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Dumped by text: how to react well

dumped by textBeing dumped by text is one of the most horrible methods if ending a relationship that an unfortunate number of us have experienced at one time or another in our lives.  It’s not pleasant; it gives us all those typical breakup emotions; hurt, disappointment, anger; as well as a whole lot more anger and hurt that our partner couldn’t say these things to our face and instead chose to do it over a screen.  How can you react well to such a cowardly and disappointing method of breaking up?  Is it even possible since the other person can’t see us?  It is possible to react well, especially if you want to win your ex back in a few weeks, although I advise that any person who has such a lack of respect for you that they broke up with you via text doesn’t deserve you and you shouldn’t try to get back together.

Why would your partner dump you by text?

Dumping you by text is an extremely disrespectful and cowardly move on your ex’s part.  The simple explanation is that your ex didn’t want to deal with the confrontation of breaking up with you in person, didn’t want to have to explain their reasons or listen to you asking for explanations or begging them to change their mind, or didn’t want to see your reaction.  In other words, it’s extreme cowardice.  If you have been going out with someone for a long time, it’s only fair that you can expect them to have a certain amount of respect for you, even when they’re breaking up with you, and dumping someone by text takes away this respect.

On the other hand, it’s possible that your partner simply didn’t trust him/herself to break up with you in person, that if you were face to face they would have chickened out and been unable to go through with it, simply because they’re afraid of hurting you.

Why is being dumped by text so terrible for the person being dumped?

Breaking up with you over text shows that your ex doesn’t care enough about you to allow you to have your say in the breakup.  You are incredibly hurt that your ex doesn’t have enough respect or love for you to face you and do this in person.  It completely undermines the relationship we thought we had; as if the breakup itself hasn’t completely caught you off guard, the fact that your ex has done it by text has thrown you for a loop.  You thought your relationship meant more to them than that and it would be a little more difficult to end it than that.  Moreover being dumped by text leaves you without any closure.  You don’t know why the relationship ended, if it was something you did wrong or what happened; and when you don’t have any idea how the relationship ended so suddenly, you’re left without the closure you need from the relationship and unable to move on.

 How you shouldn’t react

Before explaining good ways to react to being dumped by text, it may be easier to explain some of the things that you absolutely shouldn’t do, not if you want to get your ex back and not if you don’t want your ex to think you’re sitting at home sobbing, completely destroyed by the breakup.

Respond immediately

Answering your ex’s text immediately, calling or popping round to see them to demand an explanation right after a breakup is never a good idea. This has completely thrown you for a loop and you need to take some time to get over your initial shock, think about the relationship and whether or not anything has happened recently to change your ex’s mind about you, and to recover.  Your ex broke up with you via text, you don’t owe them any response, so take your time to think about what you want to say to your ex and wait at least 24 hours before you say it.

Waiting to answer your ex’s text has a rather satisfying effect on your ex too, since they’re obviously waiting for your reply, expecting heartbreak and devastation.  Don’t give your ex the satisfaction of knowing they have rattled you.  Hold off on replying and let your ex sweat for a bit; they deserve it anyway since you’ve been dumped by text.

Accuse them

Even if you wait to reply to your ex, don’t respond with accusations that they’ve been seeing someone else or anything else that might not have any merit.  You don’t know that this is the case, it’s possible but it’s also possible that they just didn’t want to face you in person; either way, throwing around wild accusations won’t help your ex.  On the other hand, feel free to call them out on their cowardice of breaking up with you over text.  Let them know that you thought better of them and that you believe you deserved better.  Leave your ex making them think you’re unaffected by the breakup but feeling chastised and guilty for doing it via text.

Try to force them to stay with you

Don’t call your ex or pop round to see them, begging them to change their mind about the breakup, to stay with you and give you another chance.  Trying to force them to stay with you will not work, and you shouldn’t really want it to after they dumped you by text.  More than anything else, this will make you look pathetic.  Don’t inflate your ex’s ego by letting them see that they’ve had this effect on you.

Go on social media

broken up with by textOne of the things that you absolutely should not do after being dumped by text is take to your social media accounts and posting emotive, accusing or heartbroken statuses for all to see.  You don’t want your ex to see what this breakup has done to you and you don’t want all of your friends and family to see you at your worst like this either.  Stay off social media for a day or two; it’s much safer.  Saying hurtful things about your ex may seem satisfying at the time but it only makes you look pathetic and you’ll regret it in a few days when you’re a little more over it.

