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Breakup coach : Why you absolutely need this for you
In any type of break up of a relationship or a marriage, usually you are just left with the questions.
And no real straight answers.
Coming up with a plan of action can be problematic.
And that is why you absolutely need this for you a breakup coach.
To simplify things, make it as easy as A B C.
A Breakup Coach.
When you are one of the partners involved it’s hard to be objective.
Sure it is hard and that is the prize winner for understatement of the year.
There is however help at hand and its ok to get some help at this point.
In fact it is highly recommended.
Some people can work through the situations by themselves.
Other people need a little outside help.
And that is where a breakup coach comes in.
And in our day and age there is no shame or stigma attached to it.
There are counselors, advisers and therapists for most things in modern living.
From jobs to life coaches and personal trainers.
So why would a thing as difficult as relationship issues and breaking up be any different.
Why wouldn’t you access a little extra independent help and advice.
And when I say help, I don’t mean friends and family.
Of course friends and family have a role to play.
And they do help in their own way as best they can.
But they cannot serve as your breakup coach.
They are too close to you.
And that means they may be both afraid of you and for you right now.
But how do you know if you need a breakup coach?
Your friends and family could be sick of you and your breakup by now.
At first your friends and family rallied around you always there for you.
They checked in on you regularly.
They comforted you whenever you had one of your difficult spells.
They listened as you talked and talked.
Incessantly and obsessively about your breakup.
They did initially help with plans to get you out of the house.
They were there when needed to cheer you up, and keep you busy.
After a while they were still game to do stuff with you. If you took the initiative to organize it.
But they might have to take a step back.
Now, they hardly ever call you and when you call you get their voicemail.
If you do catch them, they may be too busy to get together.
Does this sound familiar ?
You may have burned them out with your breakup problems.
They’ve given all they can.
All the advice they have to offer.
And when it counts for nought in your progress.
They really want you to take it from here.
And now may be they are suggesting professional help.
That may well be a sign.
You need a breakup coach for some independent advice.
If you’re sick of your lot.
And your breakup is like a dark cloud overshadowing your life.
You can hardly blame your friends for avoiding you.
You may or may not realize you are not your regular self.
You could be acting out in ways that are so out of character for you.
Possibly someone you know has noticed this and even said it to you.
The inability to think or talk about any topic.
Other than your ex and your breakup is a dead give away.
It has all become so lame and stale.
You need to break out of the rut you are in.
You need a breakup coach.
You miss your old personality, feeling normal, being stable on your own.
You’re just not sure where it all went so wrong.
And how to go about getting back to being yourself.
This is a call for help to a breakup coach.
Yes, therapists are great in a meandering navel gazing kind of way.
When you have the time, money and not pushing for solutions anytime soon.
If your breakup involves a divorce, not all therapists are mindful or forthright in providing solutions to the issues.
Therapists rarely deal with the specifics and don’t generally offer solutions to the problems.
They can be unaware of the outcomes that certain behaviors have on your lawsuit.
Don’t ever doubt or forget that divorce is a lawsuit.
Although breakups can be just as emotionally painful as a divorce.
They are not really given the same level of importance because of the legal, financial and social complexity of marriage.
The fact that marriage has a sense of permanence “‘til death do us part” could have something to do with it.
Marriage is often seen as the ultimate end goal of a relationship.
This places unmarried couples as less committed, and thus less emotionally invested.
Which is not always the case in modern society.
Someone can literally walk away from a relationship.
After a breakup without having to engage a lawyer for a legal separation.
Though not every divorce requires a lawyer.
If the situation is complicated or gets difficult it is difficult to avoid having one.
A process that can get very complicated and can often involve years.
If there are children involved it can be even more complicated.
In trying to do the best for them, while trying to expedite the break calmly and cleanly.
It is important to note here, the fact that someone can just walk away and abruptly « abandon » a relationship.
It is one of the most common reasons many people who have been abandoned rather than breakup can feel more emotionally devastated.
It can happen literally overnight and without explanation or obvious cause.
Many of them had no idea their partner was even thinking about leaving.
From one day to the next their life can change totally and shockingly.
Not having a transition breakup period is very traumatic in its own way.
And this in itself can be hard for a single person to cope without outside help.
That’s where a breakup coach comes in.
They’re not therapists, so the don’t have any such reservations.
Reservations about letting their opinion or feelings be known on the matter.
And they are more than willing and able to provide planning and solutions along with the advice.
A breakup coach can be engaged at any point in the relationship to advise.
It can be before a breakup occurs, to avoid such incidents.
