when you feel like you are having a bout of nostalgia for that failed relationship.
Get the list read them all remind yourself of the reasons it ended.
No need to mention this to your current partner.
If you are in a relationship.
There is no need or reason to mention your Ex husband getting married to your current partner.
It will only bring up fears and doubts in their mind.
They will more likely know your past history with your ex husband.
But no need to bring that past into the present.
Especially as it is only a passing thought.
It is not like you want to break up two relationships in order to remarry the ex husband do you ?
By bringing up your ex, it may also make your partner feel insecure.
And they will wonder if you have really moved on.
Or that you may perhaps still have feelings for him now that My Ex husband’s getting married.
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com