How to react

The way that you react after being dumped by text is completely up to you.  Your ex hasn’t bothered to end your relationship in person so they aren’t going to see how you react anyway, although it may be a good idea to have someone take away your phone and keep you off social media.

Express your feelings

You’ve been dumped by text suddenly, completely out of the blue, and it’s only natural that you want to express all your shock, hurt, anger and frustration.  Express these emotions, don’t bottle them all up inside.  Your ex isn’t there to witness it so there’s no danger of you looking pathetic in front of them.  Don’t keep holding all your feeling inside until you explode.  Cry, scream, shout, throw things, hide under your bed covers all day and eat several pints of ice-cream.  Do what you need to do to express these emotions so you can get better.

Call a friend

You don’t have to go through this breakup alone.  You have friends and family who are there for you to lean on, to support you and help you through this.  Call someone and have them come around to keep you company and you can cry on their shoulder.  It’s more than likely that they’ll be more than sympathetic to you and outraged on your behalf that your ex would dump you by text.  You can express to this friend or family member all the things that your ex didn’t give you the opportunity to say to them.  You can tell them how hurt and betrayed you feel, discuss with them where you think the relationship went wrong and get it all off your chest so that you can start to get over it.

Keep physical barriers

Don’t give in to the temptation to go and see your ex, asking what this is all about and demanding explanations; it’s better to keep some distance between you and your ex so that you don’t let them see how this breakup has affected you.  Keeping physical distance between you will make this easier on you; apparently your ex needed it to break up with you and now you need it if you’re going to get over the breakup.

Pretend you’re okay

As difficult as it may be, don’t give in to the misery you’re feeling inside.  Allow yourself to feel your feelings over the breakup but don’t waste weeks on end crying at home alone.  It’s a case of fake it ‘til you make it.  Pretend you’re okay and get out of the house and go about your life as normal.  If you run into your ex, don’t let them see that you’re still miserable and hurt over the breakup.  Pretend you’re okay and eventually you will be.

Move on

This person who didn’t respect you enough and was too cowardly to express their doubts about your relationship to you face to face is undeserving of your misery.  You need a little time to get over the breakup of course, especially if the relationship lasted a long time, but don’t waste your time being miserable over someone who didn’t deserve you.  Express all your feelings over the breakup and allow yourself to be heartbroken for a little while, and then pick yourself up off the floor, put yourself back together and move on with your life.  Move on to bigger and better things; you deserve someone great who would never be so cowardly as to dump you over the phone.

How to reply

It’s already been said, wait at least 24 hours before you reply to your ex’s text and let them sweat a little bit.  When you’re ready to reply but you’re still not sure what you should say, here are some ideas.

Ghost them

If you don’t wish to, you don’t have to reply to your ex at all.  You can accept the breakup yourself without letting your ex know that you’ve acknowledged it.  Let them worry about whether or not you’ve got the message and why you’re not replying.  After you’ve been dumped by text you don’t owe your ex anything, so if you don’t want to or you can’t think of something to say, say nothing at all.  They refused to do you the honour of breaking up with you in person and if you can get some small amount of revenge in ghosting them then feel free to do it.

One word answer

dumped via textIf you wish to acknowledge the breakup, you can simply reply with one word and two letters, “ok”, some people will reduce this to the even shorter and even more unaffected “k”.  This will show that you’ve accepted the breakup but also gives the impression that you’re completely not bothered by the whole affair, which will make your ex frustrated to no end.  You shouldn’t feel guilty about doing something like this, after all, you’re just echoing your ex’s blasé attitude to the relationship and the breakup.

Other replies

You can also reply in full to your ex if you so choose, but my advice is to keep it short and to the point.  Let your ex know that you accept the breakup and that you’re disappointed that they couldn’t say this to you in person.  You thought more of your relationship than that and you thought they did too.  Nevertheless, wish them a nice life and move on, leaving your ex feeling guilty and ashamed while you take the high road.

Be the bigger person

The important thing about the way you react is to be the bigger person and don’t descend into pettiness or begging and pleading with your ex to come back.  It was pathetic and cowardly of your ex to break up with you over the phone, but just because you were dumped by text doesn’t mean you’re sad or pathetic, so don’t react that way.  Instead, rise above it and prove that you’re better than your ex.

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site

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