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Accept the breakup : Why it's a benefit for you


To accept the breakup isn’t an easy decision to make when you are left on your own.

You can be left with negative feelings and self esteem issues.

Besides the messy feelings there is an up side to all this.

There are out right advantages to be had for you.

Accept the breakup and find out why it has benefits for you.

 

Along with other feelings the indecision makes it hard to do anything except feel sorry for yourself .

It is a place many people will be familiar with.

But it should not solely be that way.

If you are still distressed by feelings of failure.

Idealizing the one who has rejected you.

And maybe you are intent on recovering the lost relationship.

 

You’ve essentially granted this finished relationship power over you.

Power to consume your life and maintain your misery.

When in fact you should be over it.  

You have the power over it.

With this the realization that the power is in your hands, to shape your destiny.

You are free to do as you please to please yourself.

Answerable to no one.

 

If you don’t accept the breakup and continue in this manner.

It will create a downward spiral of negativity.

Denial is a big part of grieving, for your loss.

Thinking it can’t be over they can’t really be gone.

And if you subscribe to this denial, ignoring the facts.

It can make getting over the end of the relationship all the more difficult.

 

Sure we all can be guilty of romanticizing lost relationships.

But it should be balanced by the “warts and all” remedy.

That is where you are allowed to remember the good things you liked about the relationship.

But you must recall the reasons you broke up.

And the things you did not like about your partner.

And I’m sure there are more than a few.

 

It is just that right now you are pining for that ideal lost thing.

If you find yourself being overcome by the thoughts of lost love and all that was great about it.

Take a page and write down all the things you didn’t like about the relationship and you ex partner.

Add to the list the bad things as you remember them.

It could be their gawd awful friends you had to put up with.

The reasons you broke up must be valid ones ?

Perhaps your partner was untidy and when confronted with the fact would say live with it.

Don’t try change me ,it is who I am.

Well now it is time to take those dirty sports socks off the floor and jog on…

 

There are benefits to accepting the breakup.

And I am here to highlight a few of the advantages to being single…

 

Accept the breakup the benefit of time

 

Time heals all wounds so they say, well now you have all the time in the world to heal.

It is true so why look on the negatives.

It is no help unless it is the negatives about your partner.

Then it is worth thinking about, but seriously.

Negatives about yourself are not much of a benefit no benefits whatsoever.

Though there are times that you will have self doubts and self esteem issues it is normal.

But don’t dwell on them or even take them as fact.

 

Accept the breakup and accept the adventure

 

Accept the breakup means accepting freedom.

Taking and making decisions without having to consider the feelings of another.

You can move cities look for a new job, choose to take a vacation in a spot they would have disliked.

Or paint the living room in their least favorite color, the one you like.  

This is the beginning of the rest of your life embrace it as yours.

Take ownership take control.

After the initial slump, during which you feel as though you simply want to sit on a sofa and vegetate.

Many people actually feel a renewed sense of energy and purpose after it ends.

You are forced to change and rethink your life radically, and this can be energizing.

 

Let yourself do things you didn’t feel like you could while in your relationship.

Take up a new hobby, apply for that job, dye your hair, get that tattoo you’ve been wanting, go on a trip.

Plan « me » time and be okay with it.

Be single minded about the things you want to do with no second guessing.

 

Accept the breakup and recover yourself

 

Work on self-love. You are lovable and loving.

It can get forgotten or overlooked in the heat of the breakup and afterwards.

Adopt the mindset of getting to know yourself better.

No time like the present to indulge in self development and self awareness.

Never forget you are a worthwhile person.

Don’t let the end of your love relationship define your self-worth.

Or take the end of a relationship as solely your responsibility its not.

No person can complete you.

That is an unreal romantic speaking again in half truths.

You are and always were a whole person and no less now for being single.

 

Being single does require a certain amount of vulnerability but that is okay.

You have to stand alone and be okay with it, before you are truly ready to move on.

Take time to distance yourself from the heartbreak and feelings.

The further you get, the clearer it will be.

Once you accept the breakup for what it is, a piece of your life that is past..

You can close the book, turn a page or start a whole new chapter.

Whatever you like to do and move on.

 

Accept the breakup and the empty feelings, Grieve

 

Accept the breakup  and do what you feel is necessary to get over that hurdle.

Cry for a day, try rebirth in a primal scream way.

But engage with your emotions on this one.

And recognize them for what they are part of you and part of the relationship.

It is a way to focus the feelings and emotions of a breakup.

