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Do I still love my ex: 5 questions to ask yourself


do I still love my exDo I still love my ex?  After a breakup, sometimes even years after we’ve split from our former partner, we’re left questioning our feelings over the breakup and wondering if we might still have feelings for, maybe even if we’re still in love with the other person.  There might be any number of reasons why you begin to question this; perhaps it’s not that long after the breakup, perhaps you see your ex suddenly for the first time in months or years and it stirs up some old feelings, or maybe you’re just left alone with your thoughts for a little too long and your mind starts to wander, and you start to think ‘what if…?”  Do I still love my ex?  How do I find out for certain?  Here are five questions you should ask yourself to determine whether or not you’re still in love with your ex.

  1. How long?

There are two parts to this question, and each can be a determining factor for deciding if you’re still in love with your ex.  It’s important to ask yourself both of these questions to determine if your feelings for your ex are valid or simply coming from past feelings.

How long were we together?

How long were you and your ex a couple?  The length of time that you were together may be a contributing factor to your feelings.  If you were only together for a few weeks or a month or two, then it’s unlikely that you were deeply in love with the other person to begin with, and therefore your feelings now are unlikely to be stronger than they were when you were together; you don’t still love your ex because you probably didn’t love them that much to start with.

If you and your ex were together for months or years, your feelings for your ex are more likely to linger.  You were together for a long time, spent a lot of time together, perhaps lived together and experienced life’s milestones together and it’s much more difficult to let go and get over feelings that you have for someone who was a lasting presence in your life.  You may still be in love with your ex.

How long ago did we break up?

The amount of time that has passed since the breakup may also allow you to validate or disprove the feelings that you have for your ex.  If you broke up a long time ago, then you have had much more time to move on and allow the feelings to fade.  If you feel like you still love your ex then it might be because something has happened recently in your life to stir up old feelings.  It’s possible that you’re still in love with your ex, especially if a long time has passed and you’ve never really gotten over your feelings.

If you and your ex only broke up a few weeks ago, then it’s completely normal that you’re still in love with them.  If you and your ex were together for a long time then it will take a while for these feelings to fade and for you to be able to move on.  Still being in love with your ex in the days and weeks following a breakup is completely natural; you just need to allow yourself some time and space for your feelings to fade.

  1. Who ended it?

am I still in loveHow the relationship ended and who did the dumping can sometimes have an effect on how you feel about the breakup, so you should analyse what happened in order to evaluate your feelings for your ex.

I ended it

If you ended the relationship, then you need to consider that perhaps you’re thinking now that you’ve made a mistake, and you have to consider that you may be thinking this simply because other things in your life aren’t going the way you thought they would and you’re trying to find a reason for it.  Maybe your love for your ex never faded even when you ended it and now you’re regretting breaking up with them, but perhaps in the weeks and months following your breakup you did get over it and were happy for a while.  If this is the case, you probably don’t still love your ex and should look at the other things in your life to determine why you’re feeling this way now.

My ex ended it

If your ex was the one who ended the relationship, it’s likely that you were unprepared and not ready for the relationship to end.  It’s likely that you still love your ex because to you the relationship ended suddenly, while you were still very much in love with your ex, and because you never really got closure from the relationship you’re still wondering what might have been and your feelings for your ex still linger.

It was mutual

When a breakup is mutual, it is almost worse.  At least when one person decides to end it there might be a huge fight or disagreement, and it’s easier to walk away.  When the decision is mutual, you and your ex may try to remain friends.  You still feel close to the other person, and even though you broke up your feelings for them will not disappear.  On the other hand, if the breakup was mutual, you both knew there were problems in your relationship and you weren’t right for one another, so maybe the idea that you still love your ex is coming from dissatisfaction in some other aspect of your life and you don’t really still love them.

  1. Why do I still love my ex?

Consider the reasons why you might still be in love with your ex or the reasons why you could just be thinking that you’re still in love to determine if your feelings are genuine or simply a trick of the mind.

Are there other reasons?