During a breakup, to council the best ways and guide you through it.
And of course afterwards in moving on or in getting your ex back if you so wish.
A breakup coach can work through three main areas with people acceptance, cutting contact, and creating a self-care plan.
Involving emotional, work-related, sexual, physical, intellectual and spiritual needs.
Creating help plans on a heuristic and at a bigger picture level.
And how the client can improve in providing these benefits for themselves.
After all, if you’re suffering or just not feeling yourself you might not exactly trust your own judgment right now.
The following list of questions will help you figure it out if a breakup coach can be helpful to you in your situation.
Areas coaches can help prior to breaking up
- How to avoid it ways and means
- Constructive relationship advice tailored to suit you
- Things to do to prompt change
- Strategies to cope with the pain and face your emotions
- Things to do to avoid cracking up while breaking up
- Realize your own self-worth if no one else does
- Lacking confidence and feeling insecure
- Ways to boost your confidence
During a break up
- How to proceed
- Help seeing things through
- With constructive relationship advice
- Ways to make a clean break
- Building confidence and feeling secure about your decisions
- Strategies to deal with the pain and face your emotions
- Strategies to deal with conflict avoidance and resolution
Breakup Coach can help after the event with:
- Dealing with the different stages after breaking up like anger and denial
- Approaches to cope with the pain and face your emotions
- Recognize your own self-worth and importance
- Move on from the break up
- Advice on how to get your life back on track
- Find love again at a time that is right for you
- Ways to stop obsessing and wondering about why you broke up
- Questioning whether you were enough
- Struggling to make a clean break
- Ways to stop the post breakup sex, texting, or social media stalking
- Dealing with the loss of the planned future without your ex and on your own
- Feelings about your purpose in life now that your relationship is over
- Coping with the feelings that you should just get over your ex already
- Feeling consumed by anxiety and overwhelming sadness
- To stop blaming yourself for why the relationship didn’t work
- Dealing with the fear and anxiety involved in dating again
- Thinking about comparing your new dates with your ex
- Ways to deal with vulnerability and really let someone in
- Repeating negative, dysfunctional relationship behavior again
- Worrying about the baggage you carry into your new relationship
- Feeling fear to do with trusting yourself and your own judgment when it comes to a new partner
- Feeling lost in the world of online dating
- Lacking confidence and feeling insecure about meeting people in real life
- Confusion about what you’re really looking for in a partner
- How to know when you’ve met your One true love
- Questioning if you will ever find real, deep, long-lasting love
- Recover from your breakup at a faster pace
- Staying strong after your breakup and getting you on a healthy path to healing
- See things through a different and realistic perspective as it is hard to see clearly or be objective after a breakup
- Boost your confidence and help you recognize and remember your worth
- With constructive relationship advice for you
- With helpful tips for how to deal with your ex personalized for your situation
- In formulating a plan to maximise your chances of getting your ex back if that is your goal
- Get back in the dating saddle
- With your dating profile – improve and increase your matches
- With before and after date advice – feel confident before your date and we can review what you can do better next time
- Ways to stay positive & motivated
- Handle divorce calmly and with dignity
There so many ways that a breakup coach can benefit your situation.
But you must be ready willing and able to commit to the advice and to the ability to change.
This will mean getting outside of your comfort zone and taking the necessary steps however hard they may be.
You must be open to receiving reflective and constructive feedback.
Sometimes this means letting go of what you think you know and your ego.
Opening your mind and your behaviour to change and others perspectives.
You must be willing, able and committed to investing in yourself.
Some people don’t value this area enough to spend much time on it.
If you are not committed to the process, or you don’t realize the value in it.
What is the point in attempting such effort ?
And what I am really saying is that it will take great effort and hard work.
What is getting what you really want in your love life worth to you ?
It’s difficult to set a value on no longer being in pain and suffering from heartbreak.
Or breaking free from the mental anguish and all consuming thoughts of your ex.
Dealing with repeating negative patterns and dysfunctional relationship dynamics.
And moving on to hopefully avoiding them in the future.
You want to increase your energy and love rather than waste it.
Freeing yourself from guilt, depression and anxiety associated with your situation.
All the while increasing personal insight, self worth and embracing self-love.
Truly knowing who would make a perfect partner and helping to do so.
Having the abilities to look forward to enjoying a rewarding dating life.
And entering into a fulfilling relationship with the tools necessary for maintaining a love that lasts for the rest of your life.
These are some of the benefits that come from engaging with a breakup coach.
So the real question is why wouldn’t you ?
Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com