In order to realise them and to progress past them.

 

The emotions that can follow a breakup can range from denial, bargaining,relapse or collapse, anger and initial acceptance and the moving on with redirected hope.

It that important this is done allowing yourself to feel the sorrow of the breakup.

But don’t let it drag on indefinitely.

So the relationship has ended so must the time allowed for grief.

It then allows you to move on and change your mind and focus on the new possibilities.

So then move on, do something else.

 

Challenge your negative thoughts

 

Look toward the future, & don’t look back.

Empower yourself rather than cripple yourself with negative thoughts.

The end of a relationship can present the mind with just self doubting negative thoughts.

Banish them utterly and completely.

Accept the breakup and use it as an opportunity to strike out on your own in the world.

You can discover new hobbies and interests.

Ones that can make you feel better and more confident about yourself.

 

Accept the breakup and the fact that it’s normal or typical to have emotional reactions.

The ending of a relationship especially, is a highly emotional time.

That could have been brewing for quite a while.

It could be a relief to have it all over and done with.

It could simply have just been highlighted during and after the breakup process.

 

Just because your relationship is over, it doesn’t mean you’re inadequate.

Inferior or there’s something wrong with you.

Give yourself a break.

That is a common misconception and a mistake many people make after a breakup.

It is just that things did not work out for you two and it does not reflect on you personally.

Accept the feeling that “being rejected” is an expected part of the end of a relationship.

And it takes time to heal.

 

Don’t get suckered by thoughts of It is not you it is me.or It’s not me it is you.

Wrong. It’s actually both of you.

It is never completely one person’s « fault » that a relationship struggles or ends.

That’s not how a relationship works for a couple.

 

You did play a role in what happened.

What would you do differently in a new relationship?

What did these challenges show you about yourself or your insecurities?

This should be the focus of your thoughts, the positive development.

The benefits to accept the breakup.

 

Discover that relationships are our teachers in that respect.

And we must learn that lesson for ourselves and no one can teach us it.

It will be a real benefit in other relationships you will have .

And don’t doubt that there will be other relationships for you.

Accept the breakup and feel free to flirt and enjoy the attention of others guilt free.

 

Accept the breakup and cultivate supportive relationships.

 

You no longer have to put up with and suffer their awful friends.

Or deal with their awkward family and relatives.

You’ll no longer have to pretend to get along with these people, just for the sake of keeping the peace.

You can spend that time with your own friends and relatives instead.

The people you may actually like and like to be around.  

Being with people who accept and support you can help ease feeling of rejection.

 

Get energized by the possibilities ahead for you.

That can include the possibilities of a new relationship at some stage.

Perhaps you may not be quite ready to dive in right now.

But you can and should be able to enjoy the company of others.

Be that friends family or strangers should you so wish to.

All without having to answer the twenty questions of someone else.

 

This is also a great time to reconnect with your friends on a deeper level.

Your need for emotional intimacy does not always have to be addressed by a member of the opposite sex.

Lean on your friends and let them support you.

You may not have had the time to spend with them like you wanted to during the relationship.

Now you do.

 

There’s nothing quite like heartbreak to make you more sensitive.

Sensitive to the trials and tribulations going on with those around you.

You may find that your loved ones will probably feel inclined to share their own stories with you.

Not only will this mean you feel less alone.

But it will also remind you that everyone faces difficult periods in their lives.

 

How to accept the breakup for real cut off all contact

 

This is about tearing off the band aid, making a clean break.

It is no use looking back as there is nothing you can change about the past.

Many have tried no one succeeds.

If you have not already consider taking time to not see your ex partner.

There will be doubts in your mind as to whether you are doing the right thing in the breakup.

And seeing the ex can compound those thoughts.

Sometimes contact can undo any progress you have achieved by yourself.

So considering having absolutely no contact.

It can be very helpful in getting the time, space and distance from the relationship.

It helps to get the perspective necessary for recovery.

It also allows time for things to cool down and to get some clarity on the end of the relationship.

 

Being single grants you time and energy to really consider what you want.

What you want from a partner and need from a relationship.

Perhaps this was a contributing factor in the end.

Irreconcilable differences or just that you wanted different things from the relationship.

The reasons whatever they may have been they can inform your choices in the future.

 

It will prepare you for your next relationship if and when you consider having one.

Think about what you liked about your old relationship and which mistakes you want to avoid next time around.

This is where your list of negatives can come in handy as things to avoid next time…

 

Antoine Peytavin, fondateur du site jerecuperemonex.com

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