Are you feeling dissatisfied with other aspects of your life?  It’s possible that you thought you would move on quickly after the breakup and it would be no time at all before you found your ex’s replacement, but now a year has passed and you’re finding it more difficult than you thought to find love again.  Maybe you have found someone else, but you’re feeling discontent, unhappy or unsatisfied with this relationship and comparing it constantly to your relationship with your ex.  You’re missing them and wondering if you still love them because you’re feeling lonely or unhappy with your new relationship.  You don’t really still love your ex; your mind is just making you think you do because you’re unhappy with your life.

Do I still love my ex or am I still in love with my ex?

There is a distinction between these two ideas and you need to question which applies to you.  Do you think that you still love your ex or do you think you’re still in love with your ex?  There may be any number of reasons why you still love them in some shape or form: perhaps you have children together, they helped you through a difficult time in your life, they were there for you when you needed them; you were with this person for a long time and your relationship was great while it lasted, so it’s only natural that a certain amount of love for them will stay with you.  If you feel like you’re still in love with your ex, that’s a different story, and you probably want to get them back.

Have I tried to move on?

Have you made an effort to move past the breakup and started seeing other people?  If the answer is no then this is what you need to do.  As difficult as it may seem to you, part of moving on is starting to date other people and if you don’t attempt to do this you may become stuck in a rut, pining after your ex, which is why you’re still in love with them.  If you have tried to move on and you think you might still love your ex, there are two paths you can take: you can give it a little more time and do more to try to get past the breakup, or you can attempt to get your ex back.  Whether or not you have tried to move on plays a pivotal role in determining if you’re genuinely still in love with your ex.

  1. Do I still love my ex so much that I want to get them back?

still love your exDo I still love my ex to the point that I want nothing more than for us to get back together and pick up where we left off?  You should carefully consider the relationship, the breakup and your feelings then and now before you make any decision about your course of action.

Were there serious problems in our relationship?

No matter how much you loved your ex, when you were together were there a lot of discrepancies in your relationship?  Did you disagree and argue a lot? If this is the case you need to think long and hard about whether or not you really want to put yourself back in that position, where you dreaded coming home in the evening because you knew you and your partner were going to get into another explosive argument.

Did it end for a good reason?

When our relationship ended, was it for a good reason?  How did it end?  Did one of us cheat?  Do I still love my ex so much I’d be willing to move on and forget this?  Consider that perhaps your relationship ended for a good reason, and therefore it might not be a good idea to attempt to get back together with your ex.  If the relationship or your partner often made you feel suffocated or unhappy, reluctant to come home in the evening, tired of fighting… then you have to conclude that the relationship was a poisonous environment for both of you and it ended for a good reason.  No matter how much you feel like you still love your ex you shouldn’t try to get them back.

  1. Do I still love my ex?

Now that you have asked yourself some vital questions, you must ask yourself the most important question of all.  Take some time, consider the answers to each of these questions and try to objectively and unemotionally evaluate the feelings that you have for your ex.  Do I still love my ex or am I simply projecting my feelings about other aspects of my life or my current disappointment with my love life onto them?  Only you can answer this question.  Think about how long you were together and how long you’ve been apart, who ended it and the circumstances under which it ended, your reasons for feeling like you still love your ex and if they are legitimate reasons and whether you want to, or have any chance of getting your ex back.  Evaluate your feelings for your ex as a whole and come to a solid conclusion:  do I still love my ex or not?

Where can I go from here?

After you have considered whether or not you still love your ex and how you feel about the relationship and the breakup, you should think about your next steps.  Where can you go from here?  It’s possible that you simply want to move on, and you can do this.  There are certain steps that you can take to move on with your life and get over your ex and you can find articles full of this advice on the homepage.  Perhaps what you need the most is simply closure.  Call up your ex and ask them to meet you so that you can talk about your relationship and you can get the closure you’ve been waiting for.  If you decided that the relationship was a healthy one, you’re still in love with your ex and you would like to attempt reconciliation, you can attempt to get back together with your ex by following the GMEB method.  The most important thing is that you are sure of your feelings and certain that you still love your ex for all the right reasons.

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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